Excuse Me, But Can Someone Explain Who the Heck Kaitlynn Carter Is?

From Cosmopolitan

In case you hadn't heard, Miley Cyrus and Kaitlynn Carter came in like a wrecking ball and were "basically having sex" on the floor at some random club the other night. And if your reaction to that news is to immediately black out due to Liam Hemsworth-related emotions, you need to calm down. Relationships end. People move on. Just ask Tristan and Khloé, Jamie and Katie, and oh yeah, literally every other celebrity couple on this planet.

Miley and Liam's breakup is fresher than the entire contents of my fridge, but Miley seems to have moved on with our girl Kaitlyn—who, to be clear, is so much more than "Brody Jenner's ex-wife." Mostly because they were never even married, but also because she's defined by more than her proximity to the extended Kardashian dynasty. Here's everything you need to know about Kaitlynn (aside from boring stuff like she studied abroad in Italy, graduated from University of New Hampshire, and got a BA in English):

She's About to Start a Skincare Line

It's called Selfé and honestly everyone in the campaign looks positively dewy AF:

^ DO! THE! DEW!

She's a (Former) Blogger

Kaitlynn founded a lifestyle website called Hey, Miss Carter in 2014, but it looks like she stopped updating it circa 2018. She called the space her "digital diary," and the bio section still reads "I now live in Malibu, California with my fiancé and three dogs." Someone oughta update that...

She Has a ~Fashion Marketplace~

Otherwise known as a website where she sells clothes. It's called Foray and basically everything on there is made to look cute on Instagram, so go for(ay)th. Let's just pretend that joke worked and move on.

Yes, Her Wedding Was Fake

Yeahhhhh, so we can't completely avoid the topic of Brody Jenner because he's been a pretty big part of Kaitlynn's life since they met at a party in 2013 and fell madly in love. The couple got married on an island off the coast of Indonesia in 2018, and by that, I mean they got "married" because turns out it was never made official. (They basically never got their nuptials legalized in the States. Paperwork, etc.)

She's Currently Starring in The Hills: New Beginnings

Obviously, Brody Jenner is a veteran of MTV's iconic show and the recent revival meant that Kaitlynn was thrust into the crazy world of reality TV—which apparently wasn't great for their relationship. “Brody and Kaitlynn have had issues for years. It is no secret amongst those who knew them," a source told People. "And the show was not good for them. It got so bad that Kaitlynn had actually moved out before they started filming, but then moved back in. Doing The Hills magnified a lot of things in their marriage. And it became clear that it wasn’t going to work. They both knew it."

Awkwardly, you can watch this all play out on TV because The Hills is most definitely airing right TF now on Mondays at 10 p.m. ET.

The Kardashians Snubbed Her

Apparently, Brody's little sisters Kendall and Kylie Jenner fully ignored their invitations to his wedding. "My two little sisters, we never even heard from them," Brody said. "They never even RSVP’d, I don’t think. We sent them an invite but we just never heard anything back. Well, they’ll be missed. I would have loved to have had them there."

She Used to Date David Spade?

Or at least they were spotted out and about together back in the day. Kinda random, no?

She Wasn't Invited to Kim Kardashian's Wedding

And Spencer Pratt told Cosmopolitan the snub was a huge deal—and the ~real reason~ Brody Jenner didn't attend his step-sister's nuptials. Spencer explains:

She's Living That Influencer Life

Let's just say the hashtag #ad appears on Kaitlynn's Instagram pretty frequently, and given that she has almost a million followers, she likely makes a lot of money influencing.

According to Sarah Boyd, founder of the digital influencer agency Simply, reality stars with 1 million followers make around $10,000 per post—and Kaitlynn's hovering just below that. Get! That! Money!

Kay, on that note, we're done: you're now an expert in all things Kaitlynn Carter.

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