(Photo: Chris Craymer)
So, we now know casual sex can actually make you feel good if you view it positively. If hearing that news is like your birthday and Christmas rolled into one, read on for tips from Dr. Jane Greer, New York-based marriage and sex therapist and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship about how to have safe, responsible, fun casual sex.
1. Be sex savvy. If you know you’re open to having casual sex, you should always be prepared. “You need to protect yourself physically from an STI or unwanted pregnancy,” Dr. Greer advises. Research your options online, or make an appointment with your gynecologist to make sure you’re got all your bases covered.
2. Understand that it’s not serious. The key word here is “casual”! “That way you won’t feel rejected by him when in fact it was all about the sexual fun,” says Dr. Greer. And if you think feelings are sneaking up on you with a casual FWB, be honest. Don’t try to stifle them and continue having casual sex with him. That’s just a recipe for disaster.
3. Be clear in your expectations. “Be open from the start to ensure that both of you are okay with being together sexually without any emotional connection,” Dr. Greer recommends. Do you feel like you can’t be honest about what you want? That’s a sign you may want to rethink doing it.
4. Don’t get too personal. “Keep it light,” Dr. Greer suggests. “Stick to talking about things you both like to do, mutual tastes, etc. This kind of conversation eliminates the risk of becoming intimately connected by sharing personal material.” So basically, save any conversation about family issues or your exes for deeper relationships.
5. Keep your hands off the keyboard! In our tech-obsessed age, it’s easy to keep up a constant conversation with the object of your casual affection. Do your best to resist this urge. “Don’t create the habit of texting or emailing a lot because, without realizing it, this communication can create an emotional bond. Make the only contact be about making plans to be together, but not an ongoing conversation,” Dr. Greer explains. “If you’re going to text, keep the texts limited to sexual material to rev up their desire to be together,” she says. Take that as your permission to sext, and go for it!
By Zahra Barnes
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