I Gave Up Alcohol And Every Relationship In My Life Improved
Brett Phillips, a Texas-based interior designer, made the decision six months ago to give up alcohol cold turkey. He doesn’t consider himself an alcoholic, but didn’t like the lack of control he felt when drinking. And he's not alone: Plenty of like-minded individuals, know as sober curious, are choosing sobriety for health benefits, both physical and mental, rather then because of alcoholism or alcohol use disorder. Brett sat down with Delish to talk about being sober in a world that thrives on alcohol and the benefits and struggles of giving up drinking.
I really respect people when they say they don't do something everyone else does or something that feels like it's a part of the cultural norm. I think it’s the level of discipline. Alcohol, for me, was something that I'd never really felt like I had a problem with, but I was always the person that would have one beer, and it would always become like three or four. It was just one of those rituals for me that I found I wasn't living the fullest.
I found alcohol like a numbing thing or a ritual for celebrating or ritual for when I'm super stressed. I have three boys and I just want them to have a really healthy relationship with everything. I wasn't modeling that. It wasn't that I was drunk driving or a bad partner or being inappropriate, but I think [drinking] took away more than it was giving me.
It was after the Fourth of July. I felt like I had a little bit more to drink. We were at our house, and I thought. ‘I don't feel as in control as I want to, even though this is a safe place to drink.’ And I thought, ‘Okay, what does it look like to fully give this up?’
I want to be a non-drinker because I want to be a person that's in control or a person that is fully present. And so for me to be a fully present person, I couldn't drink because I needed to feel the emotion, whether it was joy or pain or something uncomfortable.
At first, you might feel are alone in it, maybe unaccepted, but you feel empowered because you're in control. You're able to say what you want. You don't have to not remember something. You spend way less money, or you're like ‘I'll get the dessert because my bill isn't $15 plus per drink.’
You have to find an alternative. You can't just take something away—you have to replace it. It was really important for me to find a replacement behavior or replacement beverage (Ed. note: Brett recommends Athletic Brewing Company). I really dove deep into fitness and health. I really started lifting weights. When I would drink [before], I wouldn't see or feel the same health benefits in my body.
My relationship with my wife got so much better. Alcohol for me, it was a numbing thing. Maybe that’s how I'm hardwired from my upbringing where it's like I don't really feel. [Not drinking] allowed us to have hard conversations really quickly and then pivot and find resolution, instead of being frustrated with each other or feel like the other person doesn't understand.
I think if you're sober curious, the benefits outweigh the [drawbacks]. I'm not necessarily trying to be the spokesperson for sobriety or sober curiousness but for me, it's been really powerful. I don't know if I'll ever drink again. I think the relational connectivity with my kids and my wife and other friends is just better.
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