The Bachelorette Season 14 Episode 4 Recap: The Problem With This Season

Unless you're actually invested in this David vs. Jordan drama, the real Bachelor Nation developments are currently happening offscreen: Ashley and Jared are actually engaged, Twitter is locked in a battle over who this season's contestants look like, and Tia blocked Bekah on Twitter. And then you have the Garrett and Lincoln controversies—about a problematic social media history and an assault conviction, respectively.

These two have certainly cast a shadow over the season—you're not going to root for the guy who was found guilty of indecent assault and battery for groping and assaulting a woman—and it calls into question the past of all the men. But that's a larger, on-going story. Tonight, my role is to simply recap, for better or worse, what happened in this episode. So, let's go.

We open with the cocktail party from last week. To recap, Clay had to leave because of an injury, David is still in the hospital after he fell from the top of a bunk bed, and Jordan's being Jordan.

Blake takes Becca aside and leads her to the guys' dark bedroom, where they sit under what I hope is not the same bed David fell off of. What do we think that room smells like? A potent mixture of farts, sweaty socks, and Jean Blanc's cologne collection? So romantic. Instead of backing out of the room slowly, like I would do, Becca stays and even talks potential baby names—Stevie or Charlie for a girl—with Blake.

Downstairs, the guys discuss David's injury. They're all bummed he's hurt—well, everyone except Jordan, who is glad to have a break from David. Apparently people who go against Jordan just get hurt sometimes, so that's a fun fact. Then, as if his ego wasn't already riding an all-time high, Becca gifts Jordan with a pair of golden underwear that she says made her think of him.

Right on cue, David walks through the door. He's got a broken nose and a black eye, but he's here to see Becca. Jordan, of course, reacts to this by insulting David's busted-up face with lines like, "He probably thought he could save some face but little does he know he has no face to save." The joke's on Jordan, though, because Becca gives David a rose so he can skip the rose ceremony and catch up on sleep.

At the rose ceremony, Nick is inexplicably in a tracksuit and still gets a rose. So do Jason, Wills, Christon, Lincoln, Blake, Garrett, Leo, John, Connor, Jordan, and Jean Blanc. That's goodbye to Ryan and Mike. They didn't get much screen time, but I will miss seeing Mike's man bun around the mansion.

After the guys say their goodbyes, Becca tells the remaining crew they'll be heading to Park City, Utah. Once there, Garrett gets the first one-on-done—whoops, that was a slip, one-on-one—date. One thing they don't talk about: his views on immigration, gun control, and feminism. Nope, instead, they walk around shopping, taking selfies, and talking about some town in Minnesota that looks like Park City.

Speaking of guys who are canceled, Lincoln reveals to the others that he really, truly thinks the world is flat.

Back to Becca and Garrett's date: They're going bobsledding and meet with two badass Olympians, Valerie Fleming and Shauna Rohbock, to learn the ropes. Valerie and Shauna share a beautiful story about how they were teammates, which then became a friendship, which then became a romance. Now, they're in love, married, and have two children together. It's such a lovely moment, tampered by the fact that I simply cannot buy Garrett as a romantic interest when his social media history is looming over everything.

Later, over dinner, Becca asks Garrett about his past relationships, and he reveals that he got divorced after two months of marriage. Garrett claims his ex-wife was emotionally abusive and drove a wedge between him and his family and friends. It's been two years since the divorce, and now he wants a partner who is 50/50. I don't know that I trust that he really does—again, social media—but Becca gives him a rose. They close out the night with our first concert of the season: Granger Smith.

The next day, Jordan, Chris, Blake, Nick, John, Lincoln, Leo, David, Connor, Christon, Jason, Colton, and Jean Blanc are on a group date. The theme? "Lumberjacking." According to Becca, she grew up watching it at the state fair and has had a thing for sexy lumberjacks ever since. I appreciate The Bachelorette producers planning an entire date around Becca's dream role play scenario, so I'm here for this.

The guys are game for the challenge, though some—cough, Colton, cough—are extra petty about teasing the guys who "look like they've never picked up an axe in their life." Is that really a thing? Are people just running around picking up axes all the time? Anyway, the dudes get to show off by splitting logs of wood, lifting large logs, and tossing axes at a target. The day closes with an obstacle course, during which we learn that Blake lives in the woods and eats bug? Would like to learn more about that, please.

That night, at the after party, Jordan shows off the golden underpants that Becca got him. Colton feels this is disrespectful, so he pulls Jordan aside to fight about it. But that's not the most dramatic moment of the night. No, that comes when Jean Blanc gives Becca a gift—a custom perfume titled "Miss Becca Blanc"—and a kiss, which she wasn't feeling. He tells her he's falling in love with her, to which Becca admits she doesn't feel the same way, so maybe it's only fair if he leaves. The conversation is awkward, to say the least, but it gets even worse: As they're walking out, Jean Blanc is basically like, "Oh, I'm not falling in love with you; I just thought that's what you wanted to hear at this stage."

Uh, nope. This obviously solidifies Becca's decision to send him home, and she tells the rest of the guys what happened after he leaves. She's too upset to continue the party and, on top of that, she's not giving out a rose.

That puts even more pressure on Wills, who has a one-on-one date the next day. Becca's still bummed about the Jean Blanc thing, but it seems a snowmobile ride and a cuddle by a fire with Wills is the cure. By the end of the day, they're goofing off and throwing snowballs at each other.

That night, Wills opens up about a past relationship. He says he talked about getting married and having kids with his ex, but trouble started when she asked for a "hall pass." Wills wasn't down to make their relationship open, and then he saw her with another guy—at a place where they often celebrated their anniversaries, no less. Wills and Becca bond over their heartbreak and their shared fear of not feeling like they're good enough for a partner, so she gives him the rose. After, they make out against a wall and, not gonna lie, it's definitely the hottest kiss this season so far. I like Wills, so fingers crossed he doesn't have some scandal come out in the coming weeks. At this rate, you never know.

The episode closes with the rose ceremony—Becca chose to forego a cocktail party—and Leo, Colton, Blake, Jason, Connor, Lincoln, John, Chris, David, and Jordan are all safe. (That means Nick and Christon are leaving for those keeping track.)

Next week: Welcome to Vegas! Chris thinks he's the best guy. "You're worse than Arie."