How to fight loneliness while living alone
While many are isolating with family and friends during the coronavirus outbreak, those who live alone are facing a unique set of challenges fighting feelings of loneliness, anxiety and depression by themselves. But does “being alone” have to equal “feeling lonely?” Dr. Jen Hartstein, Yahoo Life Mental Health Contributor and practicing psychologist in New York City, says it doesn’t. “‘Alone’ does not mean we are ‘lonely.’ That’s something we really all have to remember,” says Hartstein. “Some of us might feel lonely even when we’re home with our families because we just don’t relate to them the way we might want.” Hartstein says there are questions we can ask ourselves if we’re concerned we might be experiencing feelings of loneliness. “Notice internally—how am I feeling? Am I feeling disconnected? Am I feeling like I want to connect more but don’t know how? Am I kind of getting judgmental of myself and feeling ‘needy?’” she says. Hartstein adds that “all of these things kind of are little indicators that maybe I’m moving into a ‘loneliness’ category.” If you’re experiencing these feelings, she says there are ways to combat them. “Step number one is to connect. Community is the best protective factor we have—connect with someone else. Find a safe person to connect with who might not give you a hard time that you haven’t connected, but reach out to them,” she says. “The second thing is to get yourself active. It’s very easy to become inactive, shut down and do nothing. So get yourself active. Clean your apartment, get outside for a walk, do some jumping jacks—anything. Just get moving a little bit to shift the endorphins,” adds Hartstein. Finally, Hartstein recommends creating a routine for yourself. “The structure will help you create that space that you need to be engaged and take care of yourself simultaneously,” she says.
Video Transcript
JEN HARSTEIN: Although many of us are self-isolating at home with friends, families, loved ones, there are several of us that are living by ourselves, which may present a whole different kind of challenge. So today we're going to talk a little bit about that. Isolating by yourself presents some different challenges than isolating with others. And we have to think about that, because alone and loneliness are not synonyms, but loneliness can be a big trigger for more depression, more anxiety and lead to increased isolation, which perpetuates the depressive symptoms and the anxiety. So we have to be aware of those things. Alone does not mean we are lonely. That's something we really all have to remember. In fact, some of us might feel lonely even when we're home with our families because we just don't relate to them the way we might want. But if I'm alone, I have to be working maybe extra hard to connect with people virtually, or try and do some social distancing in person. But however I can do it, we want to make sure that we don't tip into this space of loneliness.
If you want to pay attention to that for yourselves, notice internally how am I feeling? And my feeling disconnected? Am I feeling like I want to connect more, but don't know how? Am I kind of getting judgmental of myself and feeling needy, or like I'm taking up too much of people's time? And then what am I doing? Am I withdrawing? Am I isolating? Do I notice that maybe I'm more teary or more worried? All of these things kind of are little indicators that maybe I'm moving into a loneliness category. And the key to combat that is to create community. If you find that you're falling into the loneliness trap, step number one is to connect. Community is the best protective factor we have. Connect with someone else. Find a safe person to connect with who might not give you a hard time that you haven't connected, but reach out to them.
The second thing is, is to get yourself active. It's very easy to become inactive, shut down, do nothing. So get yourself active. Clean your apartment. Get outside for a walk. Do some jumping jacks. Anything, just get moving a little bit to shift the endorphins. And then create a routine for yourself so that you can keep the connection and the movement and the other things you need to do in your life going. The structure will help you create that space that you need to be engaged and take care of yourself simultaneously.
Some of the things that we might want to avoid doing when we're by ourselves and maybe feeling lonely is getting very judgmental about ourselves. It is very easy to get stuck on all the things you should be doing. Who said that those are the things you should be doing? Maybe you just need to be doing something. And so figure out what that is that works for you. No one else gets to have a say. Only you do. And be mindful about your coping strategies. It's easy to tip into some negative space and maybe engage in too much alcohol use, or overeating, or you know not sleeping with a good sleep cycle. All of those things are risk factors for more emotional outburst. Don't be afraid to ask anybody for some support. If you're feeling disconnected, if you're feeling lonely, reach out. Ask a friend. Ask a family member. If you're feeling stuck, other people's opinions could be super helpful. But be careful not to go to someone who's going to be judgmental of you because that's actually going to shut you down more. So go to a supportive, honest, helpful person, and see what they have to say. They might have some great ideas you hadn't thought of.
