I've hated Mother's Day since I was 7. I choose to celebrate my mom in my own way.

My mom died when I was 7 years old and I’ve hated Mother’s Day ever since. I met my stepmother when I was 8 years old. I love her and she deserves all the tribute I can muster – but not on this one day.

If you look up my mother in the newspaper archives, you’ll find the photo of the car crash that killed her. Feb. 25, 1983, in the Kentucky Post. I saw it at a neighbor’s house I visited shortly after she died. The newspaper had been saved, carelessly tossed on a stack of papers near an end table. I was young, but I could still read. I knew what I was seeing.

A few years ago I asked a friend to go to the library for me and get the article that I thought ran with the photo, but there was no article. Just a photo with a headline and a caption. My friend omitted the photo per my request. The image is etched in my brain; I don’t need to see it again.

The headline read, “Ice snarls I-275 in Wilder.” The caption read, “Westbound I-275 became a sheet of ice about 8:15 this morning when snow froze on the roadway. A Toyota skidded on the ice and struck an electrical pole, and four or five other cars went out of control. Two women in the Toyota – Bonnie Feldkamp, 32, of Walnut Street and Susan White, 33, of Wilson Ave, Cincinnati – were admitted to St. Luke Hospital.”

That’s not a typo. Bonnie Feldkamp was my mother. We have the same name. Bonnie Jean Feldkamp is my full name – our full name. I am her junior.

She died in that hospital two days later. Brain dead. My father and my grandmother signed the papers that permitted surgeons to harvest her organs and we all let her go.

I often wonder who benefited from my mother’s organs.

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I celebrate my mom by telling the stories of people like you

I was a writer at a young age. It didn’t seem like a choice, really. If I wasn’t writing in my diary, I was writing sentences and essays assigned as punishment. As a teen, I kept a journal and wrote poetry.

Diaries were for amateurs. Journals were for serious writing, or at least that’s what I thought at the time.

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When I was arrested in middle school for destroying property, even the judge sentenced me to write an essay about positive ways to deal with my anger, along with a letter of apology to the property owner.

It would seem that everyone agreed I was better off with a pen in my hand.

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At 48 years old I’m still learning to use my words. These days I’m just coping at the keyboard, telling stories of the everyday people in our community who matter. People like my mom who deserve to have their stories told, deserve to have their voices lifted.

I used to think that writing was my immortality, but really it’s my mother’s. Her name deserves better than a mention in a caption under a smashed up Toyota on Page 1.

I don’t need to celebrate her on Mother’s Day. I celebrate her every time our name appears on a byline.

Bonnie Jean Feldkamp is the community engagement and opinion editor for The Louisville Courier Journal, where this column originally published. She can be reached via email at BFeldkamp@Gannett.com or on social media: @WriterBonnie

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This article originally appeared on Louisville Courier Journal: On Mother's Day 2024, I won't celebrate my mom. I honor her every day.