We’re invited to a Memorial Day pool party, but we have to pay. Is that normal?
Q. We started having Memorial Day parties three years ago when we moved into a new house with a pool. We invited our family, and friends from where we lived before, and our surrounding new neighbors. It was a lot of fun.
The only problem is that both neighbors on either side of our house seem to think it was a “permanent” invitation so every year, as soon as they see people coming into our house or appearing near the pool, they come with their swim towels and a bottle of some kind of cheap wine.
We get along fine with them but never get invited to their homes for anything throughout the year – they just show up on Memorial Day weekend. It doesn’t seem to matter to them if we have the party on Saturday, Sunday, or Monday, they come. My husband and I think this is rather presumptuous of them.
We would like to somehow “disinvite” them, and thus have room to invite other new friends, but at the same time, we know it is important to maintain a friendly relationship with your neighbors. What’s the proper thing to do?
A. As you said, it is important to maintain a friendly relationship with your neighbors. You have that friendly relationship with these two neighbors even if they do not invite you for any parties at their homes; therefore, it reminds me of that old saying: “If it ain’t broke; don’t fix it.”
Just remind yourself to think twice about inviting them if you ever decide to start having New Year’s Eve parties.
Q. My boyfriend, at the time, and I invited a bunch of our then-friends to a Memorial Day party at my apartment’s swimming pool. It was a rather big bunch of people because a lot of the people who lived in my apartment complex also invited their friends.
This year, the HOA made a ruling that since the pool was for everyone who lived there, and use it, they felt the crowd got too large last year, so each person living there got eight tickets to give to family and friends to come to a Memorial Party on either Saturday, Sunday or Monday, and the owner (two tickets) had to attend the party with them.
Since I no longer have that boyfriend, I distributed the tickets to just my close friends. One of them called and said she was coming and that she was bringing my last year’s boyfriend. I thought she was kidding at first, but when I realized she wasn’t, I told her I didn’t think that was a good idea.
She got upset, accused me of being jealous and added a few other unkind words, and hung up. I didn’t know she was dating him or I wouldn’t have invited her. I always thought of her as a good friend even though we didn’t get a lot of time to hang out together because of our jobs. So was I being narrow-minded and inconsiderate by not allowing her to bring him?
A. There are friends and there are friends. At least she told you what her plan was before just showing up with your last year’s boyfriend, but it’s your party and you are in charge of the guest list.
If his being there would make you feel uncomfortable, then he should not be there. If your friend cannot understand that, then she may not be the “friend” you thought she was.
Q. Is it normal to have to pay to go to a friend’s Memorial Day Pool Party? My husband and I have been invited to a party at so much per couple which the invitation says includes a BBQ dinner, adult beverages and fireworks.
We regretted but is this a new trend to make your guests pay to come to what is supposed to be “a little informal” Memorial Day Party?
A. No, it is definitely not a normal type of party invitation nor is it any kind of party “trend” I am aware of.
