Former police officer helps first responders struggling with mental health
DENVER (KDVR) — First responders are among the top three high-risk occupations for depression and mental health struggles, according to the National Institute for Health.
Jeff Marr, a former Colorado police officer, knows what this is like firsthand, as his struggles with mental health put him in the hospital in November of 2023.
Marr started his career at 21, and a few years later found alcohol as a way to cope with what he saw on a regular basis. He said one call in particular has stuck in his mind.
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“I had a call that I had an 18-month-old baby that had to do mouth-to-mouth CPR because we couldn’t get the mask to seal,” Marr said. “He had a heartbeat when he left for the hospital, but he didn’t end up making it. And there was just a lot of circumstances with that call that were kind of messed up, and it just really blew up my brain.”
He said, as a first responder, it’s not a matter of if but when something happens and it affects you in a way that you can’t describe, but it sticks with you.
“After seven years as a police officer — and everything from there spiraled for me. Personal life, work life, alcohol was really bad. My depression got really bad. I was suicidal. I was planning my suicide on duty,” Marr said.
When he lost his career, he said, in a way, it was a mixed blessing.
Jeff Marr first became a Colorado police officer when he was 21 (Credit: Jeff Marr). Marr witness his first call that changed his life a few years into the job (Credit: Jeff Marr). Marr served on the force for seven years before his struggles with mental health resulted in him losing his career (Credit: Jeff Marr). Jeff Marr recovering from a detox where his heart stopped beating (Credit: Jeff Marr).
“I don’t think I’d be alive still had I not,” he said.
From there, he said his drinking got out of control.
“Last November, I went on a 14-day drinking binge. [It] was not good,” he said. “I was in a hotel by myself and I would wake up to drink and pass back out,” Marr said.
After that, his friend came to pick him up and he went to the hospital to detox. He had done this many times before, but this time, it was different.
“I just could not quit shaking,” Marr remembered. “So, I went back to the hospital and they admitted me. And on the second night I was there, my heart stopped beating.”
He recalled waking up and seeing doctors and nurses all around him in the room with a crash cart. At that moment, something clicked.
“I was just looking at my feet and for some reason something hit me, and I was like, ‘I was made for so much more than this,'” Marr said. “I’d rather go out in a blaze of glory and not in a hospital bed by myself shaking uncontrollably because of some poison.”
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He stopped drinking and began documenting his journey on social media. He had earned his mental health coach certification four years ago, but now, he was ready to put it to use. Marr said he will help anyone, but has a focus on first responders, who might not always feel inclined to reach out.
“There could be a certain call that could really affect one cop, but they’re embarrassed by it or don’t want to tell another cop because they don’t want to seem weak.”
Marr said taking that first step is the best thing you can do.
“I think it’s one of the most important things you can do and it’s probably one of the most courageous things,” he said.
Through his social media and his website, he has reached a number of people already, and he hopes that number grows as more people continue to seek the help they need.
“I’ll just get messages from random people just randomly that say, ‘You have no idea how much I needed that.’ And again, it’s just one of the things of letting people know they’re not alone.”
Today, Marr is 163 days sober and counting. He said while he still struggles some days with his mental health, he has learned to cope and he hopes others can do the same.
“It’s just a matter of really valuing yourself enough and really understand that your life is worth that,” he said.
Marr said he encourages anyone to get help if they are struggling with their mental health whether that’s through him or another avenue. Anyone interested in reaching out to Marr can send him a message through one of his social media pages, or his website.
“I think that’s my overriding message to people is if you think there’s a problem, there is. Your body knows. It’s telling you something. So, let’s figure it out.”
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