Face Slapping 101: What You Need to Know Before Slapping During Sex
Are you curious about slapping your partner or being slapped by your partner during sex? You’ve come to the right place. As a sex coach and educator, I’m often asked how to move into the realm of kinkier sex in the right ways. A slap across the face can be fun and super hot—you just have to be sure you’re doing it correctly.
When it comes to sexual spanking, slapping, whipping, we can get a bit uncomfortable. There are questions of whether or not slapping is abuse, harmful, a sign you’re demented, etc. Any erotic pain-play can stir up emotions in many of us. That’s OK! Sex comes with all kinds of emotions, both positive and negative.
Here is the bottom line: If you are both into it, have consented, are turned on, and are adults, slapping is totally OK. In fact, any sexual act between consenting adults is perfectly fine. You’re not a bad person for wanting to slap or be slapped.
For all the slapping beginners out there, we have you covered. Here’s everything you need to know before you land your first blow.
Have an open an honest conversation—and get some inspiration.
Before you do anything, you have to talk everything through. There should certainly not be any unexpected face slapping during sex. That is non-consensual play and a big no-no. If you’re going to slap your partner (or be slapped), everyone must be on board and into it.
If you’re wondering how to introduce the topic, no worries. First, ask them if this is something they’d be willing to explore. Slapping a face is a step up from spanking a butt. Slapping can be very empowering and sexy for some people, and not at all for others.
I find that the easiest way to introduce a partner to slapping is by watching some porn where slapping is an element. The key is to find a video where the slapping isn’t scary or seemingly non-consensual. Meaning, no going to Pornhub or RedTube.
Look for something on a female-focused site such as TrenchCoatX or Bellesa. The goal is to elicit excitement, not fear. Porn is a fun, easy-going way to get your partner chill with the idea of slapping before trying it.
Do your research, both of you!
Know your stuff! Do not go into BDSM, or kink of any kind, without knowing what you’re doing. You aren’t going to be a slapping master after reading some articles, but at least you’ll have some basics down on what is and what isn’t a good idea.
If possible, take a class on slapping. (Yes, that’s a thing.) There are plenty of places in major cities that offer free classes such as The Pleasure Chest and Babeland. It can very helpful to see things for yourself.
Watch YouTube videos. Here is a great video on spanking from sex ed genius Jess Wilde. This intro video, from Nina Pain, is basically face slapping 101. The point is, you want to know everything you can before trying anything yourself.
Explore spanking first.
If you haven’t gotten good at spanking a butt, do not go slapping a face. Face slapping is basically butt slapping, only more advanced and with more risks.
No slapping until the spanking is on lock. Now, you might not be into butt slapping, but are turned on by face slapping. This is totally valid. It’s not so much about doing things that aren’t sexy to get to the sexy part, it’s about working on a meatier canvas before going to a bonier, softer one.
A butt is going to absorb a slap more easily than a face. There is generally less pain and greater surface area to work with. Practice on butts, and then move to faces.
Have a safe word.
Before sex, set up a word you can use if the slapping (or anything during the play) isn’t working for you. This should be a non-sexual word that lets your partner know they should stop and check in with you. I recommend something like the following: banana, red, sailboat, strawberry, etc.
Safe words are important because if you’re in a scene where you are being submissive, the words “no” or “stop” might be interpreted as a part of the scene. Your safe word is a safetynet. It gives you permission to pull out of the scene, even briefly, without quelling out the sexual charge. It’s important to remember that as the slappee, you are still in control of your body. If something isn’t working for you, you do not have to do it again.
Start with soft pats.
Don’t begin your foray into slapping by full-force smacking the hell out of your partner. That’s probably not going to end well. You may end up with a bruise or a black eye. Not cute.
Start with gentler blows. When you’re making out, pull back and lightly slap your partner across the face. Rub the spot where you hit them to soothe the skin. You can also pull them out during oral sex for a slap across the face before you put them back to work.
Work your way up to harder smacks. Communicate and check in. Everyone should be into it every step of the way.
Place your hand on the other cheek.
When slapping, never go for it willy nilly. If you slap someone across the face, you can wind up with whiplash or causing too much of a sting. Instead, place one hand on the opposite cheek of the person you’re slapping. This helps to both stabilize their head and to absorb some of the blow. If you or your partner would like to be slapped without the buffer, you can have that conversation, but I highly recommend you keep it in place for a while. It makes the slap far less of a stinging pain, and even perhaps a bit more passionate.
Stick with non-sensitive areas.
The face is a highly sensitive area that requires careful navigation. Always be cautious.
Stay away from places like the ears or eyes. Focus entirely on cheeks. If you slap someone in the ear, you can cause physical harm in a way that is absolutely not sexy at all. If you accidentally make contact with an ear, the nose, or an eye, stop immediately and check in. It happens.
Staying “on-cheek” does means you’ll need to have good aim. Hence, beginning with spanking and softer face slaps. Master the fundamentals first, then you can get slaphappy.
Gigi Engle is a certified sex coach, educator, and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @GigiEngle.
