Kelly Rowland Opens Up About Her Mental Health and Why She Sought Therapy

From Prevention

Kelly Rowland recently added the word shecosystem to her lexicon. It’s a term she uses to describe what she believes every woman should have when life knocks you down: loyal girlfriends. And who better to talk about female friendship than one third of Destiny’s Child?

You've likely heard the story. In 1998, Rowland, Beyoncé Knowles, LaTavia Roberson, and LaToya Luckett released a self-titled debut R&B album that continued the contemporary era of female R&B pioneered by artists like TLC and Aaliyah. Eventually, Michelle Williams replaced Roberson and Luckett, and the trio went on to win two Grammys following the release of Survivor, a feminist anthem that positioned them as the millennium's most influential girl group. Destiny’s Child split amicably in 2006, but songs like “Independent Women, Pt. 1” feel just as relevant now as they did in 2001.

Rowland has since launched her own successful solo career, with chart-toppers like “Dilemma” and “Motivation”, a judge gig on The X Factor and hosting Chasing Destiny, BET's 2016 docuseries searching for the next big girl group. Today, she's still close to Beyoncé and Williams, who are part of the “shecosystem” she turns to. But to stay grounded, the 37-year-old mom and author also checks in with herself. Often, she repeats this mantra: “I am more than enough. I am great. I am smart. I am more than capable.” And therapy has become a crucial part of her mental health routine.

"You can’t walk around as a ticking time bomb,” she told us at T.J. Maxx’s Maxx You Project workshop in September. It was her wellness journey that inspired her to mentor other women through T.J. Maxx's program, which encourages women to be true to themselves via the project's online how-to classes. And that's exactly the kind of straight talk she gave us during our chat.

Did you ever wish you could be somebody else?
At one point in time you’ll see that somebody else may be getting attention even if you're doing the same thing. You're thinking, “Maybe what I’m bringing to the table isn't enough. Maybe I should look like this person, sound like this person.” It’s the whole thought process of not being enough. But when you are yourself, you bring your best to the table. Whoever it is that’s doing them-let them do them. The world is a much more interesting place when there’s so many different types of people.

How do you teach your 3-year-old son, Titan Jewell, to develop who he's going to become?
We read different books to encourage him to never be afraid to try things. And I want him to do that because you learn what you like that way.

Women are often expected to have the perfect marriage, children, body, and career. Do you feel the need to attain all of those things?
It’s pressure! I think that we can have it all with a great support system in place-that shecosystem. You can’t do it by yourself. Whether it’s friends, family, or your significant other, it takes a community and you figure it out every day. As women, because we hold so much emotion, we put unnecessary stress on ourselves, and we don’t even realize that we’re doing it until we’re in a corner just kind of rocking, later trying to figure it all out.

You’ve openly talked about seeking therapy–how'd you decide to go?
I realized I didn't want to try to figure things out by myself. I can try as much as I can, but doing it all myself, I'd end up driving myself insane circling the same situation and same problem over and over again.

Were your friends and family supportive?
Sometimes people feel like faith and praying...and don’t get me wrong, I have faith and I pray and I do believe I’ll get through things with that also. But I like to talk to somebody who has the insight of psychology, too. There are other connectors. It’s important that we understand that as well.

Your former group mate Michelle Williams has been vocal about her struggle with depression. What was it like for you to watch her open up?
She definitely made it a topic of conversation and I’m so proud of her for that. It took a lot of courage to talk about everything, especially in a world where people are so judgmental. She was so brave. It was a moment for people who are possibly going through the same thing that she’s experiencing to embrace that about themselves. Maybe because of her, someone out there realized it's okay to go to therapy.

But often, people don’t have the resources to go to therapy.
If you feel like something is wrong and you’re just bursting inside and you don’t know where to put all of it, you have to surround yourself with the people that can help you connect, where you can release all of that. I think that we’re put on this Earth to live the most amazing, purposeful lives, and we can’t do that when we’re screaming on the inside. That’s rage. And rage breeds hate and negativity which come out in really harmful ways to yourself and to others.

It’s important to have the woman you can call when you’re stressed. It’s important to be able to tell your husband, “I need a day just by myself,” which I’ve done before. You can have it all, but you need a system.

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