Here's How to Handle the End-of-Summer Scaries

Back-to-school anxiety can be hard to handle—for kids and their parents. Here's expert guidance on how to get excited instead.

Medically reviewed by Dr. Ann-Louise T Lockhart, PsyD, ABPP

I was driving my 9-year-old son to sleepaway camp early one summer when the questions started coming hard and fast from the middle row of the minivan:

“Mom, how long is camp?”

“When I get out of camp, how long will I have until school starts?”

“How many days is that?”

“How long will I be at home before school starts again?”

It took me a while to understand the source of the questions. At first, I thought he was nervous about going to sleepaway camp—which didn’t make sense, since he had gone the year before and loved every minute. But after I asked him some questions of my own, I figured it out: He was, just two weeks after finishing third grade, already worrying and nervous about going back to school again in August.

Even if you aren’t familiar with the term “Sunday Scaries,” you probably know what they are: That cocktail of melancholy mixed with dread that creeps up on you sometime late on a Sunday morning and grows throughout the day, leaving you clenching your teeth or nursing an anxious stomach by nightfall as you watch the hours dwindle away toward Monday morning and the week ahead.

But it’s not just adults with jobs, mortgages, and bosses who experience the Sunday Scaries; kids feel them, too. And for some kids, the weeks (or, in my son’s case, months!) leading up to the new school year can feel like the biggest Sunday Scary of all.

Here's how experts say parents can help their kids handle the end-of-summer scaries.

Related: What to Do When Your Kid Is 'the New Kid'

What Causes Back-to-School Anxiety?

Licensed clinical psychologist Sarah Spannagel, PhD, says that if we think about all the things our children do during the school year these days—sports or music practices, homework, school, clubs, sometimes navigating more than one household, part-time jobs, all on top of school itself—it makes sense they might find some trepidation mixed with the excitement of starting a new school year again.

“That’s why the weeks leading up to the new school year can feel pretty loaded,” says Dr. Spannagel. “Sometimes we have to help our children decode whether what they feel is excitement or nervousness or both, because they can ‘feel’ the same. Helping them understand that is important to reducing their stress.”

If your child is showing signs of tension about returning to school, Dr. Spannagel suggests asking some important questions. “Are you upset about the summer ending because you enjoy the summer so much? Or are you upset because you are dreading something about the school year to come?”

The answers to those questions will guide parents in their next steps. “And the answer may very well be ‘both,’” says Dr. Spannagel. “Then you can help them figure out the best way to tackle that combination of emotions.”

Easing into the transition by reading back-to-school books or buying school supplies might help. And for most kids, a few nerves about the new school year are a normal, reasonable reaction to the end of summer. Summer, just like weekends, is genuinely important for both kids and parents for several reasons.

“Kids’ school year weeks can be a grind—five days of coming home from school and doing a sport or aftercare and whatever they have at night, and parents are busy,” Dr. Spannagel explains. “Neither kids nor their parents own their weeks, but they feel more ownership over their weekends and summers.”

That feeling of ownership or control translates to a sense of “safety” during the summer, says parenting and youth development expert Deborah Gilboa, MD, and kids can feel anxious about possibly losing that comfort and autonomy.

Related: 4 Ways to Ease Back-to-School Anxiety and Stress

How to Handle Back-to-School Anxiety

Over the summer, and especially as the beginning of a new school year approaches, Dr. Spannagel advises keeping some kind of cadence to your family’s days and being mindful of completing any summer homework, however slowly, so students have fewer deadlines hanging over their heads as they ease into the transition from summer to school again.

“Break it up into reasonable chunks,” she says. “You still want them to have a summer, because summer is so important, but it’s no fun to do all the summer reading and math the last week leading up to school. Working on it slowly over the summer makes it feel more manageable.”

Talking about any feelings of stress and acknowledging them will also help children face the reentry back to the reduced flexibility and routine of school weeks. “Say, ‘What would help you make your school weeks easier?’ says Dr. Gilboa. “Adults can ask, ‘What can I do to help?’”

She suggests making a practice of holding weekly family meetings to look at the week ahead and determine what factors might make things more complicated for kids, such as if Mom has a work trip scheduled or there are away games for their sports teams.

Related: I Made a Mission Statement With My Family—Here’s Why It Works

“Work with your children to find ways to make their weeks more manageable, or even ask if there is something you can cancel that week to alleviate stress for them and all of you," says Dr. Gilboa. "Teach them we don’t have to be bound to our calendars all the time.”

Those previews may help kids learn how to navigate their loads. The practice, Dr. Gilboa says, helps set up a “good pattern for life.”

Confessing that adults can have back-to-school anxiety, too, may help—and so too can creating a routine to tackle that stress together.

Gilboa recommends both children and adults is taking an hour or two on Sundays, especially those leading up to the new school year, to set themselves up better for the week. Adults can meal prep or go through email, and kids can start on an assignment, if possible, to get ahead of their work. “A small investment of time can make reentry on Monday so much easier, it’s worth it,” she explains, and give them a sense of control going into the week.

Related: Kids Need Access to Mental Health Days

Let the Feelings Out

If your child is feeling anxious about the new school year, remember that feelings require empathy, says Gilboa. As parents, “We don’t make rules about feelings,” she says. “We might be curious as to why [the anxiety] is happening,” she says, but “there should not be consequences for sharing our feelings.”

Gilboa warns against telling children how they should or shouldn’t feel in these situations. “Don’t say, ‘But you love school!’ or ‘There’s nothing to be upset about,’” she says. “It doesn’t make anyone more resilient when you tell them how to feel. All you are conveying to them is that their feelings aren’t valid, and that never works.”

She also wants to encourage parents with kids who struggle with the thought of going back to school. “If your kids are bummed to end the summer, you must be doing something right at home. Something about home feels safe and nice,” she notes.

I have good news, too: My nervous 9-year-old, who once worried about going back to school the minute summer vacation started, is now a happy 19-year-old college sophomore. He is spending this summer working as a camp counselor himself, comforting kids like the one he used to be, and counting down the days until he can return to his college campus, where he has thrived. 

Related: Life After High School: Redefining Success for Today’s Teens

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