So You Have a Beard. Here's Your Halloween Costume.
So you've grown yourself a tidy little beard. Congratulations. Your hirsuteness is certainly worth celebrating, and what better time to parade around your magnificent scruff like the godsend it is than Halloween? Because this year (and every year, really) your beard represents a one-way ticket to the easiest costume around. If you've taken the time to invest in your facial hair—no matter how scraggly the results—your commitment deserves some recognition. And if you're at a loss for what to dress up as come the holiday weekend, your beard offers the perfect solution.
To help you get those creative juices flowing, we put together a foolproof list of options, including some of the most iconic bearded men of all time (from Jesus to Jackson Maine, plus a whole lot of people in between), so you can put together the ideal get-up and put your bristly mug front and center in the process. Whether you're rocking a Rip Van Winkle-style, capital-B beard or just a few days' worth of growth, embrace your whiskered face by building your whole damn costume around it.
And now, my dear bearded brethren, go forth and revel in a night of pretending to be someone else. But please—don't feel like you need to lose the beard to do it.
For Intensely Involved Beards
Jesus
King of kings! Lord of lords! Baddest beard of baddest beards! Depending on what part of the country you’re living in, dressing up as Jesus any time of year could be seen as damn-near sacrilegious. Or, you could argue that throwing on a nice, drape-y robe with a sash—paired with your all-powerful beard—is the best costume for the calendar’s most deviant night.
David Letterman
Since leaving his slot as the host of the Late Show, the beloved comic has grown out a retirement beard to end all retirement beards. For best results, pair with a suit and tie (and maybe a second-to-none sense of comedic timing).
Cornel West
In between calmly explaining to various Fox News hosts all the ways in which they have, ahem, absolutely no fucking clue what they're talking about, the firebrand academic and public intellectual stays busy sporting his now-signature look—very good beard very much included. And if you're looking for inspiration any time of the year, you could do far worse than making like the always-meticulously-dressed Dr. West by throwing on a black suit, white shirt, and black tie, and then calling it a day.
For Decent Scruff/Patchy Beards
Cassius Green
Lakeith Stanfield in 2018's Sorry to Bother You turned in one of the most memorable all-around performances of the year, and his on-screen look (charmingly patchy facial hair and all) is no exception. For maximum effect, wrap a "bloodied" handkerchief around your head and then try and remember the actual message of the movie the next time you're pissed off about, like, express shipping taking longer than two days.
Brawny Man
The Brawny man has gone through a facial hair renaissance as of late. Throughout the '80s and '90s the now-iconic corporate emblem consistently sported a thick 'stache, but these days he’s a slightly scruffy fellow just doing his darnedest to clean up a mess. (Relatable!) Asses your own scruff, spruce up your hair, throw on a buffalo check flannel and some jeans, and voila: you’re ready to tackle any spill this Halloween.
Pig Pen
Listen, not everyone can grow a beard, and hey, that’s fine. If yours is coming in patchy, lean into the ridiculousness of it all, and keep it patchy the whole way through. What you end up with is a timeless, slightly dirty take on a timeless, slightly dirty Peanuts character.
For Full Beards
The "Protagonist" from Tenet
The verdict's still out on whether Christopher Nolan's latest caper will be remembered for more than its extremely weird "will they or won't they, and is it going to be in a damn theater or not?" release, but John David Washington's neatly trimmed facial hair is a clear scene-stealer no matter how you slice it. Pair with a sharply cut suit and a look of laser-like focus for full effect.
Jackson Maine
Tell me something, girl. Are you happy in this full-bearded world? If you have the chops (literally and figuratively), a pair of faded jeans and a tan jacket is all you need to fully capture the cowboy-inspired aesthetic of Jackson Maine, Bradley Cooper’s gravelly voiced character from A Star is Born.
Jon Snow
Bearded Jon Snow is the superior Jon Snow, and that's just a fact. To celebrate the ending of one of the biggest television shows in history you're still not over, go as the (once) beloved character from Game of Thrones. The costume is, admittedly, elaborate, but also there’s no need to snip that beard. (Hell, it wouldn't work without it.)
For Mustaches
Joe Exotic
Sure, you'll have to tweak your beard slightly but trust me: it'll be worth it for the bit. After all, who better to bring some much-needed holiday spirit to your (virtual?) costume party than America's favorite wacky uncle. (And by "wacky", I mean "currently serving a two-decades-long prison sentence on close to 20 federal charges.")
Ron Swanson
A truly glorious mustache is hard to come by these days, but I'll be damned if Parks and Recreation’s Ron Swanson isn’t the purveyor of a powerful piece of facial hair. To pull off the costume simply part that coiffure to one side, and then throw on a long-sleeve polo and a baggy pair of khakis. Hook, game, 'stache.
Steve Harvey
You might know him from Family Feud or maybe one very inconvenient Miss Universe misstep, but regardless: know him, you do. You also know he has one of the proudest ‘staches in the industry, so throw on a suit and tie, and then start calling people at the party by any random name you choose. This is your time. People don't forget, Steve. People don't forget.
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