Jason Derulo Is Pissed Instagram Deleted His Anaconda-Size D*ck Print

From Cosmopolitan

• Jason Derulo posted a picture showing off his dick print. He joked that his penis is the size of an anaconda snake.

• Instagram just deleted it. He reposted it.

• Please send help.
  

Update, 12/4:

Well, well, well. Jason Derulo's penis print basically blew up the internet as we knew it last month, but you know who wasn't living for it? INSTAGRAM. The social platform removed it, saying it went against "community guidelines on nudity or sexual activity," but 🎶 Ja-son Derulo 🎶 was not having it.

Along with the Insta notice, Jason reposted the original pic saying “Fuk u mean? I have underwear on…. I can’t help my size.. #bringbackAnaconda."

So with that said, HERE IT IS ONCE AGAIN, ENJOY:

Original story, 11/22:

I’d say Happy Friday, but it has already been a day thanks to Jason Derulo. Most people haven’t even enjoyed their morning coffee yet and were just metaphorically slapped across the face with Jason’s gigantic dick print. Never in my life did I think this day would come, and never in the past year since Cats was announced did I think I would wake up on November 22, 2019, and be confronted with Rum Tum Tugger’s penis. Nevertheless, here we are. And if I have to look at Jason Derulo’s bulge before noon, so do you!

Sometime yesterday, Jason took to Insta to put all thirst traps to shame. He posted a picture of himself wearing black undies and gold chains while walking dangerously close to the edge of an infinity pool. His subtle caption: “Good Mornin’ 💦.” Oh, and when someone asked Rum Tum, “What animal are you hiding in your pants?” he replied, “Anaconda.”

*Gulp.* I’m officially stressed. Please witness for yourself:

To quote one of his followers, “Sweet Mary mother of god.” I’m sending my most sincere thoughts and prayers to his 5 million followers today.

If you need a palette cleanser after processing all this new information, fill your brain with a different type of alarm by watching the new Cats trailer, which is also conveniently located on Jason’s feed.

I, on the other hand, will go douse my eyes in holy water and play the “Whatcha Say” piano instrumentals on a loop, deeply contemplating what we just saw in his pants and my continued presence on this cursed app.

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