Gayle King on Learning to Let Go
There’s a common saying that goes, Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. I think this is true. When you hold onto something, you have to remember that the other person is probably not giving you a single thought. They have gone on with their life and you’re sitting there thinking about them. How smart is that? Really, it is not about forgiveness for them, as much as it is about choosing to forgive for yourself.
That said, I do think there are some things that are not forgivable. I am in awe when I hear stories of individuals forgiving people who have done horrible things to someone they love. I am not sure if I could do that. But even if you can’t forgive someone, I think you must make peace with whatever the transgression was and move on.
Many years ago, I was heading to a conference where I was going to see someone who had deeply betrayed me—what she had done was unforgivable. I knew I wasn’t going to confront her because I didn’t want to give her that energy. Before the conference, I was telling Maya Angelou about it and she said, “You should walk up to her and say, I love your shoes.”
I did not follow Maya’s advice—I knew I couldn’t be that magnanimous! But when I walked into that conference, I made the decision to not have any interaction with her and instead, let it go and not let it affect me. I am here to tell you that it can be very empowering to stop holding grudges and move on.
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