The Bachelor Season 23, Episode 9, Recap: So That’s Why Colton Jumped the Fence

There's so much that happens this episode of The Bachelor—the much-anticipated fence jump, a surprise cameo from Cassie's dad, Colton's first overnight date, to name a few—so let's just jump right in, shall we? Spoilers ahead, obviously.

Things kick off with Colton and Chris Harrison catching up. For a hot second, it seems like they're going to have "the talk."

"I have an idea of what happens in a fantasy suite," Colton says, not at all convincingly.

"Thank God," Chris answers, maybe a little too quickly.

Colton then assures Chris (and us viewers) that if the situation is right and everyone's in love, he's gonna do it—or, as he puts it, "make love"—this week.

"Enjoy your week," Chris says as they part ways. "Congratulations!"

With that, they're all off to Portugal. Cheers.

Once everyone lands in Europe, the women reveal their priorities for the week. Tayshia's ready to "explore" being physical with Colton. Cassie wants to use this time to figure out her feelings. And the first thing on Hannah's to-do list is the fantasy suite. As for Colton, he seems really, really excited about maybe-possibly losing his virginity.

That's good news, I guess, for Tayshia, who has the first date of the week. "I hope today has in store a lot of new firsts for us," she insinuates. Before they can get to that, though, they must get through the rest of the date, which starts with a helicopter ride. During it, they talk about the super-sexy topic of Portugal's main exports. Colton jokes that it's extra virgin olive oil, to which Tayshia quips, "That's how I like ’em!"

The virgin innuendos don't end there. After the helicopter takes them to a castle—or fort, maybe?—the two sip on champagne and talk about all the things they've done together. "What's something you haven't done yet?" Tayshia asks. Colton yells back, "Fantasy suites, baby!!!" To my amazement, she continues with the date. In all seriousness, though, Colton says he's just excited to have intimate conversations with all the women this week, whether or not that involves losing his virginity. Sure.

Before the commercial break, Tayshia assures us viewers that she's totally ready to "take that next step" with Colton. Then, when we return from the break, she reiterates that she's intimate only with someone she loves, and she's in love with Colton. I appreciate and yet am horrified by the amount of times the producers have asked this woman to confirm that, yes, a sexual encounter with Colton would be consensual. At this point, I'm half expecting her to show up with a notarized statement stating, "I want to have sex with Colton."

We finally get to the dinner portion of their date, to which Tayshia wears a dress that requires all the boob tape available in Portugal. It looks fantastic. Colton can't keep his eyes off her chest, though that's partially because she keeps fussing with her dress. She asks him to keep an eye out in case a boob pops out, and Colton is like, "YUP."

They talk, yet again, about Colton's virginity and the night ahead. Tayshia tells him that she waited to have sex—she lost her virginity to her ex-husband—so she understands the importance of the situation. Then she reveals that a year into her marriage her husband cheated, which she says taught her the value of intimacy even more. Colton promises that if they are endgame, he'll never cheat. (I mean, dude, that should be a given—but a sweet sentiment.)

Colton presents Tayshia with a key to the fantasy suite, and she says yes. Cue some corny music as Colton talks about his sexual prowess. "As men, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to perform well," Colton says. "How hard can it be?" Don't worry, Colton assures us, he's experienced in other ways. He's done basically everything but, lest we question his ability.

When they arrive at the fantasy suite, Colton and Tayshia marvel at the bubble bath the producers have set up for them. We don't see what else the suite has to offer, though, because Colton shuts the door right away. But did they do it?

The next morning they cuddle in bed—but something is clearly up (or maybe not up, badda bing!). "It was…interesting," Tayshia tell us. She says she could pick up how nervous he was, so she didn't initiate anything. TL; DR: They didn't have "the physical intimacy" she wanted. But it's totally OK, she says with a weird look in her eyes, she's just soooo happy they had time to talk. It's totally fine!

As for Colton, "I knew that I wasn't ready to take the next step with her." He's not in love, he says, and he's still thinking about the other two relationships. (Read: He's still thinking about Cassie.)

As he walks away, Tayshia admits that she's freaking out. And now she has to just sit and wait and see what happens the rest of the week. Have fun with that!

Next up is Cassie's date. They spend a day eating, shopping, and making out wherever they can. Colton is obviously so into Cassie, going on and on and on about how she's the perfect match for him. He loves her. He wants to have sex with her. The only problem: She hasn't said she's in love—or even falling in love—with him. He doesn't care. This should end well.

What does Cassie think about all this? She says maybe she could have a future with Colton, but she needs more time to figure it out. Because she is 23, it's entirely normal that she's not sure about getting engaged to a dude she's known a few weeks.

When they talk about his visit with her family, Cassie admits they were concerned about the looming engagement. Colton reveals that he asked her dad for his blessing, but didn't get his approval. Cassie's surprised about this—she thought her family trusted her to make that decision for herself. (Quick soapbox: AS SHE SHOULD.) Colton insists that not having her dad's blessing doesn't discourage him, but their conversation lags. To the camera, away from Colton, Cassie says she's freaked out and confused. Maybe Colton isn't the right guy, if her family doesn't approve? (Darling, it doesn't need to be this hard! Just say you don't want to marry him, but you'll date for a bit and see how it goes!)

Colton and Cassie part ways for a bit, and this is when the real drama starts: Her dad shows up, in Portugal, to essentially remind his daughter that she doesn't have to go through with this. He asks Cassie straight up if she loves Colton. She says, "I think I do. Yeah."

"There shouldn't be any hesitation in your mind…. This is not [a decision] you make if you're unsure," her dad replies. He adds that if she had shown up to her hometown with Colton totally in love, this would be a different conversation. But the fact that she's so hesitant made her family concerned. "You can't force it," he says.

He suggests that if it's real love, you know when you know and there's no doubt. I don't think that's totally accurate for every successful relationship, though I appreciate his advice to check in with herself and be honest about her feelings. If she's just not there, it's OK. Whatever she's feeling, she's clearly not ready to be engaged, so I'll give Dad kudos for stepping in.

Going into their dinner, clueless Colton is very excited for the overnight. "Cassie is the one," he says. Cassie, meanwhile, feels sick to her stomach.

Once they sit down, Colton reiterates that the conversation with her dad was hard, but it doesn't change how he feels about her. She then tells him her dad showed up at her hotel room earlier, and now she's confused. "I love you so much, like so much...but I'm not, like, in love, you know what I mean?" she says.

"Were you planning on leaving tonight?" he asks.

Yes, she says. Not because she doesn't care about him, but because she's not sure she can get on the same page with him. The rest of their long, drawn-out conversation is basically this: Cassie keeps saying, "I don't know! I don't know!" while Colton insists that he loves her and doesn't want to lose her. Buddy, just let her go.

Colton tells her she's overthinking it. They don't have to get engaged, and he's willing to go at whatever pace she wants. Cassie continues to be like, "IDK!!!!" Colton basically says he loves her, he will pick her, and he wants to be with her. "I want to give you your time, I want to give you your space, I want to give you whatever you need," he says.

She decides to leave anyway. "I want you to be with someone who's insanely in love with you," she says, then asks, "Are you mad at me?" That is the most 23-year-old breakup line I've ever heard. Cassie, you're leaving! Who gives a shit whether or not he's mad?

Anyway, as her car drives away, we finally get to the moment we've all been waiting for: THE JUMP. "F-ck all of this," Colton says, before pushing a camera out of the way. The producers call Chris Harrison to come out, stat. There's a Bachelor emergency! He jogs after Colton, but it's too late: HE JUMPS THE FENCE.

"He just jumped the f-cking fence!" Chris says in amazement. By the time they said "fence," Colton has run off into the darkness. The producers and Chris Harrison run around, screaming his name. "He is gone," Chris says, ominously. TO BE CONTINUED.

Anna Moeslein is a senior editor at Glamour. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @annamoeslein.