How to Keep a Conversation Going: Strategies That Actually Work
Level up your social game with these tips
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Have you ever felt stuck in a conversation that feels like it's running on fumes? We've all been there. Awkward silences creep in, and you scramble to think of something to say besides "the weather sure is something, huh?" You’re grasping for straws and wish the ground would open up and swallow you whole.
Keeping a conversation flowing smoothly is an art, one that requires creativity, confidence, empathy, and top-notch listening skills.
“Everything about conversation is tricky—it’s a relentless coordination game where multiple people each make thousands of microdecisions, so all of their tiny choices (words, acoustic sounds, nonverbal signals, etc.) need to be coordinated with each other,” says Alison Wood Brooks, PhD, an associate professor and conversation researcher at Harvard Business School.
If keeping a conversation going is a struggle for you, we’ve got you covered. In this article we ask the communication expert for some strategies that can help you level up your conversation game and overcome any roadblocks. These tips will come in handy while talking to a friend, colleague, family member, or even a romantic partner.
At a Glance
Long pauses and awkward eye contact? Yep, we've all been there. Some people are great conversationalists, but some of us could use some improvement.
Luckily, there are steps we can take to boost our conversation game, in order to keep a conversation going beyond a few forced pleasantries. Keeping a few topics and anecdotes handy, asking open-ended questions, and looking for common ground with someone are a few strategies that can help you keep a conversation going.
A little practice goes a long way. You've got this!
Why It’s Important to Keep a Conversation Going
Keeping a conversation going is important for several reasons:
Create connections: Conversations are the building blocks of relationships. When we share our thoughts and feelings, we create a sense of connection and understanding with others.
Share experiences: Conversations are where we share our stories, experiences, and dreams. They make us smile, laugh, cry, or empathize with each other. When we keep a conversation going, we create a space for sharing and connecting on a deeper level.
Ease social situations: Imagine a party where everyone just stands around staring at their shoes. Boring much? Conversations keep the energy up and make the party fun. Even small talk, which seems unimportant, plays a role. It’s a social lubricant that makes interactions more fun and light-hearted.
Create memories: Some of our fondest memories are often tied to conversations—late-night chats with friends, heart-to-heart talks with loved ones, or inspiring discussions that leave a lasting impact.
Communicate ideas: Conversations expose us to different ideas and perspectives. We can learn from others, challenge our own thinking, and maybe even think of new ideas together.
Solve problems: Conversations are also where we solve problems and work through challenges with others. When we keep the conversation flowing, we tap into collective wisdom and creativity, finding solutions we might not have discovered on our own.
Boost happiness: Feeling heard and understood is a basic human need. Good conversations make us feel validated and connected, which can have a big impact on our overall happiness.
Related: 50 Deep Conversation Starters for Meaningful Connections
Tips to Encourage Conversation
Whether it’s a first date, a party, or a networking event, these are some strategies that can help you create and maintain a conversation.
Keep a Few Topics Handy
Dr. Brooks recommends thinking of a few potential conversation topics that will interest the person you’re talking to ahead of time, even if it’s just a few minutes before the conversation begins. She explains that this can help reduce your anxiety and panic when the conversation lags and you need a new topic to keep it alive and bubbling.
Tell a Fun Story
People love a good story! Share an interesting anecdote or experience that relates to the conversation. This can not only be entertaining but also open doors for the other person to share something similar. It can be helpful to keep a few anecdotes in your back pocket in case you need them.
Look for Common Ground
Conversations flow naturally when you share interests, experiences, or perspectives with someone. Look for things you have in common, whether it's an interest in a particular sitcom, a love for travel, or a weakness for croissants.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Instead of yes-or-no questions, ask open-ended questions that invite the other person to share more information and expand on their thoughts.
Give a Compliment
Give the person you’re talking to a compliment. This will make them feel pleased and make them more likely to open up to you in a conversation. Avoid generic compliments though; make it something unique and genuine.
Be Yourself
People are drawn to genuine enthusiasm. Be yourself during the conversation, letting your personality shine through.
Keep It Positive
Maintain a positive and open-minded attitude during the conversation. Avoid negative topics or criticisms that can derail the mood and flow of the discussion.
Related: 20 Questions to Avoid on a First Date (And What to Ask Instead)
Strategies for Active Listening and Effective Responding
These are some strategies that can help you listen actively and respond effectively to what the other person is saying.
Look Interested
Don't just wait for your turn to talk. Pay attention to what the other person is saying, make eye contact with them, and use your facial expressions to show them you’re listening and engaged.
Pay Attention to Non-verbal Cues
Pay attention to nonverbal cues such as facial expressions, gestures, and tone of voice. These cues can tell you how the person really feels about something and can help guide the direction of the conversation.
Respond Appropriately
Respond to what the person is saying with more than just “Uh-uh,” or “Wow!” Show your interest by elaborating on your responses. Add details, opinions, or even a touch of humor to keep things engaging.
Ask Follow-up Questions
If the person you’re talking to says something interesting, mysterious, unclear, or thought-provoking, Dr. Brooks recommends asking them more about it.
Build on What the Person Says
Pay attention to what the other person is saying. Use this as a springboard to ask follow-up questions or share a related story or experience of your own.
Avoid Interrupting Them
Allow the other person to finish their thoughts before jumping in with your own contributions. Interrupting them can disrupt the flow of the conversation and make them feel unheard.
Don’t Repeat Yourself
If you notice yourself or the person you’re talking to repeating something that’s already been said, it’s a sign that you need to switch to a new, different topic, says Dr. Brooks. “Redundancies aren’t fun or interesting for speakers or listeners.”
Use Call-Backs
Call-backs are brief references to things that you’ve discussed with the person before, showing them that you were listening, thinking about what was said, and are clever enough to reference back to it later, says Dr. Brooks. “They often get a good laugh, and if you start to look for them, you’ll notice that many people whom we view as ‘charismatic’ or ‘good listeners’ are simply calling back details you’ve discussed together before.”
Related: How to Be Less Self-Conscious in Social Situations
Solutions for Overcoming Conversation Roadblocks
A conversation roadblock is like hitting a sudden red light. It's that moment when we're talking, everything seems to be going well, and then bam! We find ourselves stuck, not knowing what to say next. It's that weird silence that creeps in, making us feel a bit lost and unsure of how to keep the conversation going. Awkward!
Don’t worry, you’re not alone if you’ve experienced this! Even the best communicators are bound to make mistakes, have moments of awkwardness, stumble, and fall, says Dr. Brooks. “And even the best communicators can’t control how their conversation partners will behave.”
These are some strategies that can help you overcome conversational roadblocks:
Change topics: If the conversation is stalling, it’s time to shift gears and change the topic. “Typically, longer mutual pauses, repeating something that’s already been said, and uncomfortable laughter are clues that the person you’re talking to is losing interest in the current topic and you should switch to talk about something new,” says Dr. Brooks.
Ask a thought-provoking question: Ask an interesting question that encourages the other person to share their thoughts or experiences. For example, you could say: "What's something you've always wanted to try but haven't had the chance yet?"
Use humor: A well-timed joke or light-hearted comment can help break the ice and get the conversation back on track. A little humor often goes a long way! Just be mindful of what’s appropriate for the context.
Take a break: If the conversation feels forced or stagnant, it's okay to take a short break. Suggest grabbing a drink or shift the focus to a different activity to refresh the conversation and give you something new to talk about.
Don’t get scared of pauses: Conversations naturally ebb and flow. Allow for moments of silence without feeling pressured to fill every gap with words. Although pauses can feel awkward when you’re talking to a stranger, research shows us they can be comfortable when it’s someone you know well, says Dr. Brooks. Use the time to reflect on what you want to say next.
Related: 10 Topics to Spark New Conversations With Long-Term Partners
How to Practice Your Conversation Skills
If you want to boost your conversation game, here are some strategies that can help you practice your skills:
Strike up casual conversations: This might seem daunting at first, but everyday situations can be a great way to practice making conversation in a low-pressure setting. Ask the cashier about their day, chat with a neighbor about the latest town news, or strike up a conversation with someone on the subway. It’s all about practice, practice, practice!
Join a club: Surrounding yourself with people who share similar interests is a fantastic way to spark conversations. Book clubs, hobby groups, sports teams, or volunteer activities offer a natural starting point for discussion.
Role-play with a friend: This can be a really fun way to practice. Take turns playing different roles and have conversations on various topics with a friend. You can even set challenges, like overcoming a specific conversation roadblock.
Listen to podcasts and audiobooks: Pay attention to how the host interacts with guests on podcasts or how audiobooks portray conversations. This can give you insights into natural conversation flows and different communication styles.
Record yourself having a conversation: This might feel strange at first, but recording yourself talking to a friend or family member can be a valuable learning tool. Listen back and identify areas for improvement, like filler words or awkward pauses. Tell the person you’re talking to that you’ll be recording the conversation, so you have their consent.
Related: 20 Best Self-Help Podcasts to Listen to Right Now
Takeaways
Keeping a conversation going is not just about talking—it's about listening, understanding, and connecting with someone on a deeper level. By talking to people having interesting conversations, you might be surprised at the things you learn and the connections you make along the way!
Read the original article on Verywell Mind.
