How An ‘Everything Shower’ Helped Heal My Relationship With My Body
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There are many details about my past that are fuzzy now, but certain memories are as clear as day.
I remember the girl who called me fat in the first grade. I remember the time my mom put me on a soup-only diet after I’d gained weight at summer camp (I was 11). And I definitely remember the time a guy I'd been dating broke up with me during the darkest moments of my eating disorder because he “wasn’t attracted to me anymore." To this day, a picture of Jessica Simpson in her Daisy Dukes that I'd seen in a magazine still haunts me.
None of these memories were good for my body image.
For nearly two decades, no matter what I put my body through—which could best be described as a cycle of starving, overexercising, recovering, and repeating—I struggled to love what I saw in the mirror. At some point, I began to just accept the fact that my body and I would never get along. Like a bad roommate, I was going to have to learn to live with her.
But then, the 2020 lockdown happened. I was sharing a small space with a partner, and the only “me time" I got during the day was the ten minutes I spent in the shower. It didn’t take long for me to start to cherish those moments of silence, and to look for ways to make them last as long as humanly possible. Suddenly, my quick lather-and-rinse routine transformed into a full-blown, multi-step process marked by two types of exfoliation and multiple layers of lotion. On days when it felt like the entire world was falling apart, I found myself looking forward to this small indulgence.
The process began as a way for me to get some much-needed space, but it transformed into something else entirely. All that time slathering and scrubbing forced me to connect to my body in a way that felt totally foreign to me. Exfoliating my legs gave me a chance to feel the muscles I’d built up from years as a runner. Moisturizing my stomach connected me to a part of my body I’d always done my best to avoid touching.
After a while, the fact that my thighs touched or that my high school jeans were three sizes too small didn’t feel important anymore. Instead of standing in the shower criticizing all my naked bits and bobs, I was starting to appreciate them.
How “mindful body-care” improves body image
Unknowingly at the time, I was practicing mindful body-care, and this type of non-sexual self-touch can be a powerful tool in healing a negative self-image, experts say. “In a way, it forces you to become the caretaker of your body by engaging in practices that respect it,” says Erika Bent, LMFT, a clinical counselor in California who specializes in eating disorders. “Self-massage, for example, can be a beautiful way to nourish the body and care for it in a soothing way.”
These rituals can be particularly impactful for people who, like me, have struggled with disordered eating. “It's about enhancing the awareness of your body,” says Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy in Los Angeles, CA, who explains that using touch to tune into bodily sensations can help you differentiate between physical and emotional feelings. This, in turn, can improve your relationship with food, distinguishing between true hunger and emotional eating. “You may also rediscover and learn to appreciate parts of your body you'd previously overlooked or thought poorly of,” she says.
Body positivity from your bathroom
Even those who aren't struggling with body dysmorphia can benefit from relishing their shower routine, which can be a form of mindfulness meditation, say our experts. Use that time—which you’ve already carved out of your schedule anyway—as a consistent and deliberate opportunity to quiet your mind by tuning into the present. “It can be a powerful tool for emotional regulation,” says Goldberg. “By slowing down, you can ground yourself when you're feeling overwhelmed.”
It’s no surprise, then, that brands have begun developing products that make shower time feel as peaceful and intentional as possible. Aromatherapy-infused offerings, like Tatcha’s Forest Awakening line or By Rosie Jane’s Calm The F*ck Down body wash, relieve stress via scent. Dove now has a range of body products—from creamy mousses to gentle serum-infused cream washes to gritty scrubs—with textures that amp up the sensorial experience. Lately, entire brands have been built upon the idea that lingering in a shower’s warm embrace can have mental health payoffs. Two recent examples—Find Your Happy Place and Beloved bath and body—with product names like “Invigorating, “Vibe,” and “A Great Night's Sleep”—promise softer skin with a mind and mood boost.
What my mindful body care routine looks like now
Four years have gone by since I first started taking these mindful showers, and I haven’t skipped a day. Every night before bed, no matter what else I’ve got going on, I spend 20 minutes treating myself to a full-blown body-care routine. I have a fancy Sprig shower head, which pairs with infusion pods that fill the steam in your shower with scent. I’ll choose between Focus, Sleep, Shield, or Recharge depending on my mood.
Then, I lather up with a hydrating body wash. I’ve been loving the L’Occitane Almond Oil Shower Oil—its transformation from silky oil to frothy lather is really satisfying and it feels super-soft on my skin—and Saltair’s Pink Beach Body Wash, which is what I imagine heaven smells like. Next, I’ll exfoliate my dark armpits and my body breakouts with Sol de Janeiro Bom Dia Bright Clarifying AHA BHA Body Wash, which sloughs away dead skin with salicylic, lactic, and fruit acids and smells like vacation in a bottle. Next it’s a scrub with Ouai’s Cleansing Sugar Scrub, which has a pretty sparkle to it and is just gritty enough to cleanse my skin without feeling too aggressive. Some nights I’ll finish things up with a shave using the Hanni Shave Pillow Moisturizing Body Gel and BIC’s Soleil Smooth Scented Razor, which has a super-subtle lavender scent that gives one last relaxing touch to my shower.
Once the water is turned off, I apply lotion while I’m still in the shower, because dermatologists have told me that it works better when your skin is wet. I massage myself from head to toe with Saltair’s Pink Beach Body Lotion or the Cerave Moisture Cream. Some nights, I’ll swap in the Versed Retinol Body Butter, which has a beautiful buttery texture that melts into skin and treats it with fix-everything retinol.
I can’t pretend that this practice has solved all of my problems, but spending a few intentional minutes with my body every day has changed our relationship for the better. Most days, I love her a whole lot more than I did before. And even in the moments I don’t, she’s still someone I want to hang out with.
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