The Gentleman’s Guide to Taking and Sending Nudes

As many people are doing their civic duty and practicing social distancing to try to stop the spread of COVID-19, one side effect cannot be ignored: everyone is really horny, and seemingly getting hornier by the day. We’re isolated and alone, with days spent at home stretching out in front of us like a desert with no end in sight. Porn viewership is up, sex toy sales are through the roof, and cam sites are doing well, too. While I can’t guarantee that anyone wants to have sex more than before, it's certain that we're all getting it less. There's an insatiable need for connection—sexual connection, specifically. It is high time for nudes.

The act of sending someone nude photos is a salad of risk, vulnerability, and intimacy—some of the most important ingredients of horniness. While it once was somewhat taboo, it's standard, if still spicy, fare these days. One survey found that about one third of people under 45 have sent nude photos before, and I would be shocked if that number hasn’t gone up during our winter of distancing. Virtually everyone surveyed is at least on board with sexts, but how do you make the jump from flirty sexting to nudes? And how, if called upon, do you take a hot pic yourself? Let me—and some of my fellow nude enthusiasts—tell you the rules.

The lead up is the most important part

Whether we’re talking in-person or on-screen, seeing your body naked is still seeing your body naked. You should therefore never surprise a person with a nude pic unless you two have a longstanding relationship where you frequently show each other your naked bodies. Okay? Obviously, you should only be sending nudes to someone who asked for them, but you should also be building up to the ass selfie or sultry bedroom shot just like you would with real life nudity.

So, you want to start by exchanging verbal sexts before you get to visual stuff. And it’s typical to ask someone to show something of themselves before you offer up your own pics, but if you really want to send before receiving, it can be finessed. The key is to ask if they’re down to see something. You can straight up say, “I’m so turned on; can I send a pic?” Or you can be a little more subtle, like, “I wish I could show you how hard I am,” and let them take the next step and ask.

Just because someone has sent you a naked photo does not mean they’re expecting you to send one back. You should still give someone a heads up before you reciprocate. And of course, you never have to.

Butts never fail, but feel free to branch out

Butts are pretty much universal in their appeal, so don’t be afraid to show it off. As Kelly put it, “I like to see some ass and thighs. Men don't show their asses to us enough, to be honest.” Use a mirror if you feel like you can’t get the angle right, or lie on your stomach and take a photo over your shoulder.

But (not a pun), don’t be afraid to send pics of less traditionally sexy body parts. Nicole, 25 from Chicago said, “I’m into chest hair, so I used to sext with a guy who knew that and would send pics of his torso mostly, with just a hint of dick.” Multiple people I talked to extolled the virtues of the classic lifted shirt pic, “The best nude photo I've ever received was a guy pulling up his shirt with his teeth, revealing his abs and pecs...Sounds super cliché but he pulled it off,” said Marina, 23, from Drammen, Norway.

You don’t have to go full nude

We all understand the potential danger of nude photos, unfortunately. Of course, in an ideal world it’s not a big deal that someone—gasp—has a naked body, but clearly we don’t live in that world. So to adjust, keep your face out of the picture along with any identifying tattoos (if you can and you want to take that precaution). But also know that you don’t have to go full nude to be sexy.

In fact, underwear pics are often even hotter than sending a straight up photo of your junk. As Maxwell, 33, from Chicago said, “If a guy wears some kind of sexy underwear and poses in it, I am very, very into that. Dick pics have nothing on a good undergarment.” Don’t be afraid to artfully arrange the covers on your bed to hide certain parts you don’t want seen. The art of the nude selfie is all about showing off what you’ve got, not showing everything you’ve got.

Find your light

This is not a full on A24 film production, and I get that, but please know that lighting is the reason that some of us look “so good” in selfies and just like a Normal Lady the rest of the time. Steph, 26, from Los Angeles said, “My boyfriend puts filters on his nudes and always sets up the shot so it's just, like, a nice photo to look at and that really does it for me!”

Bright overhead lights are probably not your friend. Aim for either natural, afternoon-to-evening light , or dim bedside table light if you want to go for something a little more moody. Either way, you should be facing the light source when you take the picture. The light should never be behind you.

And as for camera position, Kelly, 35 from San Francisco put it perfectly. “Guys often take their dick pics top-down, from their own perspective, which is honestly probably the least attractive angle.” She’s correct! Your phone should be level to your chest or lower, and the further away you can have the phone from you, the better. It might sound try-hard but self timers are there for a reason, and what else are you doing with your evenings these days?

Don’t take yourself too seriously—it has the opposite effect

The tone of your pictures does not need to be rose petals on the bed or I-take-my-Tinder-pics-next-to-cars. (Also never do that.) In fact, being playful and flirtatious rather than serious or domineering is probably a more appealing approach. You don’t even have to be doing specifically sexy stuff.

If you’re struggling to capture the right vibe with a still, sometimes taking a video can seem less staged and artificial than a photo. As Ginger, 21, from Niagara Falls put it, “I once had a dude send me a video of himself shirtless in an apron pouring rum into a chicken dish he was making and that almost killed me.” Jodie, 27 from Sydney agreed, saying, “Cheeky videos are always my favorite. When they make their dick do the jumpy thing. Ugh. I die.”

You don’t need to shift your persona into Joe Manganiello mode to take a sexy picture. This should not feel like a chore or a great endeavor. You should be enjoying the process as you go. Sending someone a nude should turn you on, too. If you’re too serious or intense about your nudes, you risk coming across a 50 Shades of Gray cornball.

Whatever you do, promise me one thing: please—please—no nudes with socks on.

Dating

Love at first Zoom is possible.

Originally Appeared on GQ