Fans Have No Right to Tell This Rising Star How to Grieve the Loss of Her Mother

From Oprah Magazine

• Last March, "Hot Girl Summer" rapper Megan Thee Stallion suddenly lost her mother, Holly Thomas, who was also her manager.

• Recently on Twitter, Kansas City Chiefs player Larry Johnson tweeted that Megan's mother's death might be a "conspiracy" to help her gain fame.

• Here, writer Michael Arceneaux reflects on the struggles of grieving publicly—and why artists like Megan need our support, not our suspicion.

At a pivotal moment in her ever-blossoming career, Megan Thee Stallion lost the most important person in her life.

Taking to Instagram to make the announcement back in March, Megan wrote, “The best mom in the whole world. The strongest woman on the planet,” in a caption for an old photo of her and her mother. “I can't even put complete sentences together rn RIP mama.”

For those that have been following “The H-Town Hottie” and brainchild behind the “Hot Girl Summer” phrase, we knew that Holly Thomas was not only Megan's mother, but her manager—and her greatest champion and inspiration. Megan has often said that it was watching her mother—who was a rapper herself, going by the name "Holly-Wood"—in the studio that inspired her to pursue music.

And although Holly always stressed how important it is for Megan to pursue her education (despite her growing fame, she still remains a student at Texas Southern University), when it became clear that Megan’s rap star was on the rise, her mom made her sure she was around to help steer her daughter through the music industry.

“She quit her job, like her regular job, and now she’s my full-time manager,” Megan said in a 2018 interview.

Needless to say, one can only imagine the pain of not just losing a parent, but also the person helped you find your dream—worked tirelessly to make it happen. Yet, in spite of that loss—plus the passing of her great-grandmother around the same time—Megan has persevered, dropping another mixtape, Fever, and releasing a single with Nicki Minaj and Ty Dolla $ign. Most recently, she announced that she found new management in Jay Z’s Roc Nation company.

After announcing that management decision, Megan took to Twitter to speak on what’s happened since her mother's death—and how that loss pushes her to succeed. “After my mom passed I promised myself I was going to keep going hard bc not only is music my dream but it was her dream for me too,” she tweeted. “I have days where I want to go hide and cry bc she’s not here but i kno that ain’t what she would want me to do! I kno she’s proud of me !”

An honest, heartfelt message. Unfortunately, the next day Kansas City Chiefs running back Larry Johnson decided to insert conspiracy into Megan and her family’s tragedy.

Directly quoting her tweet, Johnson wrote: “A coincidence : Her mother, who was her manager died in the month of March 2019, the same month of her ‘break out.’ Music industry filled with the easily corrupt fatherless children looking for Satan to be the ‘daddy’ they never had."

I’m not sure what’s more offensive: the ignorance of his claims, or the indecency of him to directly send them to her, a grieving daughter.

Megan did respond, making clear that a brain tumor, which is what her mother ultimately died from, is not related to the devil—but personally, I feel like it's a shame that she even felt compelled to respond. I understand quite well that when people enter public life, they agree to subject themselves to every form of criticism. But there’s something to be said of manners—and empathy.

Like Megan, I'm from the Southside of Houston. I can’t speak for everyone, but where we’re from, we tend to tell people that we are sorry for their loss and try to help—rather than find some sick, twisted way to exploit their loss to further our agenda, no matter how nonsensical it may be. And while it’s easy to dismiss someone of Larry Johnson’s ilk as a disturbing anomaly, this actually isn’t the first time Megan has had to answer questions about her mother’s death and how she chooses to publicly grieve.

Weeks after her mother’s passing, Megan performed at Howard University. Following her performance, one person tweeted, “I’m so happy for Megan but I just don’t understand like.... her mom died and idk why she’s acting like she didn’t.” Megan saw the tweet and answered: “Just bc I’m not crying on social media doesn’t mean I’m not hurt. My mother was a very strong woman and she raised a strong woman. Godbless.” She then added: "I want to show people that you can still hold your head high even when times get tough. Pain does not last forever."

Once again, Megan reacted to insensitivity and disrespect with graciousness—but if you ask me, she should never be placed in this situation.

Not a single person in this world owes anyone else an explanation about how they choose to grieve. Similarly, it's no one’s place to use another’s actions—and in Megan Thee Stallion’s case, doing her job—to gauge whether or not they are grieving "adequately." Grief is an individual experience, and very few people know what it’s like to deal with that sort of pain, much less in the type of predicament Megan Thee Stallion finds herself in.

What was she supposed to do? Abandon her career right as it’s jumping off? Stop working in spite of the fact that she helps provide for her family? Now, had she indeed chosen to do that, it would have absolutely been her right, and her decision. But she didn’t, and that choice deserves the same level of respect—if not more.

I, sadly, have yet to release a mixtape, so I don’t know what it’s like to be Megan Thee Stallion. But I do know that while working on my second book over the summer—aptly titled I Don’t Want to Die Poor—I lost both my grandmother and my uncle. My uncle’s death was especially sad because I referenced him in my first book and had just written him about comically in its follow up. He technically died of cancer, though he truly lost his life the way so many Americans do: a lack of health insurance and falling on hard times (harder than some of us in our family ever knew). I loved my uncle, so to lose him alone was heartbreaking, the conditions that gave way to his death made it even more devastating.

I cried. And cried. And cried some more, whenever I really thought about the situation. But I still worked. And bopped. I tried to find joy when I could. Just like Megan and so many of my Houston friends and family—and just like people all over. That doesn't make my continued grief any less real; it just means that I’m trying to keep going, the way all of us are...and the way those we’ve lost would want us to.

I’m saddened this bears repeating, but again, there is no singular way to handle grief. More people need to realize that—especially in the digital age. And we should treat any celebrity, Megan Thee Stallion included, accordingly.

Megan doesn’t need anyone’s suspicions hurled at her. What she needs the most? Our support.

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