Elf on the Shelf Cakebites Are Perfect, Paranoid Snacking
The concept of “the Elf on the Shelf,” a parenting method that involves convincing kids that a living elf is talking to Santa about whether they’ve been naughty or nice, is a useful way of introducing your child to the modern surveillance state. Now, you can incorporate that level of paranoia about their observed behavior into snack or dessert time too.
That’s thanks to Walmart, who’s selling a line of Elf on the Shelf Cakebites, a fittingly festive treat that kids will love but also maybe feel apprehensive about. Underneath an outer shell of vanilla icing adorned with Christmas sprinkles, you’ll find alternating layers of red vanilla and green vanilla cake, ensuring that there’s a little bit of Christmas cheer in every bite.
While that’s the most traditionally festive set of cakebites themed around spying on children, it’s not the only one. Hot Cocoa Cakebites (which seem to ditch the Elf on the Shelf theme) are layered with chocolate cake, marshmallow cake, chocolate frosting, and “snowball sprinkles.”
WATCH: Mom vs. Elf on the Shelf
An early taste test of both varieties compare them to Starbucks’ cake pops rather than the Hostess snack cakes you might’ve been expecting. They’re “perfectly dense and relatively rich in flavor” as far as prepackaged snacks purchased from Walmart go, also featuring “a much-desired moist, doughy texture.”
Beyond the taste, it’s also worth noting that the packaging for these bites has a space for parents to write a note “from the elf.” That way, you can deploy these as a reward for good behavior, or else a warning that they should never let their guard down while the Elf is in the house.
Whether you want to please or terrorize your children, you can cop these cakebites from Walmart starting November 4. That’ll give your kids plenty of time to prepare for the watchful, unrelenting gaze of Santa’s little snitch.
