Who Would Be the 'Final Girl' In Your Favorite TV Show?
Every good horror movie conjures up the question: what the hell would I do if I were in this position? Some of us would be the first to be offed. Others would suffer that gruesome prolonged death that makes you consider turning off the movie entirely. But there are a few, proud souls who live until the end. This is the Final Girl.
The Final Girl is a hallmark trope of the horror genre. The term, coined in 1992 by Carol J. Clover, is a feminist honorific that emerged in response to the genre's tendency to regard women as bodies to be bludgeoned or damsels to be delivered from the madness. But the Final Girl title gives her agency. It's an ode to the women who live to tell the tale of whatever maniac occupied their film, killing innocents along the way—these are the rockstars of horror who survive the film and narrate the story. As groups of people are wont to do (or maybe it's just my morbid circle of friends), we often discuss who among us would be the lone person to survive a tragedy. You name it, we've discussed it: the apocalypse, a plane crash, a deserted island, a serial killer.
When push comes to shove (and you know in a horror movie fight scene, there's a lot of pushing and shoving), one character always reigns supreme, be it Laurie Strode, Ellen Ripley, or that one person in your friend group who is always wielding a pocket knife like it's 1977. So we decided to look at popular TV shows and figure out—when the slasher hits the fan, who is the Final Girl?
Mad Men
The Final Girl: Joan Holloway
Why? Resources. Mad Men would not have had a functioning office if it weren't for the likes of Joan Holloway because that woman had resources. Contacts. Binders full of men who could help her get exactly what she wanted. Peggy is going to die a hero's death. Betty is going to get annihilated in the first half-hour of the movie. Joan? Joan's got too much to lose to be that stupid.
Parks and Recreation
The Final Girl: Andy Dwyer
Why? You see, this is complicated. The obvious answer to this question is either Donna Meagle (because you know she's not going down without a fight) or April Ludgate. But in this sitcom-turned-slasher, it's actually ignorance that reigns supreme. After being taken out by a mysterious figure, Donna admits in her final moments that the person at the helm of the killings is the only person more ruthless than she is. Andy and April are the last remaining survivors, but the twist is that April has been the killer the entire time. As she attempts to kill Andy, he turns around and says, "Look, I found a samurai sword!" and accidentally kills April with it.
The Sopranos
The Final Girl: Meadow Soprano
Why? She was parallel parking the car the entire film. Every one of her family members was killed in the interim, but fortunately, she did manage to back over the killer in the final moments. She thought he was a large New York rat. She didn't check to confirm before the film cuts to black.
The Leftovers
The Final Girl: Evangeline "Evie" Murphy
Why? I mean, Evie would not die on this show. Disappeared in a lake that was sucked dry? Completely fine. Smoking copious cigarettes as part of the Guilty Remnant? Fine again. You'd think the money would be on Nora Durst, but years after Nora dies from natural causes, Evie is just going to be bopping around like nothing ever happened. They said Evie died when she got hit by that big meteor, but I have my doubts. Why is there any reason not believe she couldn't outlast a serial killer if she could outlast Ann Dowd?
The Voice
The Final Girl: Kelly Clarkson
Why? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
LOST
The Final Girl: Sun Kwon
Why? Sun is a fierce warrior of a woman with equal parts physical prowess as she has mental strength. Sun is the perfect character for the trope's classic markings—an unsuspecting woman who finds her power and eventually becomes the leading character of the narrative. That's quite literally Sun's trajectory on Lost. After the loss of Jin in the horror movie version of the series, Sun fully steps into her own. The killing stops here, and no—we don't have to go back.
The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
The Final Girl: Vivian Banks, but only the first one.
Why? What people often forget about Final Girls is that the narrative doesn't have to be focused solely on them the entire film. If anyone gets that, it's Janet Hubert, who played the original Vivian Banks on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Written off after two seasons, she might not seem like the obvious choice (but who do you choose? that psychopath Ashley? CARLTON??), but Aunt Viv is a survivor. It's a tried and true theory that the only way you can ensure death in a horror movie is by seeing it happen on screen, and Janet Hubert's exit happened out of our eye line. We know you're out there, original Aunt Viv.
Seinfeld
The Final Girl: Soup Nazi
Why? When J. Peterman finally loses his cool and takes Elaine out (RIP to a legend), he goes on a tear and gets to Jerry next. Soup Nazi? Stays the course. He knows he has a safe place behind the counter serving soup. When J. Peterman finally takes out Jerry, George, Elaine, and Cosmo, he realizes that his job is done. He didn't need to kill everyone—just those four. He goes to get soup and Soup Nazi takes him out with ladel-force-trauma.
The Crown
The Final Girl: Princess Margaret, as played by Helena Bonham Carter
Why? A common through line in horror is the partier who realizes, "Oh, damn. We're in a tight spot right now." If there's one of those in the royal family, it's Princess Margaret. She loves a bit of dancing and a lot of drink, but when the time comes to get serious, she knows how to handle herself. She also knows that Prince Andrew is about as useful as a pie with a soggy bottom. She is acutely aware of who needs to be sacrificed to keep the team moving.
Friday Night Lights
The Final Girl: Tami Taylor
Why? Connie Britton has guns in her hair. I believe that with my whole heart. Throughout the entire series, Tami is the most reliable, resourceful, and commanding character in Dillon, Texas. While you might argue that Landry is the move, considering that he killed a man in season two with absolutely no repercussions, Tami is not a quitter. She's going to keep battling to the end.
The Great British Bake Off
The Final Girl: Nadiya Hussain
Why? You want to root for a Final Girl, even if she's a little messy getting there. Nadiya didn't always believe in herself, but she made the right moves when it counted. In a psychological twist, sometimes to take out a killer (especially if he's a silver fox-type), you have to curry favor with him. Then hit him with your best move right at the end.
The Office
The Final Girl: Phyllis Vance
Why? While the killer ravaged Dunder Mifflin, Phyllis was crying in the bathroom. Not because of the killings, but just because it had been an especially hard day. When the killer finished off with Michael Scott, he realized he was in Scranton and decided to off himself. With no one having realized Phyllis wasn't there, she reemerged, took Michael's coffee mug along with an office plant, put it in a box, and left.
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