25 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (Feb. 23-March 8)
Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between.
And somehow, the spouses of Twitter continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life and sum it up perfectly in no more than 280 characters.
Every other Monday, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the previous two weeks. Read on for 25 new relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
DATING: what’s mine is yours
MARRIAGE: please don’t watch your stuff under my netflix profile— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 6, 2021
I was talking about the NBA and my very gay husband asked me “when is the season finale for basketball?”
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) February 27, 2021
I didn’t realize having a wife and daughters would involve owning this many blankets.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 2, 2021
It's concerning that my wife uses air quotes when she mentions our “marriage”
— An English Human (@English_Channel) March 5, 2021
Sometimes I like to torture my husband by saying “You know what? Never mind.”
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) March 4, 2021
my husband and I love to play “who can pile the most into the trash can without taking it out” and I can assure there are no winners here, just cursing, garbage covered losers
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) March 4, 2021
Those extended warranty people are relentless so I tell them my wife is the decision maker and give them her number.
— Forward March (@RunOldMan) February 27, 2021
Me to my 8-year-old: Looks like your dad was right and I was wrong.
My husband from 3 rooms away: LOUDER!!!— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) February 26, 2021
Are you happily married or did your spouse hit the snooze button 12 times this morning?
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 25, 2021
Get married so your wife can correct your pronounc.. pronun.... prunoon... the way you say things
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) March 2, 2021
Me: Your haircut looks nice.
Wife: I didn't get a haircut. My appointment was canceled.
Me: Your hair always looks nice.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 25, 2021
[going back to school as an adult]
Sorry I'm late with my presentation, I had to teach my husband how to use a blender.— smerobin (@smerobin) February 24, 2021
Getting cabin fever after a long winter is pretty normal for me. But y’all, this pandemic winter cabin fever hits different. My husband said he was going to the DMV this morning and well, I said, “I’ll go too.”
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) March 2, 2021
If you've ever wished there was someone to point out to you all the better places where you could have parked the car in a mall parking lot, get married.
— karanbir singh (@karanbirtinna) March 1, 2021
My wife calls the bottom fridge drawer the Vegetable Hospice ... where all the veggies I buy go to die 🤦♀️
— TitsforTat 🏳️🌈 (@magicalchaos14) February 23, 2021
We put new shelves in the garage and have talked for 3 days about what a game changer they are. This is peak marriage.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 27, 2021
Ok quick question...
When your spouse is referring to a chore around the house and they say, “we need to do this”...
They mean just you...right?— Your Favorite Gay Mom🌈 (@lezzimomof2) March 6, 2021
[winter, with the heat on]
Wife: OMG it’s freezing in here.
[summer, with the air conditioning on]
Wife: OMG it’s freezing in here.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 24, 2021
While I was taking a bath earlier my wife brought me a jar to open for her. It made me feel like a powerful mermaid 🧜🏽♀️
— lucy bexley 🛼🪐🦔 (@bexley_lucy) February 27, 2021
My husband can spot a pretty car that’s 100 yards away
yet he can’t see a coaster that’s sitting 3 inches from his glass.— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) March 2, 2021
The main reason my husband and I want kids is so we can have a front row seat to what happens when a teenager is subject to two sets of dad jokes under one roof.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) February 23, 2021
My husband’s superpower is resting his eyes for 5 minutes for 3 hours.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 2, 2021
My husband managed to remove and abandon every single pair of shoes and boots he owns somewhere in the path from the bedroom to the toilet.
— Betty (@EzMacArt) March 6, 2021
In the rare moments my husband schools me in an argument I like to remind him of the time I found his dirty dishes in a drawer that he hid and forgot about.
— The Spicy Disaster Mama (@spicydisasterma) March 5, 2021
My wife likes to unload the dishwasher and put them all onto the kitchen counter ... go do something else and then forget about them all stacked up jenga style 🤦♀️
God help me!!— TitsforTat 🏳️🌈 (@magicalchaos14) February 23, 2021
Related...
The Funniest Tweets About Working From Home With Your Significant Other
The Funniest Tweets About Reasons Couples Have Gotten Mad At Each Other
The Funniest Tweets About Trying To Share A Bed With Your Partner
This article originally appeared on HuffPost and has been updated.
