We interrupt your regularly scheduled NBA offseason programming of mock drafting, free agency speculation and trade rumormongering to bring you this very important announcement: Luka Doncic, the highly coveted 19-year-old Slovenian hoop phenom, is shooting his shot with Jennifer Aniston.
The former “Friends” star may be 30 years his senior (seriously, how is she almost 50?!?!), but that isn’t stopping Doncic, a projected top pick in Thursday’s draft, from listing a date with Aniston among his top priorities for the first five years of his NBA career, courtesy of Bleacher Report’s Howard Beck:
I can now confirm Luka Doncic's status as the top prospect in this draft pic.twitter.com/xoK7OpqoVl
— Ben Rohrbach (@brohrbach) June 19, 2018
“I hear she’s single now,” Doncic told Beck.
This is true. Aniston separated from her husband Justin Theroux this past September, and Doncic is willing to give her a few years to get over the divorce, as we learned from his early NBA career goals:
• Year 1: Win Rookie of the Year, posterize Kristaps Porzingis and be King of New York.
• Year 2: Take care of his people, start a business in Ljubljana, get his own signature shoe and make an All-NBA team, the playoffs and the All-Star roster.
• Year 3: A new car or two, maybe appear in a Drake song and then shoot his shot with Jen.
• Year 4: Train with the best and MVP of the league.
• Year 5: NBA champion.
Ambitious. So far, at least, Aniston has mostly dated fellow Hollywood actors — Theroux, Brad Pitt and Vince Vaughn, to name a few — occasionally veering into the music industry to give John Mayer and Adam Duritz a shot, but Doncic is holding out for her late-career turn as a slump-busting basketball prospect groupie a la Susan Sarandon in “Bull Durham.” (And if Doncic were really ambitious, he’d consult Duritz, the Counting Crows lead singer, on how to get in with both Aniston and Courtney Cox.)
I’m not sure if Doncic’s devotion to Aniston is based on Spanish TV reruns, but kudos to Jen for having the staying power to catch the eye of an international star who wasn’t born for another five years after “Friends” first debuted in 1994. This should happen, if only for the LukaFer celebrity nickname.
“I mean, she’s nice,” Doncic added in his conversation with Beck. “I just like her.”
Speaking of shooting his shot, Doncic was 45.1 percent from the field for Real Madrid this past season.
In other important Doncic news, the teen with a tiger tattoo on his left forearm told Beck he “will buy a tiger — like Mike Tyson,” and he might not be kidding, so that should probably go in the scouting report. He might have a better shot with Aniston if, like Kyrie Irving, he got a “Friends” tattoo instead.
Now back to your regularly scheduled NBA programming.
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