These Funny Christmas Jokes Will Keep the Family Laughing All Season Long
When we think about the holiday season, warm cookies in the oven, white snow covering rooftops, and spending time with our loved ones are likely images that come to mind. Though Christmastime has religious meaning, it's also about fellowship and gift-giving — basically, it's a time to spread cheer. And what better way to do so than to have a few Christmas jokes handy for the joyous occasion?
Nothing soothes the soul like a good laugh. Maybe Elf on the Shelf is how you do the bulk of your holiday joking, but there are more than enough funny one-liners, cheesy puns, and knock-knock jokes to take you through the end of the year. From dad jokes to funny, clean Christian jokes, having a line ready to brighten up any room during the Christmas season will ensure you a spot on the nice list this year. Kids aren't the only ones who like to get a good laugh in, so we're sharing family-friendly Christmas-themed jokes, as well as a few flirty Christmas pick-up lines and jokes for adults.
While a good joke won't replace amazing gifts for your husband or luxurious gifts for your wife, writing one in your Christmas card may make inexpensive gifts stand out a bit more. Luckily for you, we're playing Santa, and our gift is this list of 150 of the best Christmas jokes for kids and adults alike, so you can keep rockin' — and jokin' — around the Christmas tree all season long.
Best Christmas Jokes
Why do reindeer like Beyoncé so much? She sleighs.
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house!
Who's Santa Claus's favorite pop star? It's Beyon-sleigh.
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she saw this year's Christmas tree? You could spruce it up a little!
What is the Christmas carol that you can sing to fruits on the happy event? "Have Yourself A Berry Little Christmas."
Where does Santa always stay when he goes on any vacation? At the ho-ho-ho-tel.
What happens when you combine Santa with a duck? A Christmas Quacker.
How did the reindeer know it was going to rain? Because Rudolph the red-knows-rain, deer!
What does Santa do when the reindeer drive too fast? Hold on for deer life.
What does Santa say when he gets ill? Oh oh no.
Photo credit: Woman's Day/Getty Images Where would you find a snowman dancing? At a snowball!
Why do mummies like Christmas so much? Because of all the wrapping!
What's the Grinch's least favorite band? The Who!
What do golfers get in their stockings? Silly putty!
Why wouldn't Ebenezer Scrooge eat at the pasta restaurant? It cost a pretty penne!
How is Drake like an elf? He spends all his time wrapping!
Which one of Santa's reindeer has the best moves? Dancer!
How long are an elf's legs? Just long enough to reach the ground!
What's red, white, and green? Santa Claus when he's travel sick!
What did one cranberry say to another at Christmas? 'Tis the season to be jelly!
What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper!
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
What song do you sing at a snowman's birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow!
What's worse than a reindeer with a runny nose? A snowman with a fever!
Why doesn't Santa eat junk food? Because it's bad for your elf!
Funny Christmas Jokes
How did Scrooge win the football game? The ghost of Christmas passed.
What is Santa's dogs name? Santa Paws!
What’s every elf’s favorite type of music? Wrap!
Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey — he’s always stuffed.
Where do Santa's reindeer stop for coffee? Star-bucks!
Why do Christmas trees like the past so much? Because the present's beneath them.
Why don't reindeer like picnics? Because of all their ant-lures.
Why can't penguins fly? They're not tall enough to be pilots.
What's green, covered in tinsel, and goes ribbit, ribbit? A Mistle-toad.
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
How does Santa take photos? With a Pole-aroid camera, of course.
Why doesn't Santa go to the hospital? He has private elf care.
What would you give a dog as a present for Christmas? The best present would be a mobile bone.
Photo credit: Woman's Day/Getty Images What did the reindeer say before he went up to the comedy show to tell a joke? "This one's going to sleigh you."
Why did the Grinch decide to go to the haunted house the other day? Because he was searching for the holiday spirit.
What did the beaver say when it saw the Christmas tree? "Nice gnawing you."
Who is Santa's favorite singer? Elf-is Presley.
What did Santa ask Rudolph when he wanted to ask about the condition of the weather? He asked, "Do you think it will rain, dear?"
What type of cars do the elves of Santa Claus drive? Toy-otas.
What diagnosis did the doctor give to the patient who kept eating Christmas decorations? Tinsel-itis.
How does Santa Claus keep track of every fireplace he has already visited? Well, he keeps a log.
What did Rudolph have to say about a big book of noses that Santa gifted him? He said, "I already red that one."
Why does Snoop Dogg always love giving gifts to everyone? Probably because he's very good at wrapping.
What's Santa Claus's favorite snack? Ice Krispies Treats.
What do you call someone who can't stop talking about last Christmas? Santa-mental!
Corny Christmas Dad Jokes
What did one Christmas tree say to another? Lighten up!
What falls at the North Pole and never gets hurt? Snow!
Why are Christmas trees bad at sewing? Because they always drop their needles!
How does a snowman lose weight? He waits for the weather to get warmer!
What did one snowman say to the other snowman? Do you smell carrots?
What do you get when you combine a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple!
How do sheep wish each other happy holidays? "Merry Christmas to ewe."
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? The abdominal snowman.
How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming? He refers to his calen-deer.
Why is a foot a good Christmas present? Because it makes a good stocking filler.
Why do Donner and Blitzen get to take so many coffee breaks? Because they are Santa's star bucks!
What do snowmen call their offspring? Chill-dren.
What's the most popular Christmas wine? "I don't like Brussels sprouts!"
How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas? He was hooked on trees his whole life.
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia.
What's every parent's favorite Christmas Carol? Silent Night.
Why did Santa's helper see a therapist? Because he had low elf-esteem.
What do you call a bankrupt Santa? Saint Nickel-less.
Why does Santa always enter through the chimney? Because it soots him.
What is Santa's favorite place to deliver presents? Idaho-ho-ho.
How is Christmas exactly like your job? You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.
Did you hear that Santa knows karate? He has a black belt.
Who delivers Christmas presents to sharks? Santa Jaws.
What's Santa Claus's favorite type of potato chip? Crisp Pringles.
Why did Frosty's wife ask for a divorce? He was a total flake.
Christmas Jokes for Kids
Why is it so cold at Christmas? Because it's in Decembrrrrrr.
What does the gingerbread man put on his bed? Cookie sheets!
Where does a snowman keep his money? In a snow bank!
In what year does New Year's Day come before Christmas? EVERY year!
What does a snowman eat for breakfast? Frosted Flakes!
What do you get when Santa becomes a detective? Santa CLUES!
Why did the turkey join the band? Because he had the drum sticks!
What do you call a reindeer who wears earmuffs? Anything you want because he can't hear you!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
What kind of photos do elves take? Elfies!
Why did Rudolph have a bad grade on his report card? Because he went down in history!
What do snowmen like most about school? Snow and tell!
Photo credit: Woman's Day/Getty Images What is an elf's favorite candy? Orna-mints!
How does a sheep say Merry Christmas? "Fleece Navidad!"
What did Santa say at the start of the race? "Ready, set, ho ho ho!"
Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor? He was feeling crummy.
What does an elf study in school? The elfabet.
What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
Why did the little boy bring his Christmas tree to the hair salon? It needed a little trim.
What do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle bells!
What is Santa's favorite kind of candy? Jolly Ranchers.
What do elves do after school? Their gnome work.
What do you call a greedy elf? Elfish.
What do you call Santa when he doesn't move? Santa Pause.
What do snowmen eat for lunch? Iceberg-ers.
Christmas Knock-Knock Jokes
Knock, knock! Who's there? Alaska. Alaska who? Alaska again. What do you want for Christmas?
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Chris. Chris who? Christmas is here!
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Snow. Snow who? Snow time to waste. It’s almost Christmas!
Knock, knock! Who's there? Donut. Donut who? Donut open 'til Christmas!
Knock, knock! Who's there? Ima. Ima who? Ima dreaming of a white Christmas...
Knock, knock! Who's there? Dexter. Dexter who? Dexter halls with boughs of holly...
Knock, knock! Who's there? Freeze. Freeze who? Freeze a jolly good fellow. Freeze a jolly good fellow...
Knock, knock! Who's there? Pikachu. Pikachu who? Pikachu Christmas presents and you'll be in trouble.
Knock, knock! Who's there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and open your gift!
Knock, knock! Who's there? Norway. Norway who? Norway am I kissing anyone under the mistletoe!
Knock, knock! Who's there? Tank. Tank who? Tank you for my Christmas present!
Knock, knock! Who's there? Kanye. Kanye who? Kanye help me untangle my Christmas lights?
Knock, knock! Who's there? Elf. Elf who? Elf I knock again, will you let me in?
Knock, knock! Who's there? Irish. Irish who? Irish you a Merry Christmas!
Knock, knock! Who's there? Ho Ho. Ho Ho who? Your Santa impression needs a little work!
Knock, knock! Who's there? Murray. Murray who? Murray Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
Knock, knock! Who's there? Claus. Claus who? Claus I can't wait any longer!
Knock, knock! Who's there? Doughnut. Doughnut who? Doughnut open until Christmas!
Knock, knock! Who's there? Luke. Luke who? Luke at all those presents!
Knock, knock! Who's there? Wayne. Wayne who? Wayne in a manger...
Knock, knock! Who's there? Oakham. Oakham who? Oakham all yea faithful...
Knock, knock! Who's there? Interrupting Santa. Inter— Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!
Knock, knock! Who's there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you like to sing Christmas carols with me?
Knock, knock! Who's there? Honda. Honda who? Honda first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me...
Knock, knock! Who's there? Elf. Elf who? Elf me to wrap this present.
Short Christmas Jokes
What's a snowman's favorite food? Chili!
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic!
What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? Rude-olph!
What goes "oh oh oh"? Santa walking backwards.
Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can 'ho ho ho'!
Photo credit: Woman's Day/Getty Images What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson!
If an athlete gets athlete's foot, what does an elf get? Mistle toe!
Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars? Their days are numbered!
What does Santa use to bake cakes? Elf-raising flour!
What happens to naughty elves? They get the sack!
What do you call an old snowman? A puddle!
What does Santa eat for breakfast? Mistle toast!
What's red, white, and blue at Christmas time? A sad candy cane!
Why does this turkey taste like an old sofa? I thought you liked stuffing!
When is a boat just like snow? When it's adrift!
How do snowmen get around? They ride an icicle!
How do you scare a snowman? With a hairdryer!
Why is everyone so thirsty at the North Pole? No well, no well!
What is the most competitive season? Win-ter!
Christmas Pick-Up Lines for Adults
Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
Shouldn't you be on top of the tree, Angel?
If I was the Grinch, I wouldn't steal Christmas. I'd steal you.
You are the reason Santa even has a naughty list.
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