Gisele Bündchen Says She Puts Her Oxygen Mask on First—Here’s How That Can Help You Be a Better Parent

The supermodel and mom of two discusses how she prioritizes herself.

Fact checked by Sarah Scott

As a mom of five, there’s not a lot of time for me. If I’m being honest, though, it’s my own doing, because I struggle to put myself first. Take yesterday as an example, when I didn’t find an opportunity to wash my face until 8 p.m.

I’d been too busy running kids to activities, cleaning up after them, helping little ones get snacks, changing their clothes, and then getting another snack and changing more clothes—as well as breaking up sibling squabbles, helping with homework, and more.

Even when I do sneak in some “me time,” and practice yoga or meditate, my sessions are typically interrupted multiple times. Like many parents, my kids will find me no matter where I go, even in the shower. And inevitably, when I try to escape to the nail salon or to grab a coffee, one of my kids ends up coming along.

Considering my own needs as a mom is definitely a pain point in my life, so when I read Gisele Bündchen’s recent interview in The Wall Street Journal, in which she talked about putting “the oxygen mask on” herself before her kids “every day,” I was definitely struck by it.

“I have my kids sometimes, sometimes I don’t have my kids. There’s a different ritual when I’m with them and when I’m not,” Bündchen says in the interview. “When my kids are with me, they have so many activities. It’s difficult to manage my schedule and their schedule.” But as she ultimately declares, “[T]he most important thing for me every day is to put the oxygen mask on me first.”

What does that look like for a woman who has been on the cover of Vogue dozens of times? Going to bed early, waking up early, and meditating, then sipping “lukewarm water with a little lemon and Celtic salt” before stretching and hitting the Pilates gym, or heading outside to surf or horseback ride. She also enjoys frequent walks to benefit her “mental health.”

So, no sobbing quietly to herself as she picks fruit snacks out of the rug while kids with mysterious chocolate on their hands scream out demands like, “I want to watch Vlad and Niki” and “I can’t find matching socks!”

OK, I’ll state the obvious here: Bündchen is a mega-celebrity and a millionaire, so it’s not as if she is super relatable on any level. The mom to Benjamin, 14, and Vivian, 11 (she shares custody with her ex, Tom Brady), has access to nannies, chefs, personal trainers, and other luxuries most of us do not.

Still, her statement about putting on her oxygen mask first got me thinking about other moms I know who are far better at prioritizing their needs than I am. For instance, one of my friends goes to the gym every morning and uses the in-house child care, rain or shine. Then there’s another mom in my circle who regularly schedules weekends away with friends to refresh and reset.

I’m often slightly jealous that these moms somehow manage to subdue their guilt long enough to do something for themselves. I’m usually too wrapped up in worrying that my children will feel neglected if I sneak away to work out or enjoy a night out. (Yes, I realize this sounds super unhealthy.)

But experts say I'm not alone, although putting your oxygen mask on first can be beneficial in parenting.

Why Putting Your Oxygen Mask on First Can Feel Tough as a Parent

Alyssa Mairanz, LMHC, CDBT, therapist and owner of Empower Your Mind Therapy, acknowledges that it’s easier for some parents to put themselves first, and says this tendency can stem from childhood.

“What type of dynamic did the parents have in the household? Did they put their needs first or their children's needs?” she explains. "We learn by example, especially from our family dynamic through adolescence, so those values and ideals stick with us through adulthood."

For the many moms who struggle with putting themselves first, it can take work to break that cycle. "To be able to prioritize self-maintenance, you have to retrain your brain," says Jenny Yip, Psy.D., ABPP, board-certified clinical psychologist and author of Hello Baby, Goodbye Intrusive Thoughts. "Even if you retrain your brain to prioritize yourself, it doesn't mean it's easy.”

Indeed, for many primary caregivers, taking care of ourselves just feels, well, weird. After caring for our kids from birth, “it can turn to routine and permanently shift priorities and mindset,” Mairanz says, adding, “To some, the idea of putting yourself first brings up ideas of being self-centered or dismissive of others' needs, which can be an opposing thought to the idea of what a mom or parent should be to their children.”

Why You May Want To Start

Although there’s no “right” way to parent, both Mairanz and Dr. Yip reminds parents that just as Bündchen intimates, you can’t pour from an empty cup. “If putting yourself first involves taking care of your physical and mental health, you are filling your tank to be a more present, healthier, and generally happier parent for your kids,” Mairanz says.

Dr. Yip adds, “If you want to have the mental, emotional, and physical bandwidth to be present with your children, then you must put your oxygen mask first and practice self-maintenance.”

For those of us who are, ahem, challenged in this area, Mairanz offers the following tips:

• Add date nights or other plans and self-care time to your schedule just like any other appointment.

• Make it a point to share parenting duties with a partner or caregiver. (Or ask for help from someone else close to you when you need it.)

• Don’t cancel; adjust. Schedule a telehealth appointment or run alongside your kids while they bike if taking time away isn’t possible.

• Set boundaries and say “no” to birthday parties or extra practices when necessary.

In the end, while I may not horseback ride over to my closest surfing lesson, or have any earthly clue what Celtic salt is, I think I can commit to RSVPing “no” to a party of a kid my son doesn’t even seem to know. And maybe I should pencil in a date night with my husband sometime in the next few months—no, weeks. I can also see if the bathroom door locks. Baby steps.

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