All the Good Halloween Candy, Ranked

Dust off the dumb Thanos gloves you've worn as your costume three years in a row. Untangle the 12-foot-skeleton's limbs. It's August, which means it's basically September, which means we're hours away from October, which means it's Halloween. And per tradition, Halloween entails arguing over the best Halloween candy. Yeah, Esquire'll wade into that fray.

My credentials? I've eaten candy before. The candy I've ranked? Culled from this impenetrably scientific study from Candystore.com on the most popular candies in each state. (Apparently, Wyoming prefers salt water taffy above all else, which I've chosen to ignore, because it's weird, and because you can't buy it in bulk at Walgreens three minutes before the store closes on October 30. One assumes.) Why you should care? So you can be the most popular house among neighborhood candy aficionados ages 7 to 12.

With that: Whether you're one of those millennials who fled to the 'burbs and is now facing down your first Halloween where tweens will ruthlessly judge you for your candy selection, or so far removed from childhood festivities that you're starting to see eye-to-eye with the witch whom Hansel and Gretel intruded upon, here is a completely subjective but totally trustworthy ranking of the top 20 Halloween candies in America.

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