Is It Ever Okay…to Bring a Single Serving to a Picnic?
Welcome to “Is It Ever Okay,” Bon Appétit’s questionable etiquette column. Have a question? Email staff.bonappetit@gmail.com.
My spouse is FREAKED OUT about mayo sitting in the sun, but I’m not. Do I have to leave the egg salad at home? —Curdled Carl
Did you know that mayo has vinegar in it that actually PREVENTS microbial growth from happening? So it’s not the mayo you should fear but the egg, tuna, or chicken you’ve got bathing in it. The Department of Agriculture gives you a two-hour time limit on leaving those out of the fridge, but a few of us at BA have been known to extend that, shh.
What is the best way to camouflage booze when you technically shouldn’t have it in the park? —Incognito Ivy
The capital-B best way? Paint the wine bottle with Elmer’s rubber cement and then carefully apply sticks and leaves until it blends in with the landscape. Don’t have an artist’s eye? I pour (non-sparkling) wine or prebatched Negronis into a Corkcicle canteen, which keeps it cold for hours.
I picked a nice shaded isolated spot to picnic with my family by a lake, but another group showed up and sat waaay too close to us. Now what?! —Socially Distant Sanjay
Oooooh the shady spot by the LAKE. I can see why you don’t want to gather your blanket and move along. Time for what I call Gentle Confrontation. Kindly address your intruders, “Hi there! I’m so sorry to bother you, but we’re still a bit spooked about germs given that whole thing. I don’t mean to be rude, but would it be possible to shift your blanket a few yards to the right?” Keep your tone warm and a little desperate. If they get hostile, move over yourself—no huffing!—and double down on having a good time.
We adhere to a strict picnic rule: no disposable products. Can we ask our friends to do the same when we picnic together, or should we supply these items for them? —Optimistic Opal
You’re doing a good thing, keep doing that. I’d bring silverware for everyone to avoid the whole kerfuffle. Because this is the kind of tiny issue that snowballs the more time you dwell on it. If you’re sitting and stewing over a friend’s plastic spork, grudging and judging, you’re misplacing your outrage. Direct that at the larger forces to blame for earth-ruining out there, like ExxonMobil. Enjoy this time with the people who make you happy; the cutlery isn’t going to help you clean out a flooded basement or dispose of a body. You know, the stuff real friends do.
How do you keep all the random dogs people brought from eating the food? —More-of-a-Cat-Person Min
Seeing a soft-eared canine running off with my perfectly charred Ball Park Frank is just the trigger to unravel a month’s worth of self-help podcasts. But as with toddlers and Labatt-drunk boyfriends, you can’t tell a person how to control their creature. You can pull this line out, though: “Oh hey, Stefani? Is there a command or something I can say to keep Captain Peppercorn from stealing the franks?” Maybe she’ll step in to do something. Maybe.
I’ve gotten caught bringing something to a picnic and then eating it all myself. So now I just bring two vegetarian calzones or whatever so I can share one and still have one for myself (I’m an only child, shut up). Is that acceptable? —Single-Serving Sylvia
I’m a middle child, YOU shut up! I cherish my friends’ weirdo tendencies, but you can’t keep something for yourself and then turn around and smash on my Fritos Scoops. A picnic is inherently a sharing event, unless you have a food allergy or it’s the midst of a global pandemic, in which case, NO SHARING. But in normal times, bring something that everyone can easily enjoy (is the calzone sliced? I have so many questions). How about a pitcher of sweet tea. Or a bucket of sour cream and onion dip. Personal growth comes in many forms. Dip is one of the best.
What are the best Bon Appétit recipes to bring to a picnic? —Subscribin’ Sherman
A mini tin of Maldon salt
Originally Appeared on Bon Appétit
