Everything You Need to Know From the Fifth Democratic Presidential Debate

It is an unfortunate coincidence that last night’s fifth Democratic presidential debate took place on the day that was perhaps the most momentous in the impeachment hearings, with Gordon Sondland dropping his bombshell testimony confirming a quid pro quo. But we are not here to talk about the hours of televised proceedings that riveted the nation. We are here to tell you that 10—can we weed this down next time, please?—presumptive candidates took to the stage last night, for a mostly sludgy discussion that was not really a debate but a series of sound-bite soliloquies—with a few flare-ups and even fewer flashes of humor.

These scant moments included Joe Biden recounting that Kim Jong Un called him “a rabid dog who needs to be beaten with a stick” and Sanders, who was standing next to the V.P., joking “but other than that, you like him.” Cory Booker noted, tongue-in-cheek, that he thought Biden might have been high when he’s not ready to support legalizing marijuana. And Andrew Yang, who didn’t get much play tonight, was asked the first thing he would say to Vladimir Putin if he wins in 2020. Yang answered, “Well, first, I’d say I’m sorry I beat your guy.”

That was pretty much it for chuckles. The night began with Elizabeth Warren saying she didn’t think ambassadorships should be for sale, no doubt a reference to Sondland, who gave Trump’s inaugural committee a million bucks and was rewarded with the plum job of U.S. ambassador to the European Union. Sanders declared that we have a president who is “not only a pathological liar, he is likely the most corrupt president in the modern history of America.” Amy Klobuchar still wouldn’t confirm that she will vote for impeachment; Kamala Harris called the Trump administration “a criminal enterprise.”

Then Warren and Booker got in a spat about the wealth tax. Warren told us all the fun things we can do with the wealth tax—childcare, tuition. Booker countered that the wealth tax “is cumbersome”; Warren concluded by saying she is “tired of freeloading billionaires.” Pete Buttigieg said we have to “galvanize not polarize,” a slogan that doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.

There was a mercifully brief discussion of health care, with Warren offering a softening of her original Medicare for All position. Instead she says that in her the first 100 days she wants to bring 135 million people into Medicare at no cost to them. “And then in the third year, when people have had a chance to feel it and taste it and live with it, we’re going to vote, and we’re going to want Medicare for All.” Biden alleged that a lot of Dems don’t want a taste, adding that...Nancy Pelosi doesn’t want it. Sanders, who owns this issue, came on strong, insisting that “the American people understand today that the current health care system is not only cruel, it is dysfunctional… And in the first week of my administration, we will introduce Medicare for All. Medicare for All, that means no deductibles, no co-payments, no out-of-pocket expenses. That’s where we’ve got to go.”

Tulsi Gabbard, a dark horse in a white suit, was asked about her previous characterization of Hillary Clinton as the “personification of the rot that has sickened the Democratic Party.” Gabbard responds with a bland “our Democratic Party, unfortunately, is not the party that is of, by, and for the people.” Harris jumped in, attacking Gabbard for her many appearances on Fox News, buddying up to Steve Bannon, and her failure to call out a war criminal, a reference to Gabbard’s notorious meeting with the Syrian strongman Bashar al-Assad.

Tom Steyer—he and Yang were the forgotten men, with neither given much chance to speak—announced that he is the only one on the podium for whom the climate crisis is priority one. Biden responded that he thinks climate change is an “existential threat to humanity” and that he doesn’t he need a lecture from Steyer, whose former life as a hedge fund manager involved coal-related investments. But Sanders contested the timeline of others’ arguments, saying that “decades” isn’t realistic—it’s in eight or nine years that our cities will be underwater.

Then it was international politics time! Harris declared that when it comes to North Korea, “Donald Trump got punked,” and she referenced the Iran nuclear deal, the Paris climate agreement, and the Kurds. Biden said he would make Saudi Arabia a pariah; Sanders called that country “a brutal dictatorship.” He also brought up Israel and the Palestinians, saying he is pro-Israel “but we must treat the Palestinian people as well with the respect and dignity that they deserve.”

In response to a #MeToo question, Biden reminded everyone that he wrote the Violence Against Women Act—then demonstrated once again why he has earned the title of Mr. Malaprop by proceeding with the sentence, “We have to just change the culture, period, and keep punching at it and punching at it and punching at it.“

Harris reminded us that “there are plenty of people who applauded black women for the success of the 2018 election... But, you know, at some point, folks get tired of just saying, ‘Oh, you know, thank me for showing up’ and, and say, ‘Well, show up for me.’” Buttigieg said that “while I do not have the experience of ever having been discriminated against because of the color of my skin, I do have the experience of sometimes feeling like a stranger in my own country, turning on the news and seeing my own rights come up for debate….”

The hopefuls wove through other topics—family leave! Abortion! Payouts to farmers!—before it was time for closing statements.

Booker gave a big shout out to civil rights icon John Lewis, who was in the audience: “We all owe a debt that we cannot repay,” he said, lauding that gentleman. “We all drink deeply from wells of freedom and liberty that we did not dig. This is the moment in America where we need a leader that can inspire us to get up and fight again, so that we have truly a moral moment in America, like it was back in 1965.” Then he pled with the audience to send him money so he can qualify for the next debate. Biden gave a little speech that reminded one of Howard Beale in Network: “I’m so tired of everybody walking around like, Woe is me, what are we going to do? … It’s time to remember, get up, let’s take back this country and lead the world again. It’s within our power to do it. Get up and take it back!”

And Sanders stood on his record: “At the age of 21, as a member of a civil rights group at the University of Chicago, I was arrested, spent the night in jail, and I have been committed to the fight against all forms of discrimination—racial discrimination, sexism, homophobia, xenophobia, and religious bigotry. I will lead an administration that will look like America, will end the divisiveness brought by Trump, and bring us together.”

Originally Appeared on Vogue