How To Help Your Child Overcome Test Anxiety

Carolyn Rahaman and Rita Templeton
·7 min read

Test anxiety can haunt even the brightest of kids, debilitating them and stifling their progress, resulting in a false impression of their capabilities. They might be perfectly proficient, but when they get nervous, everything they know goes out the window — and so does their test grade. For any kid, but especially those in upper grades taking “bigger” and more important tests, test anxiety can have a big impact. We spoke to some experts to find out why some kids struggle with test anxiety, what we can do to help them … and what they can do to help themselves.

Why do kids get test anxiety?

Dr. Carl Nassar PhD, LPC, tells SheKnows that there are several reason some kids feel anxious when it comes to test-taking, and it’s heartbreaking. “We’re told that our future security, and maybe even our future survival, will one day depend on how well we score,” he says. “We witness our parents’ happiness and relief when we get good grades; we begin to believe that our parents’ wellbeing is on the line. We come to over identify with these scores, believing they are a reflection of our value and our worth. Falling short here means we are not measuring up, that we are less deserving than our peers in important ways.”

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Learning strategist and test anxiety specialist Deena Kara Shaffer, Ph.D., offers up a few additional reasons. “When students feel ill-prepared or unconfident for an upcoming test, this can up the anxiety level,” she tells us. “Learners might also be feeling unclear about the assessment itself — not entirely sure what their teacher’s expectations are of them, how to approach things like studying and review, and might also be too afraid or intimated to ask for clarification. Other students might bring a perfectionistic energy to tests, putting disproportionate pressure on themselves.”

Also, Dr. Shaffer reminds us, test anxiety can be related to kids not getting enough rest or eating properly.

How to Overcome Test Anxiety

Understand the test itself. The more comfortable children are with the test material, the less likely they will be to allow their anxiety to overcome them during the test. Practice makes perfect, so ensure they complete their homework (including bonus questions in their textbooks), worksheets available on the internet or review questions in their preparation booklets until they can solve the types of questions with which they struggle in their sleep. Ensure that they understand the concepts, and encourage them to request help through teachers, tutors, classmates or family if they require additional support. It is also useful for students to have some foreknowledge of the structure of the exam so there are no unpleasant surprises.

“Encourage learners to ask their teacher any clarifying questions in advance, rally a study group of friends and peers who can work through tough material together, begin prepping well ahead of time of the test date, and to be efficient with their time and study strategies,” says Dr. Shaffer.

Utilize relaxation techniques. “Rehearsing coping statements like, ‘The chances that I will fail this test are very low’ or ‘I can tolerate earning any grade on this test’ restructures some of the maladaptive cognitions that lead to the anxiety response,” advises Dr. Jolie Silva, clinical psychologist and Chief Operating Officer of New York Behavioral Health. Getting the oxygen flowing can help too. “Deep breathing exercises beforehand could help relax the body prior to taking a test,” she says. “Focusing on taking long deep breaths from the diaphragm helps most people because it activates the parasympathetic nervous system, helping us to calm down and relax.” (Cedars-Sinai Medical Center has some great deep breathing exercises for kids and teens here.)

When your students’ stress levels rise, either during an exam or during preparations for said test, a moment to re-center and refocus can be really useful. Deep breathing directs additional oxygen to the brain and can enhance clarity. Students can also close their eyes, clear their mind, count to ten and then continue with a fresh outlook. These methods are key after forgoing a problem or while engaging with an especially frustrating question. Relax, refocus and carry on to the next problem without worrying over the last. Another technique is progressive muscle relaxation, in which your child tenses one set of muscles (such as his or her shoulders) as much as possible, then relaxes those muscles. With practice, children can begin to recognize when they’re tense, and develop a habit of relaxing those muscles.

What Parents Can Do to Help Kids With Test Anxiety

It’s difficult when we can’t physically be there with them during testing, because they’re on their own as far as coping techniques are concerned. But there are plenty of things we can do before we send them off. One is making sure we give them all the tools they need to succeed. “We can support our kids by offering a conducive environment to study ahead of time, nudging them to begin early, and turn to efficient strategies, like practice questions, instead of hours and hours of inefficient approaches like re-writing notes,” advises Dr. Shaffer. “We might help by instilling quiet hours, encouraging a distraction-free space, and offering to run through flash cards or vocabulary lists.”

Additionally, Dr. Shaffer says, it’s important to also point out that stress isn’t exactly unhealthy. “In talking to your kids, begin reminding them that some stress is actually important when taking any kind of test,” she tells us. “A little stress helps us perform better — it keeps us alert, engaged, and in some ways is a sign of care, that the course or program matters to them.”

Speak with your child openly and honestly. Why, exactly, are they anxious? What do they believe will happen if they perform poorly? Why are the questions frightening when given as a test rather than homework? This can be an excellent opportunity to talk about your expectations for your kids. Children can often make the assumption that you expect perfection, and by not achieving that impossible goal, they’re letting you down. Be clear about what you expect from them: a passing grade, a clear effort to study, or a solid understanding of the material when it’s not a test. Determine what they expect from themselves, and what they assume the consequences will be. A poor score on the ACT doesn’t mean they will never attend college and will never secure a job. A poor grade on a high school entrance exam does not mean they will not be admitted to high school. A poor grade on an algebra test does not mean you will stop loving them. You may know as much, but ensure that they do as well.

“The best way to alleviate our anxiety is by finding assurances in the relationships around us. We need our caregiver relationships to assure us that they will not define us based on these results, that we will not be a disappointment or seen as ‘less than’ if we don’t meet a certain mark,” says Dr. Nassar.

Perhaps above all, we need to remind our kids that their test scores don’t define them.

“[Test scores] don’t measure our growing capacity to build healthy relationships. They don’t measure the cultivation of our natural curiosity. They don’t measure the development of a sense of virtue or humility. They don’t even measure our care for and desire to deeply understand our world,” Dr. Nassar points out. “Instead, these points measure two tasks above all others: our ability to study and our test performance.” There are far more important things — and though these may seem important in the short-term, they’re not what matters most in the long run.

“After all,” Dr. Nassar continues, “in all my 25 years as a psychotherapist, no client ever arrived in my office and asked me, ‘So, what was your GPA?'”

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