How to embrace the Christmas season alone
As we’re all painfully aware by now, Christmas will look very different this year. While politicians and scientists are still debating the wisdom of easing restrictions over a five-day period to allow people to see their families, there will be many who already know they’ll be spending Christmas Day alone — because they don’t have to option to form a bubble or don’t want to take the risk of spreading or catching the virus.
The idea of a Christmas spent alone can feel particularly sad, and it will be for many. “With a lot of the usual festive period revolving around spending time with loved ones, we know it’s likely that more people are going to struggle with loneliness and their mental health over Christmas,” says Stephen Buckley, Head of Information at mental health charity Mind.
Yet while it will be difficult for lots of people, it’s not always the case that Christmas on your own is a write-off. Pandemic or not, it’s a choice some people make every year, deciding to shun tradition and expectations and enjoy the day by themselves. Some want to duck out of the pressures and stress of big family gatherings, others take it as a chance to recharge after a draining year (and there’s none more draining than 2020).
However you might be feeling about a Christmas spent alone, here’s how you can make it a more merry one…
Do what you enjoy
At Christmas we can get wrapped up in what other people want, but a solo Christmas is the perfect time to focus on creating your own ideal day — free of the usual compromises. Karen Green, a 55-year-old business mentor, spent her first Christmas alone two years ago when it was her ex-husband’s turn to have their children. “I decided to make it really special for myself. I bought myself some amazing presents as well as making sure that my kids had left me something under the tree so that I had lots of things to open. I cooked myself the most lovely lunch of a lobster starter, roast duck and all trimmings and trifle dessert and watched exactly what I wanted to on the TV — Coronation Street and It’s A Wonderful Life. Although it hadn’t been my choice to spend the day alone I had a fabulous time.”
Embrace the down-time
It’s been quite the year and we could all do with our emotional and physical batteries topping up. Even those who love Christmas will admit all the shopping, planning and juggling can be exhausting — so try to see a quiet Christmas as a chance for a well-deserved rest.
Mark Wentworth, 56, has spent Christmas alone three times over the past few years — most recently in 2018. His job as a colour consultant involves a lot of travel and interaction with people and, while he loves the festive period, he also welcomes time by himself. “Family invite me for Christmas but on the years I’ve said no they always ask if I’m ok or anything is wrong — they don’t quite understand my choice. I do appreciate it, but the years I have been home alone I have felt fully recharged and ready to go out into the world again.”
The internet is your friend
We’re all pretty adept at video calls these days, and setting up Zoom or Facetime chats with family and friends is the next best thing to seeing them — though try to arrange a time in advance so you’re not sat about wondering why no-one’s called. And while you might want to avoid social media if seeing posts about other people’s gatherings will depress you, it can be a place to find solace too. Each year comedian Sarah Millican encourages people who are alone or dreading Christmas Day for whatever reason to connect on twitter via the #joinin hashtag. It’s somewhere to find chat, company and distraction if you’re feeling lonely, anxious or just need someone to discuss the Strictly Christmas special with. Mind also has their own online community called Side by Side, if you want to connect with others who are finding Christmas — or any time — difficult.
Help out
It's the season of goodwill and, after such a difficult year, we could all do with spreading an extra dose of it. If you’re spending Christmas alone, volunteering can help you feel more connected to your community. After an exhausting year in 2018, Louise Graham, 36, decided to spend Christmas at home alone in London, but to distract herself did a different volunteering activity every week of December. “I absolutely loved it — my good will, festive spirit and meaning tank was fully topped up.” One of them — the London Basket Brigade — inspired her to set up her own version, the Glasgow Basket Brigade, when she moved home to Scotland in 2019. “That year I spent Christmas with 400 volunteers and we made over 500 Christmas food baskets for those in need,” she says. This year, that’s increased to 600 volunteers. “The appetite to do something more meaningful and purposeful has been felt a lot more this year.” Some volunteer opportunities might be restricted this Christmas, but you can still buy a toy for a child in need, a Christmas dinner for a young homeless person or a parcel for a woman escaping domestic violence. Charities like Age UK, Independent Age, Re-engage are always looking for volunteers for their telephone befriending services and initiatives like Postcards of Kindness let you send a card to someone in a care home or hospice.
You don’t have to celebrate
If forcing yourself to do something festive will only make you even more aware that you’re by yourself, then you don’t have to. It’s fine to sit this one out and treat Christmas Day like any other. Have beans on toast for lunch, go out for a long walk or run; watch, read or listen to something totally Un-Christmassy. Do your taxes if you feel like it. “It’s important to try not to put pressure on yourself to do anything you’re not comfortable with,” says Buckley. “Christmas can be an overwhelming time and it may feel even more overwhelming due to the pandemic.
