People Are Sharing The Therapy Session That Finally Helped Everything Make Sense For Them
For anyone that's been in therapy, you know that making progress is a marathon, not a sprint. I don't think anyone walks out of their first session having resolved all their issues. It can sometimes take years, different treatments, or maybe even different therapists to really get to the root of everything.
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So, when you do have that moment where everything just seems to click, it's super rewarding. After having one of these eye-opening sessions myself, I wanted to ask the BuzzFeed Community what their big "everything makes sense now" moment in therapy was. Here were their responses:
Content warning: This post contains discussions of mental illness, including suicidal ideation and eating disorders.
1."I was in therapy for PTSD, and at the beginning of therapy, my therapist talked about eventually being able to put the event that caused it in 'a box' mentally and being able to keep it there until I chose to 'take it out' again."
"This was during a time when my PTSD was all consuming, and the thought of boxing it up and moving on seemed impossible. By the end, it all made sense. I'm able to pass by triggers without a second thought, but still dig into the emotions when I CHOOSE to rather than the triggers making the choice for me. Therapy gave me back control over my thoughts, emotions, and reactions that I never thought I'd have again."
2."'You did not cause what's happening to you. You are not responsible for your illness, and you don't deserve it. But now, you have to live with it. Only you can save yourself. It's unfair and cruel, but now, it's your task to work yourself out of it. And it will be hard work. But it can only get better.'"
Up until this point, a lot of my thoughts in therapy circled around the question of guilt. Did I 'deserve' my disorder because I did not fight it hard enough? Was it only bad luck in genetics? Were my parents 'guilty' for some unfortunate decisions born from good intentions? Was it all only a severe trauma reaction?
And then it clicked: It doesn't really matter why it was happening to me. What matters is how I'm handling it, and what I can do about it. It did not only improve my coping strategies, but also my relationship with my parents. Being able to change my story was freeing. BPD doesn't mean your life is only a reflection of your past."
—anonymous
3."I have a lot of issues with my mother. My therapist said she has 'emotional limitations.' I kind of balked at that."
"She asked if I would be angry if my mother had cognitive limitations. I said no. She then asked if I would be upset about physical limitations. I said no. She then asked why emotional limitations would be different. I started to see my mother in a whole new light. We still don’t have a good relationship, but I am not as angry or resentful anymore."
4."I had a traumatic event in my life that caused PTSD. Because of that, I have two years surrounding the trauma where I literally don't remember anything. It's completely gone. I was working with therapists for years to recover my memories, etc. It wasn't until a therapist asked me, 'Do you want to recover the memories?' I hadn't really thought about it."
"She helped me accept that my brain was protecting me and it's ok to not remember. So, I stopped trying to recover memories and have never looked back! Instead of blaming myself, I am now thankful that younger me was trying to protect me."
—anonymous
5."Not sure about the penny dropping on the whole thing, but I remember talking to my therapist about a friend that I was once close with, but we’ve since drifted apart. We talked about how much I should make more of an effort with her, as she may be feeling the same way."
"After the session, I realized that I had been making the most effort, and she had been neglecting me. Instead of me reaching out to her, I decided to cut my losses and keep her as an 'arms distance' friend. I find myself no longer feeling disappointed or hurt by her, and now, there’s more room for my real friends."
6."My therapist made a very helpful distinction between feelings and behaviors. Even if you can't control your internal feelings that may naturally come up, you can control your behaviors and your external responses to those feelings."
"Just because you feel angry inside doesn't mean that you need to behave in an angry way outwardly. And in fact, sometimes behaving the opposite of your feelings can help keep negative feelings in check!
For example, holding your partner's hand and consciously keeping your tone of voice soft DURING an argument, as awkward as it may be at first, can help diffuse feelings of anger and disconnect. I distinguish my feelings versus my behaviors all the time now. It doesn't mean you need to deny, suppress, or ignore your feelings: They are real and valid. It's just about making a conscious, constructive choice about how to behave in light of them."
—anonymous
7."I have OCD. I thought my ruminations and panic attacks where just general anxiety and depression, but the minute we started talking about 'Pure O,' it was like my whole life made sense, and I no longer felt like a monster."
I wish I had a diagnosis sooner because I need a specific type of therapy to get better. I realized I’m not suicidal; I have suicidal OCD. The intrusive thoughts are something happening to me rather than me wanting to die. I was so scared for so long, but now, I am confident I want to live."
—anonymous
8."I’ve suffered from social anxiety for almost my entire life. It would go through spikes and dips of getting better then worse over the years, the worst of it being my later teen years. I always had a hard time pinning my earliest memories about it because, as far as I could recall, I’ve always felt that way."
"When my therapist asked me to elaborate, I said, very nonchalantly, 'Like, if I was in a store or restaurant or something and would start crying or having a fit, my mom would say everyone was looking at me because it was causing a scene, and I would stop because I didn’t want people staring at me.' As soon as I finished the sentence, it clicked.
I definitely do not blame my mother for being the cause of all my anxiety; we actually have a good relationship. The moment was just the first seed I allowed myself to recognize, and then open up to, earlier and larger triggers."
9."I have bad panic attacks, and my therapist said when we are panicking, we are experiencing 'lizard brain.' We are legit operating at the function of a lizard's brain: full survival mode. That’s why it’s very hard to talk yourself out of a panic attack, because our body is only focusing on survival. She told me to hold on to ice and suck on sour candy — it helps ground us back to a better state of mind. This was a game-changer for me."
—anonymous
10."When I was in therapy for my eating disorder, my therapist made me say out loud, 'I have anorexia, and I am in recovery.' It made me realize how ashamed I was of that title. But it’s not something shameful; it’s an illness. I felt like I didn’t deserve to recover and that I was weak for getting help. It made me recognize that I have serious issues with not being perfect."
11."Finding a therapist for a therapist (me) can be difficult but essential to my mental health and the work I do with my clients. The moment everything clicked was after I worked a 70-hour week and had a complete breakdown."
"My next therapy session, she helped me realize that giving 110% to all my clients was detrimental to the other parts of my life. 'Giving 80-90% to your clients is still better than the 0% they were getting before therapy.' I'm a helper at my core, but you can't pour from an empty cup!"
—anonymous
12."My therapist and I had a conversation like this last night. She was basically telling me not to be the 'good girl' society conditioned me to be. The way she said 'good girl' triggered me."
"I remembered that my literal first words I ever learned were 'pretty' and 'good girl.' In that moment, it clicked that not only the outside world had conditioned me to be submissive, my own parents did from the very start as well. No wonder it’s been such a challenge for me to be assertive of my needs, but this knowledge will definitely help direct my progress going forward."
13."I've been in and out of therapy for anxiety for several years. I've come to realize that me and my dad have been managing my mom's anxiety our whole lives, and that she is incapable of doing so herself (refuses to get therapy for it). Recently, my dad has been battling an aggressive form of cancer which has opened up all the anxieties, sending me back to therapy."
"To help, my current therapist had me do a guided meditation, having me follow my childhood self through the house I grew up in. He asked me who was there, and all I saw were the dogs and cats I grew up with. At that moment, I realized my parents weren't able to provide me with the love and support I needed.
I know that they love me, but they are emotionally immature, and nothing can change that. While that seems terrible, it's been quite a relief to realize that and has made me a healthier person as a result."
—anonymous
14."When my therapist casually said, 'Feelings aren't good or bad, it's just how you feel,' it was mind-blowing. I started asking my friends if they knew this secret knowledge about feelings. It seems they did, and I was just wildly unaware for the first 40 years of my life."
15."It all clicked for me when I was talking to my therapist about my ex-fiancé. How when it was good, it was really good. When it was bad, it was really bad. Just like my relationship with my dad. I was so used to the hot and cold relationship, I thought it was normal to experience that. Not until I was older and in therapy did I realize how a real relationship should look."
—anonymous
16."I had an amazing session with my therapist that ran a bit longer than normal, because we just hit some kind of stride while starting on EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). We touched on the topics of supporting someone in grief, my own childhood trauma, and my traumas in relationships."
"Two key things she told me (not kidding, I brought my phone out both times just to write them down) were: 1. Grief isn’t something that can be fixed, it’s about creating a safe space to be heard or to listen and 2. Why the hell would you tie your own self-worth up with a piece of shit?
Blew my mind how simple these things are, and yet, I couldn’t get there on my own. I still pull that note up and reread her words every few weeks when I doubt myself."
—anonymous
17."Before therapy, I thought being able to name a feeling or clearly state what was happening to me meant that I was in control and had 'processed' my shit. Dead wrong. I was intellectualizing all these massive life events to cope with my inability to be vulnerable."
"Now, when something happens in my life, I have to catch myself and ask, 'Am I just explaining this to myself to move on, or am I letting myself feel it?' Since this shift, I have made big changes in my life: quit my dead-end job, started advocating my needs in my relationship, started setting boundaries with problematic relatives, and started telling people 'no.'"
—anonymous
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
Dial 988 in the US to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org. The Trevor Project, which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386.
