Gabrielle Union Wants Parents To Let Go of the Idea of Being ‘In Control, All-Knowing, at All Times’

It’s OK to be wrong. In fact, Gabrielle Union encourages it. She wants all parents to step out of their comfort zones and stop acting like they have this whole parenting thing figured out, and it’s hard advice to hear for perfectionists (and those of us who are too stubborn to fail).

In a new interview with PEOPLE, the Bring It On alum empathized with parents who are always in control. “I think a lot of times as parents, we never want to admit that we don’t know,” she said. “We haven’t had a clue sometimes and sometimes we need help or sometimes we have to search out the information. We want to appear to be in control, all-knowing, at all times.”

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Oof, that’s the truth! “We don’t also really want to be that transparent because we’re afraid of being judged and we want to be able to control how other people see us,” she continued. But unfortunately, this all-perfect perception actually hurts our family.

“All that does is create an illusion of who we are and it closes the door to real intimacy within the family, real information and a real understanding of who your parents are,” she continued.

Union is mom to daughter Kaavia, 5, with husband Dwyane Wade, and stepmom to Wade’s kids Zaire, 21, and Zaya, 16, with ex-wife Siovaughn Funches; Xavier, 10, with Aja Metoyer; and Wade’s nephew Dahveon Morris, 21, who he is the legal guardian of. She is working hard to be more open with her kids because she knows how it feels when a parent is closed off. She said her mom is just now telling her stuff she wishes she knew earlier in life.

“I don’t want to learn about you at 77, I could have had a whole different relationship with you had I gotten these stories and this information and your fears, your hopes, your dreams when I was growing up,” she told the outlet, adding that she wants Kaavia and Zaya to “know me, not the illusion of what I want them to think.”

Damn, when she puts it like that, it’s really convicting! Why are we spending all this time creating a fake relationship with our kids based on impossible standards and ideals, when we could just be honest about life’s challenges instead? Union makes a good point, and it’s hard to argue with her logic.

In a June 2023 interview with E! News, The Perfect Find actress got candid about her fears surrounding motherhood. “I was afraid of being a bad mom, of not living up to the great moms that I grew up with,” she told the outlet. “I didn’t want my lack of understanding or knowledge on every single thing to leave this gaping hole in her life.”

“As I got more confidence, I’m like, ‘Oh, we’re all winging it? We’re just doing the best we can,’” she added. “It gave me even more confidence to trust that, maybe, I’m solid at this and I’m raising happy, healthy, free Black girls.”

Before you go, see this slideshow of Gabrielle Union’s best mom moments!

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