What to do when everything goes wrong—all at the same time

There is a reason they say, “when it rains, it pours.” Why? Because we all have those moments when it seems as if everything that could possibly go wrong—all at the same time—does.

When I find myself singled out as a sorry recipient of bad luck, I remember these legends—a shipwreck survivor, a pop star and a Nobel Peace Prize recipient, all who overcame the worst.

• Sir Ernest Henry Shackleton was an explorer in the 1900’s who set out on a shipping expedition to Antarctica with twenty-seven men, forty-nine dogs and a tomcat. A few weeks into his journey, the ice froze around his ship and they were stuck in the arctic tundra like a chocolate chip embedded in the middle of a cookie. For a year and a half he and his crew survived, stranded on a sea of floating ice.

• Taylor Swift spent a lifetime pouring out her heart and soul into her music. Like many pop stars who don’t technically own the rights to her own music, she woke up one morning to the heartbreaking news that her entire catalog had been sold without her knowledge or permission.

• Nelson Mandela was an activist speaking truth to a government that was committing heinous human rights abuses against Black South Africans. Eventually, that same government wrongfully incarcerated him for twenty-seven years .

As for me, I found out my dad was not my biological father on ancestry.com, my career hit a brick wall during Covid when I had a hundred and fifty speaking events canceled in two weeks, I went on unemployment and lost a baby after years of trying to conceive—all at the same time.

So if it’s inevitable that things will not always go according to our plans, the real question is what can we learn from those who have handled unimaginable circumstances with grace, grit, humility and dignity?

Control what you can and prepare for the best

The majority of our anxiety comes from overthinking and anticipating every single scenario that could possibly go wrong. What if we put more energy into thinking about all the ways in which things could go right? What if instead of rehearsing for tragedy, we visualized and spoke into existence the reality we desired? Shackleton made his crew pack up everything they owned every single day because he believed that was going to be the day they were rescued. He controlled what he could and, with radical, unfathomable optimism for a year and a half, he visualized their rescue and eventually that dream was realized.

Bravely ask for help

Nothing strengthens our spirit more than a supportive squad. Upon the sale of her life’s work, Taylor Swift notified her social media community and suddenly there was an army supporting her. Whether we have millions of followers or a handful of good friends, we are not meant to fight our battles alone. We need people to love and support us. Great strength is demonstrated in being vulnerable enough to ask for support.

Trust that there is always purpose to our pain

There is power in intentionally choosing to believe that life happens for us and not to us, especially in the face of heartbreak or injustice. Nelson Mandela showcased magnanimity in the face of injustice, before he had the knowledge that his power would be rightfully reinstated as he would eventually become President. He also reminds us that our true power exists in our ability to control our internal state, in spite of our external circumstances.

Hunt for joy

Sometimes in the midst of our storms, it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yet even in our darkest moments, joy still exists as tiny, flickering sparks of light reminding us that this too will pass. Eventually I became pregnant again but my labor would be anything but rosy with an emergency c-section and a two and a half week stint in the NICU. During that time, I trained myself to search for tiny, perfect moments, dare I say glimmers of joy, that existed in the challenging first months of new motherhood.

The truth is that challenges, pain and heartbreak will always be sprinkled throughout our life. But the good news is that the bitterness of those moments will be greatly outweighed by the sweetness of the love, joy, grace and beauty that also exists.

What we listen for becomes the background music to our lives and what we focus on becomes the overriding story line. If we are in fact the authors of our own lives, let’s intentionally write an epic story, where our trials are but rich lessons that are vibrantly stitched in the tapestry of our lives.