Gayle King on the Power of Father Figures
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One of my favorite fatherhood stories is from Dr. Phil McGraw. He was riding in the car with his kids when one of his sons mouthed off to his mother. Phil pulled the car over to the side of the road and said, “Nobody talks to my wife that way.” I just love the message that sent—she’s your mother, but she’s also my wife and you have to respect her. I’ve never forgotten that story.
Fathers can help show you what is right—and what is wrong. But I also think it’s important for kids to really know who their parents are.
My dad died of a heart attack when I was in college. I grew up in a house where, if your father spoke, that was it—you didn’t challenge what he said, you didn’t cajole, you didn’t beg. When I went to college, it was the first time I disagreed with him. He said something and I go, “Well, I don’t agree with that.” I remember him being shocked. I thought he was pissed, but my mother told me later that he got a kick out of it. I felt like I was just beginning to get to know him when he passed.
When I had kids, I knew that I didn’t ever want them to fear or be intimidated by their father. I wanted them to feel like they could have real conversations with their father. And even though we got divorced when they were very young, it was important to me that they had a relationship with their father. So, I never wanted them to feel like they had to choose sides or like they were betraying me by spending time with him.
Having a child is an awesome responsibility and father figures have the opportunity to play a very important role. They can show you how you should treat others and how you should expect to be treated, too. Kids are sponges and they really watch everything you do, so setting an example is important.
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