Exhibitionism: a Kink, Disorder, or Both?
If you like being watched, make sure you get consent first
gilaxia / E+ / Getty Images
Medically reviewed by Steven Gans, MD
Sex can be a taboo topic for a lot of us; it’s not exactly something you tend to bring up during dinner. Many very happy long-term couples—even those who are still regularly intimate—have a difficult time talking about sex. Trust us, we know how awkward it can be. So many of us are raised not to be open about the topic, and to this day feel embarrassed or ashamed even if we're trying to express needs in our relationships. For that same reason, it’s very common to worry about how our sexual kinks, such as exhibitionism, may be perceived.
Everyone is turned on by different things. Some can be conventional like a person’s smile, physique, or sense of style. Or it could be more unconventional fetishes like exhibitionism, which is, broadly speaking when you are aroused by having others watch you get naked or perform sexual acts.
There are circumstances where exhibitionist behavior can become harmful, especially when consent is not practiced or respected. If certain criteria are met, it could be considered a paraphilic disorder. If it is done with the consent of all relevant parties (everyone who might catch a glimpse), then it can be a fun addition to the bedroom.
What Does Exhibitionist Behavior Look Like?
Exhibitionist behaviors can vary from person to person. Here are some examples of practices that a person with an exhibitionist fetish might find arousing:
Sharing nude photos and/or videos: This could be texting a picture of yourself in the bath to your partner. Or this could mean recording yourself dancing in a sensual way and sending it to someone.
Being nude or performing sexual acts in front of another person: This could involve masturbating in front of your partner. Or this could be live streaming or posting content online of yourself naked for others. Or simply being naked in public.
Deliberately kissing or showing affection in public: It can be titillating to experience the thrill of having an audience. PDA, of course, is not quite the same as having sex in front of others, but can be a safe way to tap into that pleasure center.
Participating in a swinger’s club or sex party: It creates pleasure to interact with others who are open and potentially more inclined to participate in exhibitionist behaviors.
Takeaway
In all of these situations, consent is absolutely essential, and that's non-negotiable. Public sex acts are generally against the law, and it can be a crime to send unsolicited nude photos. You must be 100% sure you have everyone's consent before engaging in any kind of sexual behavior in front of others.
Reasons Why People Derive Pleasure From Exhibitionist Behavior
You might prefer to turn off the lights and enjoy intimacy in complete darkness. Or you might be the type who wants to start your own OnlyFans account and enjoys showing others your sexual prowess. This may be pleasurable for you, but weird or too kinky for others.
We spoke with Heather Shannon, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Host of the top-ranked “Ask A Sex Therapist” podcast about why exhibitionist behavior can be sexually arousing for people.
She shared that it’s important to note that it depends on how we define exhibitionist behaviors and reasons are determined on a case-by-case basis.
It can be validating to know you have an audience who enjoys your nudity, sexual energy, and/or performance.
It can help remind you to feel sexy in your body.
It can feel powerful to knowingly use your sexuality to turn someone on by “putting on a show.”
It can be financially rewarding, validating and profitable for those who make money from their behaviors such as OnlyFans creators.
Is Exhibitionism Always Sexual?
No, Shannon explains that exhibitionism isn’t always sexual. For instance, some people just like to be naked and simply enjoy the freedom of that, such as nudists (or naturists).
In addition, a nude model for an art class may enjoy the sensual experience of being naked or merely being appreciated as inspiration for a work of art.
When Does Exhibitionism Become a Paraphilic Disorder?
A person with paraphilia has unusual behaviors, interests, urges or fantasies that are considered atypical, such as exhibitionism that are necessary to achieve sexual arousal. These thoughts or acts are persistent and recurrent for at least 6 months.
The DSM-5 criteria categorize a paraphilic disorder when the following occurs:
The bizarre behavior or fantasies cause distress and impact the person’s ability to function properly.
Their paraphilic behaviors have hurt others or put others at risk of harm.
How Exhibitionism Can Become Harmful
There are situations where exhibitionism can become harmful.
Shannon says that exhibitionism can be a crime in cases where there is a lack of consent such as rape or sexual assault. Another example is when you are naked and/or sexual in front of people without their consent. The behavior is illegal if children are involved, and carries severe punishments.
Takeaway
Lack of consent can occur digitally. An example is when someone receives unsolicited nudes or an unwanted video of them performing a sexual act.
Shannon adds that it can become problematic if exhibitionist behavior becomes compulsive and interferes with work or gets in the way of maintaining relationships.
Is It the Same Thing as Voyeurism?
Exhibitionism isn’t the same thing as voyeurism; however, they are both fetishes and can work well together. A person who has a voyeuristic kink enjoys observing someone undress, get naked, or perform a sexual activity.
Shannon explains that exhibitionism is something you can do with a lover where one of you is the performer or object of desire, and one is the voyeur or observer who is getting off on the performance.
Therefore, an exhibitionist and a voyeur would be able to meet their sexual desires together. It’s important to note that similar to exhibitionism, voyeurist practices must be performed with consent—peeping without consent is a crime.
How to Practice Exhibitionism Safely
Shannon emphasizes that the key to practicing exhibitionism safely is consent.
“Make sure whoever is seeing you naked and/or engaging in sexual activity has consented,” advises Shannon.
Explore in-person or via video options
Tapping into your sexual desires of being watched can be a fun way to spice things up in the bedroom. However, you can also explore your exhibitionist fetish without meeting up in person.
Shannon advises that you can find a larger audience by trying a more professional platform like OnlyFans. These can be used simply for your own pleasure or for profit.
Meet up with others who have similar kinks
Shannon shares that you can try exhibitionism at some BDSM dungeons, private sex parties, or swinger clubs. There are even beach resorts, such as the famous Hedonism, where exhibitionism is generally welcomed.
Pace yourself and notice what feels good to you
It’s important to start slow if you are new to exhibitionism.
“Ease your way into various levels of undress and sexual activity, keeping in mind you may be willing to do much more when you’re turned on than what you’d be ok with the next day,” advises Shannon.
Be prepared with emotional aftercare
Exhibitionism can be fun, sexy and thrilling, but there may also be a coming down from that high, so be prepared. Shannon recommends lining up some emotional aftercare with your partner so you have support in the case of an emotional drop afterwards. You can also consider planning a fun or grounding activity like a walk or meditation session the following day.
You're not abnormal if you get turned on by the thought of having strangers observe you; exploring exhibitionism can be a healthy way to fulfill your sexual desires. However, be sure there is consent before you get kinky.
If your need for exhibitionist behaviors is affecting how you function and connect with others, consider reaching out to a mental health professional or seeking the help of a sex therapist.
Read the original article on Verywell Mind.
