Gabby Reece on Why Parents Need To Be 'Ruthless & Selfish' About Their Own Wellbeing

Rita Templeton
·4 min read
Gabby Reece on Why Parents Need To Be 'Ruthless & Selfish' About Their Own Wellbeing
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For Gabby Reece, self care is not a luxury, it’s a necessity — and she wants other parents to prioritize it too. The volleyball legend, model, podcaster, and New York Times bestselling author recently took the stage at the SHE Media Co-Lab Whole Life Health event at SXSW to explain why she’s a self-professed “pusher of taking care of yourself.”

“[T]he starting point for all of us, male or female, is the better we feel, the better and the easier it makes everything else. And I think especially for females, that’s a little bit harder to make that a priority,” Reece said. “And I understand why. I have three daughters.” (Izabella, Reece, and Brody, who she shares with husband Laird Hamilton.)

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Reece, like many moms, has fallen prey to the unrealistic expectation of being able to do everything all at once. “I think we can have everything, just not all at the same time. And it ebbs and flows,” she said. “I talk about this a lot when you have very little children. It ends up being a lot of time, and you want to be with them, and maybe your professional flame lowers just a little bit … and then as they become more independent, you can sort of pick that back up.”

When parents are trying to do it all, we can tend to put our own needs on the back burner in order to take care of everyone else’s. But how can we possibly do everything well if our own batteries are not at 100%? (Spoiler alert: we can’t.) Reece acknowledged that self care is often one of the first things we sacrifice in our quest to be everything to everyone — but that we have to actively fight against letting it go.

“[T]he starting point is is always self care — and to be ruthless and selfish about that — and to make that a priority,” said Reece. “Because I can show up better, whether it’s in work, whether it’s in being a partner to somebody, [or being] someone’s parents.”

As every mom knows, motherhood has a tendency to absorb you until it becomes your identity; it’s easy to lose track of the person you were pre-parenthood, and the passions you have that don’t involve your kids. It’s a struggle that Reece, too, admits to having. “The hardest part … is just keeping your life, reflecting who you are, and who you want to still be … and not succumbing to ‘I’ve been this’ … but to keep that learning, open mindset, and allow ourselves to be all the different things that we’re going to be in our lifetime.” She says her secret to remembering who she is outside of motherhood boils down, again, to her most basic philosophy: putting self care first.

“[A]gain, I go back to taking care of yourself. Because it gives you runway, I think, to dream. I think when you feel good and you’re not quite teetering on that edge of always reacting, always being tired, always needing something — you have a little bit of runway to plan and strategize and go, ‘Well, what do I want to do?'”

Reece realizes that prioritizing self care, especially as a parent, isn’t always the easiest thing in the world; it just takes accepting that you’re worth the same amount of effort you give to everyone else, and putting yourself first. “I want to remind people it doesn’t have to be hours and hours every day. It’s just a consistency, and having a real plan,” she said. Equally important is remembering that you, and only you, know what your own personal form of self care should look like, and nobody else can tell you what the best thing is. “Don’t ‘farm it out’ to anybody,” Reece said. “I can’t tell you how to feel good. I can suggest things … but I always encourage people to be your own best advocate, because you know how it feels for you.”

She acknowledges that consistent self care does take a bit of work; it’s more than just, say, going to get your nails done or lighting a scented candle. Those things are nice, but real self care takes more of an effort. Still, it’s a worthwhile endeavor — because as Reece points out, you can only show up in the best way for the people you love if you’re showing yourself some love, too. After all, as the old adage says, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

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