How Can You Be a Good, Straight Ally to LGBTQ+ Loved Ones?

With Pride Month fast approaching, it might be a good time to reflect on the support you’ve shown your queer friends and family. Straight allies are important in the lives of people within the LGBTQ+ community and outside of them. As an LGBTQ+ ally, you can spread awareness about discrimination LGBTQ+ people might face. Being a straight ally can also mean that you're just setting a good example for others struggling to get there for their queer loved ones.

And it’s hard to jump into something you don’t understand or that you don’t want to make mistakes on. If you’re wondering how to be an ally if your child just came out to you or if you want to make sure you’re making your work environment as inclusive as possible, read on.

Related: 29 Best LGBTQ+ Books for Adults (2023)

What is an ally?

If you look up what the word “ally” means, Dictionary.com has a few definitions. In verb form, it means “to unite formally" or it can mean to associate with someone in a mutual relationship. As a noun, “ally” means “a person, group or nation that is associated with another or others for some common cause or purpose.” And quite simply, an “ally” can mean “supporter.”

Anyone in a position of power or in a position that isn’t as oppressed as another group can be an ally to a marginalized group. You can be an ally to the Black Lives Matter effort or to women in the #MeToo movement. And an LGBTQ+ ally is exactly that; someone who supports queer people and their causes even if they’re not a part of the community themselves.

What does 'straight ally' mean?

Whether you use the words "LGBTQ+ ally" or "straight ally," they mean the same thing. As Summa Health Pride Clinic has written, “Allies are important and welcome supporters of the LBGTQ movement, as they have one of the most powerful, influential voices.” If you’re straight and cisgender, you have privileges that people in the LGBTQ+ community don’t have. So not only is it important for straight allies to support the queer people in their lives, but LGBTQ+ allies also have the ability to protect and champion gay causes and people.

Now, that doesn’t mean you should go all White Straight Savior with this, but essentially, it’s important for those in positions of power to include and support those in marginalized communities in society.

Related: 17 LGBTQ+ Pride Flags and What They Each Represent

Ways to be a good ally to the LGBTQ+ community

As Queer in The World has explained, LGBTQ+ allies can support the queer community in a variety of ways. And not everything needs to be public; privately showing support or comfort to gay loved ones is also an essential part of being a straight ally.

This might be new territory for you as well, which might make it harder to know how to be a good ally since you don’t want to make a mistake. So, here are some tips and advice for being an LGBTQ+ ally to different people in your life and what to do in general to be a good ally.

How to be an LGBTQ+ ally to your kids

As the Human Rights Campaign (HRC) has said, it’s normal to have positive and not-so-positive emotions when someone close to you comes out to you. It can be awkward and maybe even a bit hard to react or deal with if it’s your child coming out to you. But as hard as it might be to find out new information about someone so close to you, it’s even harder for your child to open up about something so personal to them.

When your child first comes out to you, ask respectful questions and reassure them that you’re there for them and support them. HRC has a list of great questions to ask, including asking them what it was like growing up, how they’re feeling in this process, what they need from you and whether they want to keep it between you two.

It's good to be honest about any awkwardness you might be feeling, but always reassure them—it’s important to validate to your child that you still love them and nothing about this changes how you see or feel about them.

It's all a process, but showing support in any way you can will help your child feel accepted and supported. Maybe even think of becoming one of those "Free Mom Hugs" moms at Pride too.

How to be an LGBTQ+ ally to your friends

A lot of those previous tips also work when a queer friend comes out to you. Learning about your friend’s identity and sexuality and asking them about their experience coming out is a great place to start, as CNN writes. Making gestures to show your support is also great; you know, actions can sometimes speak louder than words. This can include going to their first Pride parade or wearing clothing or buttons that show your support for them. Also, make sure you don’t turn around and make the moment about you, either.

Related: 50+ Best Rainbow Food & Drink Recipes for Pride

How to be an LGBTQ+ ally at work

The Muse writes that when it comes to being an LGBTQ+ ally (or any ally) at work, there are some key roles you can take up. But no matter what “name” or role you take on, a lot of them include uplifting marginalized voices in a way that doesn’t infantilize them or take away their agency.

This can be as simple as including queer coworkers in discussions or highlighting ideas they might have had. It can also mean making sure they are included in bigger meetings or get a chance at bigger roles; it’s important to have diverse voices making decisions and not just one type of employee or boss. And as always, educating yourself, respecting people’s pronouns, names and identities and making them feel welcome are all of the utmost importance.

Have an inclusive state of mind

As GLAAD has stressed, don’t assume anyone’s gender, pronouns or sexuality. Outside of people coming out to you, you should always have an inclusive mindset as a straight ally. This means no assumptions, but it can also mean gender-neutral language. And if you are in a major position of power and you want to be a good ally, make sure you’re including all kinds of voices and perspectives in whatever you do.

Speak out against discrimination

This is a big one when it comes to being an LGBTQ+ ally. Again, we don’t want you to develop a Straight Savior complex, but it’s important to use your privilege for good and to help queer people or causes that are struggling. In a smaller sense, this can look like standing up to family members who aren't being fair or accepting of your queer loved one. On a bigger scale, with the major attacks on transgender rights and medical access, straight allies can use their influential voices to normalize kindness and acceptance of the queer and transgender communities.

For instance—and this is a real deep cut in pop culture history—The Hunger Games star Josh Hutcherson co-founded the LGBTQ+ ally organization Straight But Not Narrow at the height of his Peeta Mellark fame. It was a major voice in the fight for same-sex marriage and raised money and awareness for gay causes. Not to mention, it highlighted the notion that even though Hutcherson or other allies are straight, it doesn’t mean they can’t fight for equality when it comes to queer rights.

Check your privilege and act

The University College London also came up with some great tips on how to be a good LGBTQ+ ally, and checking your privilege is one of the biggest ones. As we mentioned already, straight and cisgender allies don’t face the kind of discrimination that people in the LGBTQ+ community do. Remembering this will hopefully open your eyes to what they go through, making you a little kinder and more inclusive if you already aren't.

As a straight ally, when you enter conversations or spaces that are meant for queer voices and people, don’t take over and don’t put yourself above the others in the room. It’s also important to use that privilege and your voice as an ally to take action for gay causes. Whether that’s raising awareness or money or speaking out against homophobic laws or celebrities, it’s all important.

Next up, here are 50 LGBTQ+ quotes for Pride Month and coming out.