Halsey is ready to talk about her miscarriage, an experience she recently described as "demoralizing."
In a new interview with the Guardian, the 25-year-old pop star said she regrets sharing this part of her personal journey in the past after some now deleted social media posts were the target of online abuse.
"It’s the most inadequate I’ve ever felt," she explained. "Here I am achieving this out-of-control life, and I can’t do the one thing I’m biologically put on this earth to do. Then I have to go onstage and be this sex symbol of femininity and empowerment? It is demoralizing."
In the past the singer has been open about her struggles with endometriosis—a condition that causes the tissue that normally lines the uterus to grow outside it and can lead to infertility in up to half of the women with the diagnosis.
During a 2018 episode of The Doctors, Halsey explained her miscarriage happened while she was on tour.
“Before I could really figure out what that meant to me and what that meant for my future, for my career, for my life, for my relationship, the next thing I knew I was onstage miscarrying in the middle of my concert,” she said. “And the sensation of looking a couple hundred teenagers in the face while you’re bleeding through your clothes and still having to do the show, and realizing in that moment that I never want to make that choice ever again of doing what I love or not being able to because of this disease.”
Thankfully, she told the Guardian, her latest prognosis is positive and motherhood is "looking like something that’s gonna happen for me. That’s a miracle."
In January, while promoting her Manic album, Halsey also told Apple Music's Zane Lowe that she wrote the lyrics to her song "More"—which is about her deep desire to have a baby—after doctors informed her that her treatments and healthier lifestyle have made it possible for her to have a healthy pregnancy.
"It was a moment where I felt like I had leveled up in life. It was this, like, ascension into a different kind of womanhood," she said. "I wrote the lyrics to 'More' in, like, four minutes or less. It just spilled out of me."
Originally Appeared on Glamour