Interested in Wearing a Gag? Here’s What You Should Know
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It’s not surprising that most people are a bit aalarmed by or even scared of using gags in sex. The image of an individual, mouth agape, fueled with emotions of humiliation, sadism and fantasy can leave some disinterested.
Gags are primarily centered on the dominant and submissive dynamic in kink. The gag is a piece of bondage equipment that muffles a submissive partner. Since gags come in a variety of shapes and sizes, it’s best to understand which bondage piece should be incorporated into your S&M experimentation.
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Gags are fun sex toys regardless of whether you’re in a BDSM relationship or not. While they may seem a little tricky at first, gags can increase physical and emotional connections in the bedroom.
Let’s get down to the logistics of gags in the bedroom.
First of all, why gags?
A gag creates an intimate and intense hierarchy, a clear understanding of who is the dominant and who is the submissive. The gag serves as a silencer, which enhances BDSM scenes and affects your moment together, especially in subspace. The submissive, or the individual wearing the gag, will have mental and physical arousal while wearing the gag. For the dominant, the gag serves as reinforcement. Many gags have extra features for restraints, which the dominant can include in their BDSM scene.
Since smaller gags can be worn longer without as much pain, they work just as well as an intermediate ball gag — and they can be fairly inexpensive if you’re a beginner or dabbling.
What happens to someone when they wear a gag?
A warning: Gags are going to cause a lot of drooling. And guess what? That’s the majority of the appeal for both submissive and dominant. Your mouth will not be able to swallow as easily and the drool becomes a turn-on.
Visually, gags are stimulating, and they are emotionally vulnerable, which adds to the dominant/submissive experience. For many kinksters, ball gags create a moment of animal instincts. Instead of having a pressure to moan, speak or audibly describe sexual pleasure, the gag forces the submissive to simply feel the pleasure.
Another aspect of the gag is trust. In BDSM scenes in general, trust is the most important connection between the dominant and submissive. The dominant is saying to the submissive, “trust me” when they put the ball gag on their partner. This in itself is a sensory overload, which creates intense reactions that can result in an orgasm or two.
While a gag may seem like a hardcore component of BDSM, it’s really a beginner’s piece of equipment. Like restraints, blindfolds and paddles, gags are a key part of S&M, and they come in many different styles, sizes and options.
Keep in mind that ball gag play should be limited because the risk of removing speech and restricting your breathing should not be a constant element of your S&M scene. Kinky World advises that submissives should not wear their ball gag for longer than 20 minutes at a time. Since jaw muscles fatigue quickly, it’s important to make sure your dominant is aware of the time. However, gags come in all shapes and sizes and can be customized to your specific liking. And, let’s say you aren’t ready to jump into a full throttle gag just yet — you can always tie a scarf around you or your partner’s mouth to act as an easily removable and breathable gag to test the waters first.
What type of gag should you consider?
A first-time user should look into a small ball gag that can be easily adjusted. Many shops sell beginner gags with the idea that the wearer will want to have a comfortable experience without stretching open their mouth too much and with the strap fitting snugly but safely around their head. A beginner should be able to easily breath with the gag as well as make sounds. Moreover, a body-safe gag with a silicone ball is important for smoothness, softness and cleanliness.
A traditional ball gag creates fullness for the person who is wearing it. Finding a gag that fits your mouth perfectly may take some time, especially as you move up in size and into intermediate or advanced gags.
Another option for a beginner isn’t a ball-shape at all, but a cylinder-shape gag, or bit gag, on which a first-timer can chew most easily. This type of gag was originally worn for pony play outfits, where the submissive took over the roll of a horse. There are typically O-rings with which the dominant can gently interact. A plus side of a bit gag is that the submissive doesn’t open their mouth terribly wide and breathing is fairly easy. There’s also a number of dildo-shaped gags (internal or external) to play with
Gags also come in several styles and colors: Pink, purple, black and red are just a small sample of what you can choose from when shopping for the bondage piece.
When you’re ready, moving up to intermediate and advanced gags can include large balls that completely prevent breathing and audible sound. Some gags include locks and metal mouthpieces. This, in time, may be what you and your partner are looking for after you’ve decided you love your beginner’s gag.
Let’s say you aren’t ready to jump into a ball gag just yet. Tie a scarf around you or your partner’s mouth to act as an easily removable and breathable gag.
A precaution to take into consideration when beginning to include gags is to always have a safety signal. A word is typically used for BDSM scenes, but since the gag may prevent any understandable language, a signal or tap can be utilized. Starting off slow with a gag is incredibly important. Responsibilities for the dominant includes checking in on their submissive to make sure everything still feels comfortable and to not go too fast into the BDSM scene, as it may cause, well, gagging.
OK, you have a gag — now what?
After you have decided on which gag you want to use, whether homemade or store-bought, you’re going to want to discuss communication with your partner. Before anything begins, a safe word or safe signal should be established. Make sure the submissive doesn’t have any sickness or illness that will cause a runny or stuffy nose, further preventing any breathing during the scene.
The submissive should hold the gag to their mouth as the dominant adjusts the straps behind their head. It may take some time to get a ball gag securely into the submissive’s mouth, depending on size. Since ball gags sit right behind the teeth, the submissive will have to apply some pressure to force the ball behind their teeth.
The dominant should strap the gag on while communicating with the submissive about tightness and secureness. For first-time use, a bit of a loose strap is fine, but you don’t want your gag to fall off during a scene.
After the gag is strapped on, the dominant should ask their submissive questions, even though their submissive cannot speak. This will begin to set the scene and create a playful experience for you as the gagged or for your gagged partner.
Remember to keep track of time to make sure the submissive doesn’t become fatigued with the gag on — checking in, looking out for signals and being careful are all important characteristics of a beginner’s first time with a gag. As a beginner, you’re going to feel a bit sore and tired after wearing your ball gag.
After the scene is finished, simply take out the gag and clean it later.
Remember to have a post-game chat after your first time experimenting!
When exploring kinks for the first time as a pair, you want to always make sure you’re taking the time for aftercare (cuddles! conversation! hydration!) and then a debrief where you can talk about the experience/scene. What did you like? What didn’t you like? What worked and didn’t work? Kinky encounters are always an ongoing evolving conversation and you can only improve the experience by being open and talking it out. (Now that you can).
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A version of this story was published October 2017.
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