I'm Literally Baffled By These 12 Weird Things British People Thought About Americans In 2022
Taskmaster! Idris Elba! The Beatles! British people are brilliant and talented...except when they aren't. Over the past year, I found 12 bizarre things that Brits thought about Americans, and now I will lovingly — and gleefully — mock them for it.
Pinewood Studios, UKTV @UKTVGIFBANK / Via media.giphy.com
Disclaimer: No Brits were harmed in the making of this BuzzFeed post, but a few were lightly roasted.
For any British people reading, you can return fire in the comments. I have no doubt that you'll do our centuries-old conflict justice.
Hamilton: An American Musical @hamiltonmusical / Via media.giphy.com
Dump the tea in the harbor and grab your bayonet, because I'm about to stand up to British tyranny!!
1.Americans don't have electric kettles
@stefanroberts Genuinely don't understand how Americans get by without kettles. I don't even drink tea and use it for about three different daily tasks.
I've seen an even funnier version of the "Americans don't have electric kettles" myth floating around TikTok comment sections, where some Brits INSIST that Americans CAN'T use electric kettles because our electricity isn't powerful enough.
It's truly sad that our electricity can power microwaves, refrigerators, building-wide heating and cooling systems, and even electric stoves (which we regularly use to boil water), but somehow electric kettles have baffled and confounded our rudamentary electrical grid. 🙃
2.Americans stole the uniquely British concept of "meat wrapped in pastry"
Apparently, a select few Brits are operating under the profound delusion that any country — much less one with the diverse collection of flavorful cuisines that America enjoys — would ever willingly steal any aspect of the British diet.
Or, as the brilliant American TikToker, Rynnstar, put it:
3.American cuisine is limited to hamburgers, pizza, and instant foods
America is called a melting pot for a reason; so many different people from all over the world move here and bring their home cultures and cuisines with them. But I suppose if the only thing you know about the US is that it's the home of McDonald's, you might come to this conclusion.
4.Americans drink "squash" (a some-assembly-required juice-like drink)
Earlier this year, I wrote a quiz for Americans to guess the meaning of British terms. One word in the quiz was "squash," aka a fruit juice concentrate popular in the UK. I was charmed by the very sweet Brits in my comment section who were concerned that most of the US was missing out on squash. We mostly buy our juice fully mixed and ready to drink, but squash sounds delightful!
5.Americans are pleasant, nice, and generally happy people (decidedly untrue)
I have to wonder: Have the people who think this ever met an American? Every single one of us has incandescent rage bubbling right below the surface at all times — with the exception of everyone in the Northeast, whose rage has already bubbled over and become everyone else's problem.
I think they must be mistaking the Midwest and Southern performance of "nice" with the general concept of "being happy," which is a fatal flaw if you ever visit the US. Truly, being grumpy about one thing or another is the ONLY thing everyone in this country has in common.
6.Americans only say "fall," not "autumn"
The words "fall" and "autumn" both originated in the UK and are generally used interchangeably in the US. Any preference for one word over the other is regional.
Also, to any Brit who mocks the simplicity of the word "fall" because "leaves fall down," might I remind you of your word for an elevator? You know — the thing that takes people from the ground floor and lifts them up to another floor?
7.Americans would be sent into a coma if we ever encountered cities, bros, corner shops, or Razor scooters
Alright, let's break this TikTok list down:
— I guarantee there's nothing you can experience in any UK city that is more unpleasant and chaotic than getting stuck underground on a packed NYC subway with no idea why you stopped or when you'll start moving again.
— Your driving test may be difficult, but at least you know everyone with a license is generally qualified to operate a motor vehicle. I invite you to take a road trip starting in Pittsburgh across Pennsylvania, cross the Ben Franklin Bridge into New Jersey, drive up to the George Washington Bridge and continue north through all of Connecticut, then take Mass Pike to Boston without suffering a series of heart attacks so dire that your trip ends with you checking into one of Boston's many hospitals. It's impossible.
— We, too, have middle schoolers and frat bros.
— Seriously, we also have public housing. (See the above point about cities.) But I invite literally any British person to try starting shit in a Waffle House and not emerge severely concussed.
— Razor scooters are from America, babes. Y'all seriously want to be us so bad. — Remember those middle schoolers we have? They also play recreational sports on the weekends. And remember those frat bros we have? They grow up to be Sports Dads™️. — I'll be honest. I don't know what a brain licker is, and I don't really care to find out — not because I am American, but because I am tired (a universal symptom of the human condition that I know y'all across the pond can relate to). — Guys, I don't know what to tell you. We have these too.
8.Each street has thousands of houses
Our building numbering system typically goes up by 10, 100, or 1000 by block, which is why some homes have addresses in the thousands despite our streets not having thousands of homes on them. But the confusion here is understandable! (And yes, "Kalamazoo" is indeed an excellent word.)
9.Americans don't know how much Brits dislike us (we do), but we'd care a lot if we knew (we don't)
@AaronRHanlon I think you overestimate how much Americans care about what the ordinary British person thinks about them.
10.American BuzzFeed writers who use hyperbole and irony must be 100% sincere
I have all the love in the world for every single BuzzFeed commenter*, but I'm BEGGING some of y'all to take a class at the Second City so we can get on the same page about my objectively hilarious jokes, which everyone should be laughing at hysterically**.
*That's irony.
**That's irony again. We know how to poke fun at ourselves.
Also, yes, BuzzFeed does ask Brits about American slang.
11.Americans don't use or understand sarcasm
Many an American has an anecdote of a British person who took our sarcasm literally and concluded that Americans are simple-minded as a result. It's just our cross to bear as the new reigning champions of dry wit and deadpan humor. (I said what I said. You can all argue about which country's version of The Office is superior in the comments.)
Case in point: This American woman was out with friends in London. They went to get food at 3:30 a.m., but the McDonald's was closed. Three British men overheard her joke that "I guess this really isn't a free country after all if your McDonald's isn't open." They thought she was serious and lost their entire minds.
You can watch the whole story here:
@nazaroundtheworld Replying to @melbell1288 i definitely think people take american sarcasm far too literally! #american #uk #sarcasm
♬ original sound - Naz | Around The World
12.And finally, the US doesn't have any history
I'll let the British YouTuber "Lost in the Pond" break down why he finds this perception of America particularly lazy:
"Even if you go back to 1776 through to the present day, yes it is a short amount of time in comparison to the history of Britain. But think about all the insane things that happened in that period! And even if you ignore all that, there's one thing that we tend to forget because we don't get taught it very deeply in Britain. And that is all the thousands of years of Native history that happened before we even turned up."
And he's right. I hate to break it to you, but your history is our history, and vice versa.
In fact, colonial America was our shared history until we dumped all your tea in Boston Harbor...probably because America hadn't invented the electric kettle yet.
🇺🇸 At least 2022 didn't include more "I can't believe Americans ACTUALLY have yellow school buses" discourse — I don't think any of us could live through another 365 days of that. 🇬🇧
Americans, did I miss anything? And Brits, did Americans think weird things about y'all this year?? Let me know in the comments! 👇
