Five Key Takeaways from the Most Important Book on the Teen Mental Health Crisis
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In an era defined by the rise of the smartphone, the newest generations—Gen Z and Gen Alpha—are grappling with unprecedented levels of anxiety and depression. Jonathan Haidt, PhD, a social psychologist and coauthor of The Coddling of the American Mind, chalks up this change to the “great rewiring of childhood,” i.e., the shift from a childhood based on play to one that is dictated, even dominated, by the internet. But because smartphones and social media are pervasive, it’s hard to know where to even start fixing the problem.
That’s why we’ve gathered these key points from Haidt’s newest book, The Anxious Generation. Whether it’s building more free play into your kids’ days or understanding how screen time really affects their brains, this knowledge is power.
1. The toll on boys
With endless high-stimulation technologies available to us today, young men are essentially able to do anything they want without having to take the social or physical risks that were once needed to satisfy those desires. Take pornography and video games: Haidt writes that boys can choose to watch explicit videos instead of engaging in dating culture or a fulfilling romantic and sexual relationship because they get the same dopamine hit without the potential for rejection. Haidt explains that these porn users grow into men who are less able to find sex, love, or intimacy in the real world. (Though it’s not that girls or non-binary kids aren’t also at risk for porn addiction—just that surveys have consistently found higher rates in boys, regardless of sexuality.)
Video games pose a similar psychological and emotional threat. They’re thrilling, sometimes community-based, and can even be educational—but by and large, they’re also a time suck that doesn’t teach boys how to accurately judge and manage risks in the real world. Sadly, they’re also often used as a distraction from feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and depression, which becomes a vicious cycle in which a young boy relies on the comfort of a virtual world instead of forming long-term relationships with others.
2. The toll on girls
Haidt recommends that if you do allow social media, it shouldn’t be until your kid is 16. He explains that while all teens are vulnerable to insecurity when online, the stakes are exponentially higher for girls. A girl’s social status is often, if not always, related to her beauty and sex appeal—so she suffers from the extreme pressure of living up to the high (often unrealistic) standards, beauty or otherwise, set by people around her or by society at large.
Girls are also generally more vulnerable to online predators and harassment via social media and the internet, and they are forced to spend their virtual lives in defense mode. All of these contribute to the reasons anxiety levels for girls skyrocketed in the 2010s and continue to be at an all-time high.
3. The need for free play
The recommended amount of recreational screen time for adolescents is no more than two hours a day. Currently, the average 8- to 12-year-old spends between four and six hours per day across multiple screens. Haidt writes that when the smartphone emerged, play-based childhoods were swiftly replaced by phone-based childhoods, and adolescents moved their social lives—and their free time—onto their devices. But parents need to nurture more free play, in which children can have fun however they want, free of the influence of adults—and phones.
Free play cultivates a slew of crucial interpersonal skills: learning empathy and emotional regulation, practicing self-direction, collaborating and communicating with others, and even being innovative and creative. It also teaches kids independence (and, yes, reduces overprotective instincts on the parents’ end). Practice sending your kids together on a small grocery trip by themselves, where they don’t have a way of contacting you. Send them to a phone-free (and preferably nature-based) sleepaway camp with other kids. It’s best if adolescents get experience by doing things together!
4. The importance of real-world responsibilities
Thirteen- to 18-year-olds are actively transitioning to adulthood, and the shift from middle school to high school should come with an increase of both freedoms and responsibilities. It’s also the period in which rates of depression and anxiety start to rise more steeply. Haidt maintains that helping young people feel useful and connected to real-world communities is pivotal to their social and emotional development.
Encourage your teen’s mobility, have them master public transportation, and encourage them to get a driver’s license when they can. Support their hanging out at a “third space” like the mall or a park, where they can be with their friends away from adult supervision. Urge them to find a job, especially one that fosters mentorship, like babysitting or being a camp counselor. The whole point is to allow your teen to grow more self-assured and capable by encouraging their engagement outside the virtual world.
And whenever they do get access to smartphones—which again, according to Haidt, should be no younger than 16—you should still be monitoring them. Don’t let your children develop unhealthy habits, like checking their screens right before bed. And of course, make sure to ask your teen what they think: Do they feel like being online helps them grow and achieve their goals, or does it hinder them more than anything else?
5. Ideas for change
It’s good to note how much of these issues are actually systemic; it takes some of the onus off parents. And governments and tech companies have played no small role in the decline of a play-based childhood. But governments can change laws—and companies can change their strategies—to encourage healthier behavior and design choice, both of which would reduce the harm of social media. A few potential solutions: They can assert a duty of care, raise the internet adulthood age to 16 instead of 13, design and zone more public spaces with children in mind, and even add more vocational education and youth development programs. We, as parents, just need to get loud enough.
Smartphones, social media, and various market and social influences are designed to pull us into a trap of helplessness. Acting alone, it feels too difficult or costly to do the right thing. But if we act together—linking together with other parents, arguing for smartphone-free school policies, and continually advocating for your child’s autonomy and personal growth—then we can only change the culture for the better.
The Anxious Generation, by Jonathan Haidt
bookshop.org
$27.90
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