Inside r/ServerLife and the great debate about stacking your dishes in restaurants
Welcome to r/ServerLife, the subreddit where servers educate customers, air their grievances and contemplate the greater mysteries of the food service industry.
“Server, waiter, waitress? Welcome home, take off your apron, have a glass, and let’s chat about work, cause c’mon, as much as you act like you don’t wanna talk about it, you do,” the subreddit’s description reads.
Boasting over 202,000 active members, r/ServerLife exists within the top 1% of Reddit’s 138,000 subreddits. Much like the TikTok that revealed the heartbreaking truth behind those sizzling fajita dishes served at places like Chili’s and Denny’s, the subreddit provides a behind-the-scenes look into the restaurant world.
While most posts are penned by servers, some are written by customers looking for servers’ insights — such as the trending post pondering the proper way (if one exists) to stack empty plates at the end of the meal.
The great stacking debate
Posted by u/pMj_7887 on Oct. 18, the post — entitled, “From someone who has never worked in a restaurant, does it help to stack our plates after eating? Does it make it worse?” — quickly racked up over 14,000 upvotes.
According to the nearly 4,000 servers who weighed in, stacking can be very helpful — but only if done properly.
“It’s helpful if the all trash is separated from everything. Most people tend to stick the trash between bowls, dishes, cups, etc,” replied Reddit user missxangie.
“Stacking is nice. This is not stacking. This is 3 or 4 separate piles of mess to fix before we stack it,” replied user u/RemarkablyQuiet434.
One server, u/WanderingAnchorite, broke down the exact way customers should stack their dirty dishes in order to be helpful:
“all the dinner plates stacked together,
all the side plates stacked together,
all the ramekins on top of the plates,
all the bowls stacked together,
all utensils gross-side-down in the glasses, and
all the trash just in a pile (this is actually the most important part)”
However, some servers expressed gratitude for customers’ attempts at helping, even when it’s not done perfectly.
“It is always an appreciated gesture when people stack plates. Don’t listen to these nincompoops,” commented user u/PorterJUA.
Servers undergo more stress than neurosurgeons
While the viral stacking debate was penned by a customer, the majority of posts made within r/ServerLife come from servers looking to rant about their customer service woes.
Whether it’s wondering why customers expect to receive food they never ordered, insist on sitting at tables that aren’t ready yet or act perplexed when the exact meals they ordered arrive at the table, thousands of servers take to the subreddit daily to let off a little steam.
According to a 2015 study, servers undergo more stress than neurosurgeons and have a 22% higher risk of stroke on average than those with low-stress jobs.
That’s because demanding jobs that offer employees little control, such as those in the customer service field, are among the most detrimental to mental and physical health.
Thus, it’s no wonder why so many servers turn to the subreddit to communally commiserate.
However, while many likely find comfort in venting to their fellow waiters and waitresses, this communal commiseration — also referred to as “twinship function” — can have negative side effects as well.
Is this type of commiseration helpful or harmful?
To learn more about the “twinship function,” In The Know by Yahoo spoke to licensed therapist Angela Nauss, who specializes in helping anxious and traumatized clients cope with stress.
“British psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott wrote about the ‘twinship function’ nearly half a century ago,” explained Nauss. “This refers to a peer relationship that allows the individual to see themselves reflected in another person, and Winnicott believed it was essential for the healthy development of a self-identity.”
However, there is a flip side to this kind of commiseration — especially if it reflects only negative experiences.
“Although online communities can provide a twinship function, they can become toxic if the only thing you see reflected is your most negative qualities,” said Nauss.
“Communities that are nothing but ranting and horror stories reinforce a bleak message that everyone lives in a world of desperation and despair.”
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