The game-changing power of grace
Illustration of grace by Sharon Tate Soberon. (Image via Flickr | CC-SA-by DEED 2.0).
In a world that often prioritizes achievement and personal success, the simple act of showing grace is one that is often forgotten–and, unfortunately, to our own detriment.
Grace, a compassionate act of kindness offered freely without expectation of return, has a profound impact on both giver and receiver. As a mental health counselor for more than 40 years, I have witnessed first-hand how extending a little appreciation and forgiveness can dramatically shift the dynamics of relationships and foster a much-needed sense of connection and well-being.
Welcome, Kee
The good news is, grace is something each of us can give freely throughout our day. It costs absolutely nothing. It requires no special training. It is an unlimited resource. Quite simply, grace is a choice. It may look like reacting with patience instead of exasperation when your children are running late for school; graciously allowing someone to cut in front of you in an already long coffee line; holding a door open for an elderly couple; making the decision to forgive the car behind you for following too closely on your morning commute; or complimenting a stranger you pass crossing the street.
Grace is the courteous good will, compassion and forgiveness given to others. It is the consideration and respect that you choose to give to another person. It’s showing unconditional love and accepting it, too–and often exceeds what is expected or considered fair. Really, showing grace is a lot like giving someone the benefit of the doubt, taking a pause to stop and think before reacting.
The truth is, in any given situation–even those with our own family or longtime friends–there are often circumstances or nuances that we may not be aware of. That’s why assumptions are problematic. They come with built-in biases and, quite frankly, are more often than not dead wrong. For example, perhaps the person who jumped the line at Starbucks isn’t rude but instead has a newborn baby at home and is so sleep deprived that she needs that double espresso more urgently than you do. Maybe the person in the car tailgating you on the way to work isn’t inconsiderate but rather is late for an important appointment. It’s even possible that your daughter is moving slowly through your morning routine not out of insubordination but due to a restless sleep the night before.
Sometimes, we just don’t know what we don’t know.
That’s the beauty of grace. That conscious decision to take a pause and recognize that there are some variables you might not be aware of, empowers you to maintain your composure and self-control. And guess what? The grace that you extend as a result, is not only for the other person but for yourself as well. When you choose to take personal responsibility for how you show up in the world each day and strive to do so with kindness and love, you become more tolerant and empathetic. You also become more aware of the compassion of others and more inclined to accept and receive forgiveness more readily. Consistently extending grace also allows you to see the good in yourself and your own potential to be a source of generosity.
Even better? Learning to offer others–and yourself–grace is contagious. Choosing to see the best in others and acting accordingly prompts other people to do the same, which leads to increased happiness, more resilient relationships, stronger social bonds, improved mental health, and a kinder, more loving world. That’s what I call a win-win.
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