Just 13 Pieces of Unsolicited Life Advice From TikTok Angel Tabitha Brown
The day that I hopped on a Zoom call with “the world’s Favorite Mom,” TikTok star Tabitha Brown, she had eaten grilled cheese for lunch—but not just any grilled cheese. It was a spinach grilled cheese with garlic. If you press play on the TikTok about it below, you'll understand how her warm, syrupy voice can make you feel nostalgic for a meal you’ve never even experienced.
Tabitha’s ascendence to social media stardom is a blip (albeit, a life-changing one) in her otherwise lengthy personal journey. She was raised in North Carolina and fostered big dreams of being an actress one day. She went to college for fashion design, dropped out of college to pursue acting, moved to California, became pregnant with her daughter Choyce, and got married. Life continued, just outside of the spotlight.
She and her family moved to L.A. and shortly after, her mother was diagnosed with A.L.S. After she passed away, Tabitha became an Uber driver and, around the same time, began experiencing a resting headache in the back of her head every day for nearly two years. None of the drugs that her doctor gave her worked, so after watching the documentary What the Health, she decided to embark on a 30-day vegan challenge. In the first 10 days, her headache went away. "Every day the pain just started to leave my body. I would start having energy again," she says. She's been vegan for three years now, and she's not turning back.
She even went Facebook-viral for a video review of Whole Foods’ TTLA sandwich (tempeh, tomato, lettuce, and avocado), which is why—fast-forward to March of this year, at the brink of quarantine—Choyce pressed her to join TikTok.
“I was like, ‘Girl, why in the world would I get on TikTok? That's for kids." She caved on exactly March 8. “When I first got on, I told my daughter, ‘I want to do the dance, the Renegade everybody’s doing,” she says. “So that was my first video, it went viral trying to figure out how to work TikTok with my daughter showing me and my brother how to do it.”
Tabitha currently has 4.8 million devoted followers on TikTok, who write her short love letters in the comments section of her videos, which are a hybrid of your favorite cooking channel clips and breakthrough moments with your therapist.
She praises gluten-free okra pasta one day and challenges you to let go of things that no longer serve you the next. So, amid this year of great illness, loss, racial injustice, and destruction, Tabitha shared her life hacks to be your best self, in and outside of the kitchen.
#1 BE YOURSELF
Tabitha Brown: This is the best piece of advice I’ve ever received. My dad has told me this my whole life, even when I wasn't listening: “Be yourself, you are enough.” And I always try to make sure I tell others the same thing because we are. We are enough.
#2 TRUE LOVE IS INVISIBLE
TB: Choyce, my first child, taught me how to love something more than you love yourself. And I realized that love is invisible. When I was pregnant with her, I didn't have to see her to know I loved her. And then with my son, he taught me that there is no cap on love. There's no limit to it. When you have one child, you think, "Oh God, how can I love another child without them feeling a difference between them?" When he came along, he taught me that there are no guidelines, there are no limits for love.
#3 DON’T LET A BULLY CONVINCE YOU THAT YOU’RE WORTHLESS
TB: When people say or do negative things to you, you're not the problem. People lash out because of the lack of love, lack of understanding, lack of being heard. And we can't take that personally. We're not the problem.
#4 BE UNAPOLOGETICALLY BLACK
TB: I am a Black woman. So being a good ally to Black folks is a reflection of me. I have to treat people the same way I want to be treated, but I also have to let my friends and family know that being us and being comfortable with being us is our freedom and we shouldn't have to sacrifice it for anyone else. We shouldn't have to make anybody else feel comfortable. We should feel comfortable just being us and nothing is wrong with that.
#5 FOOD IS COMMUNITY
TB: Food is family. Food is celebration. Food is the center of most things. I always love to tell stories through food, make people laugh through food, sometimes cry through food. It's all needed, but realize that food isn't just food, it's community, it's really part of us.
#6 ALLOW YOURSELF TO EAT WELL
TB: We beat ourselves up like, "Oh my God, I don't need to eat that." But sometimes, yeah, you do, because that's your business, right? But then also remind yourself, "I've got to put something that is going to be good for me, not just good to me." It's a constant conversation we've got to have with ourselves with our food.
#7 SPREAD LOVE WITH INTENTION
TB: Be intentional with kindness. Be intentional with your words, your thoughts. Ask yourself, "Am I spreading love? Am I being kind? What am I posting?" Because right now, if you live alone, a lot of things that people are able to see are just what they see on social media or on television. And if those things aren't rooted in love, then that's what people are feeling. And spread love through a smile, through a conversation, validation, or letting somebody know they’re okay and alright, even if they don’t feel like it.
#8 STOCK YOUR FIRST KITCHEN (AND ALL YOUR KITCHENS AFTER THAT) WITH GARLIC POWDER
TB: I'm really big on salt-free spices. Garlic, herbs, allspice, things that are salt-free, but full of flavor.
#9 IF YOU WANT TO TRY GOING VEGAN, BE EASY ON YOURSELF
TB: It's hard to break old habits and we all have been eating one way for the majority of our lives. So take it a day at a time and don't think about all the things that you can have, think about what you can't have because the list is smaller.
#10 DATE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU ENTER A RELATIONSHIP
TB: Because if you aren't the best version of you, you can't be in a relationship with somebody. Nobody would know how to treat you because now you don't even know how to treat yourself. Don't rush to be in a relationship. If someone asked you, "What do you like to do?" And you can't name three things in the 10 seconds, you don't know yourself very well. And that's an issue, right?
#11 DON’T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT LEAVING TOXIC FRIENDSHIPS
TB: You can't be guilty about doing what makes you feel better and what's going to give you freedom. We ain't got time for the toxic friendships, they don't serve us. If it doesn't serve you, if it doesn't add value to your life, you're wasting time on it. And you've got to be okay with moving on. It's okay. A lot of times we think, "Oh God, I'm going to hurt their feelings." No, that's out of respect for them and you.
#12 WHEN IT COMES TO MENTAL HEALTH, PUT YOURSELF FIRST
TB: I've been through depression, I've been through anxiety, the dark space. You've got to focus on the light, even if it's just the crack. Know that this moment will pass, but focus on the light and you'll get through it. Breathe often, give yourself permission to feel, even when you don't feel good. Unpack those feelings so you can work through them.
#13 TIP WELL
TB: When you visit a restaurant, don’t forget that your server is human and that they may be having a tough day. They may be going through something. Always be kind. I honestly believe that energy carries, even through food.
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