Hey Parents, It's OK If You're Struggling With Back-To-School Emotions Too
If your kid walked into the first day without a care in the world leaving you behind, we feel you.
Fact checked by Sarah Scott
Nothing could have surprised me more than how each of my children reacted on the first day of school. I spent all summer worrying about my kindergartener, envisioning him clinging to me, and refusing to go into the school—as my heart simultaneously broke into a million pieces.
To say the moment played out nothing like what I’d feared is an understatement. He didn’t look back once as he strode confidently into the building, his oversized backpack the last thing I saw before my 5-year-old took on his first day of elementary school.
I'm pretty sure I heard the viral TikTok song "These Are The Days" by creator Cory Asbury (@coryasbury) playing in the distance. "Kindergarten drop of line... His first day of school didn't even cry...These are the days that we'll want back..." Cue the tears if you haven't heard it.
Then there was my fifth grader, who returned to the same school, to a classroom down the hall from last year’s, and who already knew many friends in her class. I hadn’t given much thought to how she’d readjust to school, figuring it would be fine. Except, my 10-year-old ended up experiencing a lot of anxiety on the first day back, and subsequently, I found myself worrying about her, instead of my son, all day long.
What I learned from our family’s first day back at school is no matter what you’re preparing for as a parent, things may not go as planned. And, kids are never too old to stress about a new year— or for you to worry about them!
Yup, whether your little one whistled into school like in a Mickey Mouse cartoon, or can’t sleep the night before the big day due to a case of jitters, adjusting to a new school year can be just as hard on parents as it is on kids.
Alyssa Mairanz, LMHC, CDBT, executive director and owner of Empower Your Mind Therapy in New York City, acknowledges this about parents and guardians during this time. “They may feel a stream of several emotions at once: anxiety, nervousness, worry, sadness, pride, gratitude, and even excitement to name a few,” she says. “It all depends on the individual family circumstances and concerns for how the child might develop, fit in, enjoy their time in school, and even projections from their own childhood experiences can creep in.”
Guess what? No matter how you feel, it’s all OK.
Meanwhile, as I learned, how a particular child reacts to the BTS routine definitely also plays a part in how we as parents feel. “If a child is feeling anxious or scared to go to school, it may elicit feelings of anxiousness and sadness in the parent,” Mairanz relatably says. “Going to school is a huge transition for kids, whether it might be their first year in school, or just transitioning back into the routine of school days with a whole new set of rules, teachers, structure, and guidelines to follow as opposed to the year before.”
Clinical psychologist Jenny Yip, PsyD, ABPP of Los Angeles-based Renewed Freedom Center seconds that notion. “If your children feel confident in their ability to get through their first day of school then it will calm your own anxiety and conflicted emotions,” she tells Parents. The goal is to model calm behavior for your child, which of course we all strive for. But what if you find yourself sobbing behind your sunglasses as your on-edge offspring looks to you for comfort before the bell rings? I’m just asking for a friend.
Coping with your own feelings surrounding back-to-school time and helping your child navigate this huge change to their lives “can be a delicate balance of understanding and communication,” says Mairanz. It’s essential to validate our complicated emotions about BTS, as we aim to make this transition easy for our kids.
We may be feeling a little pang of sadness that a kiddo didn’t need so much as a hug goodbye, or maybe we were caught off guard that a child is truly struggling—or feeling all the feels, like sweet, and admirably vulnerable TikTok creator and mom @strongstartfitness_, who I just want to hug! She was really feeling everything all at once after dropping her youngest off on the first day of daycare after being with her 24-7 for the first three years of her life.
Meanwhile, parents and guardians should be “safe spaces” for kids to vent their concerns about homework, new classmates, their too-long bus ride, or a strict teacher. Dr. Yip cautions parents to tread lightly, and not plant worries in kids’ heads, however, which can “actually trigger anxiety and discomfort for the child.”
So, how can we set our kids up for success in the new school year, which in turn will help every family member accept the reality that summer is gone for good? Dr. Yip believes the work begins before the first day of school, with setting expectations for your child about the new routine. This includes school supply shopping, visiting with teachers, as well as walking the school to build familiarity. Once the wake-up alarm goes off on that first morning, Mairanz suggests focusing on establishing a weekday routine, but also accepting that things won’t always go smoothly.
If you do everything you can to help prepare your child for school, and they still struggle with anxiety or other seemingly-overwhelming emotions, or your attempts to problem solve at home as the year progresses aren’t doing the trick, that’s when it’s time to seek support from a school counselor or other mental health professional.
Don’t forget to take care of yourself, too, Mairanz emphasizes. “Self-care is a top priority for parents and caregivers to help regulate emotions and decrease stress and anxiety,” she says.
Um, does doing absolutely nothing for a hot minute count as self-care? Because we gotta do this whole thing again tomorrow, and after the first day, this mama is completely emotionally exhausted!
Related: Back to School, Simplified featuring Gabrielle Union, Dwyane Wade and Kaavia James
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Read the original article on Parents.
