Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade are Raising the Bar

In our exclusive story, the actor and NBA Hall of Famer open up about the importance of self-compassion, celebrating Blackness, and the parenting lessons they've learned.

The world is a complicated place, but inside Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade’s home, happiness, peace, and safety reign supreme. Those are the core values they hope will sustain their family as they navigate different environments. The actor-producer and NBA superstar know too well that the anti-Black sentiment that's pervasive across the globe doesn’t magically disappear with fame or wealth, so they're determined to ensure that no matter what their children encounter, they will always feel worthy of love.

Union and Wade have certainly made sure of that with their youngest daughter, Kaavia James, 4, who is used to leading a dance party before she heads to pre-K each morning. “We want her to feel joy walking out the door,” says Union, whose kid–approved playlist includes everything from The Little Mermaid soundtrack to 80s Brit band Katrina and the Waves. (“She has an old mom,” jokes Union.) The little girl’s confidence is evident on Instagram, where she’s known as #shadybaby to her 1.9 million followers.

It's almost as if the couple have fine-tuned their parenting style—having had a few prior cracks at it as a blended family. Wade has a daughter, Zaya, 16, and two sons, Zaire, 21, and Xavier, 9, from previous relationships, along with their nephew, Dahveon, 21. Yet, despite being a seasoned dad, he is quick to say, “I want to keep evolving.” Part of that means owning up to past mistakes with the older kids and continually striving to do better by all of them.

“It’s a learning curve,” says Wade, who can’t help but wonder what kind of child Kaavia will grow into as she finds her way in school. One thing’s for sure: Her parents will be cheering her on every step of the way.

What do you hope for Kaavia this school year?

Union: I hope she learns how to expand her friend circle and feel comfortable with new people and learning new things. And I hope she approaches it all with gusto.

What was school like for you both growing up?

Wade: I was very quiet. I didn't get into any trouble. I got to school on time, did my work, got to practice on time, did my work. My father came from the military and raised us in a certain kind of environment. I got things done. I wasn't the smartest student in the world, but because of my ability to manage my time, I was able to overcome that.

Union: I tied my worth and value to academic and athletic excellence. I’d feel very low when I struggled in school. The pressure to be the absolute best came from my family, and generations back when Black children had to be better, stronger, faster, more efficient, quieter, more docile than anyone else to be considered halfway good. When my parents showed off my report card on the refrigerator, I felt seen. The results were quantifiable. It was a weird mixture of joy with academic success and joy that I was performing Blackness in the way that white people are most comfortable with.

What's the most important thing you want to teach Kaavia?

Union: Compassion for herself. So often, we’re drilled to be compassionate to everybody else, but we leave ourselves out of that compassion umbrella and let ourselves get drenched and drowned in self-loathing and self-judgment. And when you breed compassion in your home, [kids] can't help but live it and expect it.

Wade: This is my first time raising a little girl from this age as Zaya came to us older. I don't know what Kaav's going to choose for herself. But if she does choose a man, I want her to look at that man she chooses and say you have to measure up to my daddy. So, the bar will be set high.

How do you encourage Kaavia to stand up for herself and set boundaries?

Wade: We give her the freedom to have a say in her space, her appearance, and the things she wants to do. The only way we’re going to know our child is by listening to her, watching her, and seeing what she’s interested in. For us, in the Black community, we have to make sure our kids understand how to stand on their own two feet and advocate for themselves. It’s on us to teach Kaavia her power early on and a lot of that comes from individuality.

How else do you celebrate Blackness?

Wade: I make sure she knows that her skin, eyes, nose, and lips are beautiful. Because if it doesn’t come from me, the man in her life, what can someone else tell her that she’s going to believe? I want her to believe what I know is true. We are pushing positivity inside our kids every day because outside of these doors, they're gonna get beat down and beat up. It’s our job to lift them. I pick up Kaav like Simba and walk around, saying, “Princess Kaavia,” and get everybody to clap. I want her to feel like she’s a princess.

Union: We center Blackness, as opposed to treating it as something that needs to be explained. We are wonderful because of who we are. We taught her this affirmation that’s from a hip hop song and it says, ‘oh my mama/ on my hood/ I look fly/ I look good.’ And that’s how we end the day.

What does that look like with Zaya?

Wade: When I was going through my custody battle, I had to take a lot of courses and do therapy with my kids. Along the way, I learned the power of empowering your children. Zaya has been living with us since she was three, and my daughter can walk down a runway in Paris for the first time with all the confidence in the world because we’ve been cheering for her since then. Even now, I’ll lay across her bed and listen to her talk about the community she’s part of for two to three hours.

You relocated from Florida in 2020, partly because you wanted Zaya, who is transgender, to grow up in a safe environment. Was it an easy decision?

Wade: There are a lot of reasons we decided California was best for our family and finding a community for Zaya was a big part of that. We felt that California was a place that would allow her to blossom and grow. She’s going to be a junior in high school now and she’s been able to be accepted and become her here.

Union: When you have the kind of rhetoric that is being espoused in Florida and adopted into law, that's not an option if my child isn't safe there. We have family and friends who don't have the privilege of moving. So we are going to be fighting till we are out of breath to protect all kids who are oppressed. That is our responsibility as people with large platforms and as people who folks trust, and they trust us because we say the hard thing.

"We are going to be fighting till we are out of breath to protect all kids who are oppressed. That is our responsibility as people with large platforms and as people who folks trust, and they trust us because we say the hard thing. "

Gabrielle Union

What do you bring to parenting from your childhoods?

Union: Being the person that stands up to the bully. It was terrifying, but I never had a problem doing it. That is what we have poured into our children. We don't stand for folks who choose to be disrespectful or bigots. And if you insist on it, we will insist on correcting you.

Wade: My father always showed up for me. He wasn’t front row at every basketball game, but he would peek in through the door. When you’re in uncomfortable situations, it means everything to have the people who love and support you there—no matter what they’re going through. My mother was on drugs most of my childhood. My father was an amazing man, but he was addicted to alcohol. Yet, they always put the kids first and got out of their way.

Dwyane, how else did your dad influence the person you are today?

I am a Black man who grew up in sports, but I see the world differently. I look at things that I do—paint my nails, cross my legs, shave my underarms—whatever doesn’t look manly, and my dad would do that stuff. He would shower three times a day and change his clothes. I learned that from a man I saw growing up in the hood. That’s why I do things that work for me and my personality.

How do you nurture that sibling bond among your four kids?

Wade: I try to show individual love to them all. When my kids can be together, you let it happen organically. They need to get to know each other and want to have a relationship. There's nothing that we can force because of their age difference. I think our kids do fine with it. Our family isn’t like everyone else.

What's the biggest lesson you've learned as parents?

Union: You don't have to stick to the old program. It’s okay to have screwed up. If you have multiple kids, every kid is going to get a different version of you. We're going to make mistakes, and we can acknowledge that and be accountable for that without losing their respect.

How do you take care of your mental health?

Wade: I get up at 5 a.m. to work out. I also meditate just to put my mind and heart where it needs to go. I do a lot of different things outside of seeing a therapist.

Union: I had to take off last week because I was having extreme anxiety out of the blue. I was almost terrified to take time off for myself because so many people are counting on me. I've never really taken mental health time to protect my peace and speak with trained professionals and sit in silence in nature to calm my body and mind.

How do you make space for your kids to talk about their emotions?

Wade: If Kaavia is having one of those moments when she goes straight to tears, we take a beat and have her explain why she’s feeling that way. When I was growing up you didn’t have time to explain, it was simply “no, get out of my face.” With the older kids, the best way to reach them is to use my personal experience. It’s helped with the trust and respect in our household.

How do you carve out family time?

Wade: For us to be able to do the things we do—work, travel, build companies—you need a village. And ours is strong. But when we are present, we make the most of it. I’ll say "ok, let’s drive to Malibu and get our nails done." I can’t do it every day; I’m not that dad. But when I’m here, I’m going to give you everything I have.

Gab, what do you admire most about your husband?

Union: His ability to be wildly unbothered and completely fulfilled within himself and not needing constant validation. He lives for his own joy, his own peace, his own creativity, and how he wants to express himself.

What do you admire about your wife, Dwyane?

Wade: Her strength. Sometimes I’m like, ‘babe, can you take a rest and sit down for a while?’ I know I have a lot of jobs, but she does so much. I admire someone who doesn’t sit around and have their hand out and wait for you. I admire someone who is going to go get it and they’re going to pull you with them. It makes me want to do more.

How do you carve out couple time?

Union: [Dwyane] is very romantic, always with the surprises. He’ll say, ‘let's go make out.’ There are spots all over LA where you drive up a canyon and park. He'll play R&B jams and we’ll just sit, look at the city, and make out. It's kind of awesome.

What's next for you two?

Union: In September, Proudly, our [baby care brand for babies with melanated skin], is expanding into haircare for babies. Bitsy, [the clean food and beverage line I co-founded], has moved into Costco, providing healthy snacks without all the sketchy stuff. We’re prioritizing the most vulnerable families who live in food deserts. Our products are affordable and accessible.

Wade: We’re always working on something. I have Hall of Fame coming up in August and I’m hosting a game show called The Cube on TBS. Never thought I’d be a game show host, but I didn’t put limitations on myself to get to where I am today. So, what’s coming up for us is to continue getting up every day and striving for the greatest that we can achieve.

Editor's Note: This interview with Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade took place prior to the SAG-AFTRA strike activity.

Related: Kaavia Inspired Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade's Newly Launched Baby Care Brand

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"It's the village.""

Gabrielle Union

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