Etiquette Rules for Guests Attending a Baby Shower

From what to write in the card to how to shop for a gift.

Fact checked by Elizabeth Brownfield

Baby showers are a pivotal part of parenthood for many child-bearing individuals to help ease them into this new stage of life. They are most popularly known for cute decorations, endless gifts, and memories filled with tears and laughter. That said, in order to help provide a positive experience for everyone involved, it’s beneficial for guests to consider appropriate baby shower etiquette. This has always been a topic of discussion, but even more so with the rise of virtual baby showers, because it’s easy to forget that there are other people on the receiving end, even though you’re in your home.

“Celebrating people is so important, whether it be a baby shower or a PhD celebration,”
says Jenny Dreizen, modern-day etiquette expert and co-founder of Fresh Starts Registry. “When we show up for our people, we should do it with our whole heart and motivated by love and community.”

To help ease anxiety around this special day, we spoke with etiquette experts and party planners about everything from RSVP’ing on time to wearing the proper attire for a baby shower.

Make Sure You RSVP to the Baby Shower on Time

If you were invited to a baby shower, it’s likely that invites went out fairly early, perhaps a month or two in advance. In many cases, this is so the party planners have enough time to get everything ready for the special day and have a head count on how many guests to expect.

“RSVP’ing on time lends toward any event going smoothly, having enough food, drink, favors, and even room in a rented venue or a private home,” says August Abbott, JustAnswer’s etiquette expert. “Besides this, it shows respect respect to not only respond on time, but to be on time.”

If, for some reason, you believe you won't be able to make the RSVP deadline but aren't a definite no, Dreizen recommends contacting the host and letting them know, since more information is always better than none.

Related: How to Plan a Baby Shower

Should You Stick to the Registry When Shopping for a Baby Shower Gift?

Prior to attending a baby shower, you’ll probably think about getting a gift for the expectant parent. In terms of baby shower etiquette, it’s by no means mandatory to consider a gift from the registry, however, it can be helpful and is often a safe bet.

“Registries are created by the expectant parents to help guests select items they genuinely need or want for their baby,” says Lee Ramsay, event planner and owner of Lee Ramsay Events. “By choosing a gift from the registry, you are giving something that is practical and meaningful to the parents-to-be.”

However, Lee adds that if you have a special, personalized gift in mind, this is still an appropriate—and appreciated—gesture.

What Should You Write in a Baby Shower Card?

You’ll likely consider giving a card alongside your gift at the baby shower to add a more personal touch. While your initial instinct may be to end the card with “best wishes” or “all the best,” our etiquette experts recommend opting for a simple "congratulations."

“Joy and excitement are great moods for a shower card," Dreizen says. "I'd stick with 'Congratulations;' 'We're so happy for you;' 'So excited for you;' 'Joyous regards,' etc.”

Related: 12 Fun Baby Shower Games

What Should You Wear to a Baby Shower?

There’s no one-size-fits-all rule when it comes to the proper attire for a baby shower. However, you will want to keep in mind the venue and the occasion.

“Invitations often will include suggested attire if required,” says Abbott. “For example, if it is happening on a yacht, the invitation may read 'dress for on board fun' or some such. If it’s being held in a casual restaurant,  'dress casual' is often noted, or something similar.”

Ramsay adds that dresses, skirts, slacks, and blouses are great options, along with collared shirts or trousers.. That said, if the shower has a specific theme, such as a costume or a garden party, consider if there are any attire guidelines provided by the hosts.

What Conversation Topics Should You Avoid at a Baby Shower?

The last thing you want to do at a baby shower is bring up uncomfortable topics that’ll dampen the mood.

“I'd avoid asking too many prying or private questions about the new baby and its birth,” says Dreizen. “You don't need to know if the expectant birther will be medicated or unmedicated, or if someone plans to breastfeed, for example.”

Other topics to try to avoid include politics and religion. Especially if there are differing opinions at the table, it’s better off saving these conversations for another day.

“Instead, engage in conversations that revolve around the baby, parenting, and shared experiences, making the event a joyful and inclusive gathering,” advises Ramsay. “Be sure to maintain focus on the expectant parents, not yourself.”

Are There Special Rules for Attending a Virtual Baby Shower?

In this day and age, there are more virtual baby showers than ever before, thanks to the popularity of Zoom. Since people are in the comfort of their own homes, it’s easy to forget there are others on the receiving end, but that’s important to keep in mind, especially in terms of baby shower etiquette.

“Pay attention, or look like you are. Stay in one place—it can be distracting when someone is bopping around their house with the laptop or phone,” says Dreizen. “Set yourself up with a coffee or a drink, and sit somewhere cozy to just enjoy the event.”

Although it’s a virtual party, make sure to be an active participant in the baby shower. Keep in mind that you're logging on to celebrate a friend or loved one, and you want them to feel that you are present in honoring their special day.

Related: 11 Awesome Co-Ed Baby Shower Ideas

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