52 Best New Year's Jokes for Adults and Kids
There are a lot of things you can do for good luck on New Year's Day. You can wear special colors, eat certain foods and follow some great traditions from around the world. But if you want to bring laughter and joy into 2024, the easiest and best way to do that is with a few New Year's jokes.
We’ve compiled a list of hilarious one-liners, dad jokes and more that you’ll can share with friends and family on New Year’s Eve. While you can always spit off a few at a gathering and make them part of your New Year toast, you can also spread the cheer with your social media followers by incorporating some funny sayings into your Instagram captions or even sending out holiday cards and text messages with humorous New Year’s wishes.
Most of the jokes here are good for kids, but there might be a few that go over their heads and are best for adults. So take a scroll through and see which one (or two, or three!) makes you laugh out loud the most. Fair-warning, though, so of these might also make your corny joke list.
What do you tell someone you didn't see on New Year's Eve?
I haven't seen you for a year!
My dad gave up smoking cold turkey for New Year's.
He's doing better now but.. he's still coughing up feathers.
Why do you need a jeweler on New Year's Eve?
To ring in the new year.
What was Dr. Frankenstein's New Year's resolution?
To make new friends.
What do snowmen like to do on New Year's Eve?
Chill out!
Last year, I was able to keep all of my New Year's resolutions...
tucked away in a journal on my bookshelf.
What do you call someone who says they know all the words to "Auld Lang Syne"?
A liar.
What did the chef make for his New Year's dinner?
New Year's filet.
I made a New Year's resolution to drink more water.
So far I've only gotten as far as "drink more."
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve.
Middle age is when you're forced to.
What New Year's resolution should a basketball player never make?
To travel more.
Did you hear about the guy who started fixing breakfast at midnight on Dec. 31?
He wanted to make a New Year's toast!
Why did the man sprinkle sugar on his pillow on New Year's Eve?
He wanted to start the year with sweet dreams.
My resolution was to read more...
So I put the subtitles on my TV.
Knock Knock. Who's there? Radio.
Radio who? Radio not, its a new year.
What should people never eat on New Year's Eve?
Fire crackers.
In what year did Christmas Day and New Year's Day fall in the same year?
Every year!
What's the one group that hates New Year's Day?
The New Year's Eve clean-up crew.
Knock knock. Who's there? Cheese.
Cheese who? For cheese a jolly good fellow.
This New Year I resolve to be less awesome...
Since that is really the only thing I do in excess.
What did the cat say on New Year's Eve?
"Meow."
Why do birds fly south for New Year's Eve?
It's too far to walk.
Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve.
It’s December 31st.
My New Year’s resolution is to stop procrastinating.
But I’ll wait until tomorrow to start.
New Year?
I just got used to this last one!
"I promise not to make any bad jokes for the rest of the year."
— A dad on New Year's Eve.
What do you call always wanting a date for New Year’s Eve?
Social Security.
Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer?
To start off the new year in a cool way.
What does a ghost say on January 1st?
Happy Boo Year!
What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve?
The ice falls out of your drinks!
I love when they drop the ball in Times Square...
... It's a nice reminder of what I did all year.
Knock knock. Who's there? Abby.
Abby who? Abby New Year!
My New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full...
... with either rum, vodka or whiskey.
What is corn’s favorite holiday?
New Ear's Day.
What’s a cow’s favorite holiday?
Moo Year's Day!
I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year...
... but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
At the beginning of this year I made a New Year's resolution to lose 10 pounds...
... Only 15 more to go!
What is a New Year's resolution?
Something that goes in one year and out the other.
What's the best New Year's resolution?
1080p.
My New Year's resolution is to break my New Year's resolutions.
That way I succeed at something!
What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year's Eve?
He got 12 months!
An iPhone and a firework were arrested on New Year's Eve.
One was charged and the other was let off.
What did the little champagne bottle call his father?
Pop!
Where can you find comedians on New Year's Eve?
Waiting for the punchline.
Every New Year's Eve, I look forward to a good show at Time's Square...
... and year after year, they drop the ball.
Let’s celebrate New Year’s Eve...
... by making many pour decisions!
I would lose weight for my New Year's resolution...
... but I hate losing.
What do you call someone named Stephen on Dec 31?
New Year's Steve!
Why was 6 afraid of 9 on New Year's Eve?
Because 9, 8, 7...
Who gets the most excited about the New Year's Eve countdown?
Calendar companies.
What do New Year's parades have in common with Santa Claus?
No one is ever awake to see them.
Dracula passed out at midnight on New Year's Eve;
there was a count down.
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