If in doubt, blame Royal Mail: the ultimate guide to Christmas card etiquette
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There are two opposing and equally valid approaches to Christmas. The first is that it’s never too early to get out ahead of the problem. There are some who shop for it all year around, picking up a manuka honey candle here (there’ll always be a woman in your life who’ll appreciate one), and a Richard Osman book there (there’ll never be anyone in your life who needs this, but what else are you meant to buy the cousin you rarely see?). These people hoard their ungifted gifts in a special secret cupboard, ready to unleash them at the appropriate moment.
Then there are those who wake up on Christmas morning, realise everything is closed and deduce that it’s either a bank holiday to celebrate a new monarch, or else it’s December 25th. Perhaps there’s something in the freezer they can serve, which would do for either occasion.
Neither approach works, however, when it comes to Christmas cards. Send them too early and you’ll look deranged. Leave it too late and you’ll look chaotic. Granted, there can’t be a single person in the Christmas-speaking world who enjoys the practice of writing and sending cards. Even receiving them is stressful, with each new epistle reminding you of someone you’ve forgotten and/or perhaps assumed was dead.
To help ease you into that time of year when everything tastes of cloves, and you cannot so much as buy a pint of milk without hearing from Slade that the future has only just begun (again), we’ve produced your 2023 guide to Christmas card etiquette.
Whom should I send to?
According to etiquette expert William Hanson, Christmas cards should be sent to “anyone to whom you wish to express festive wishes”. This feels rather broad, though. Or narrow. Because what if you don’t wish to express festive wishes to anyone?
Bad luck. Recent research by CEWE, a photo printing company, found that receiving a card at this time of year is still important to people, with 80 per cent of those questioned admitting they like to receive personalised Christmas cards. If you’re in this 80 per cent, you will also have to send them. That’s just the way the stale panettone crumbles.
Hanson suggests keeping a list of who sends you cards and whom you, in turn, send to. “I have a rule that if I don’t get a card from someone for three years, they’re off the list, however much I may love them,” he revealed in his 2023 list of tips. We would add to this that it’s worth sending cards to anyone you wish to remind of your existence: your boss; your grown-up offspring; your elderly, rich, unmarried great-aunt who has no direct heirs.
What if I receive a last-minute card from someone I left off my list?
Do you return fire at the 11th hour? Even if it’s insultingly obvious to the recipient that you forgot them? What if it entails driving across the country on Christmas Eve to hand-deliver it since you’ve missed the post?
The answer depends on the importance of the sender. Are they likely to sack or disinherit you if you don’t send a card? If not, then you needn’t worry. Just send them a friendly text or email to show them they’re in your thoughts (but not to the extent that you could actually be bothered to pick up a pen).
Can I blame the postal service if my cards fail to materialise?
No. But also: yes. The Royal Mail clearly states that the last recommended posting date for First Class mail is December 20. For Second Class, it’s December 18. So in theory, now that you know that, you have no excuse. In practice, you can definitely claim your batch of cards got lost in the post, if you reach December 21 and discover them all in a neat pile on the hall table, awaiting dispatch. Or worse, discover them unwritten in a box, which has yet to be purchased from a shop.
What if my children have “designed” cards at school but they’re rubbish – do I have to send them?
Ah, the “Christmas pudding” that looks like something the dog excreted. The urgent green scribble that could be a pine tree, but equally resembles a window into your child’s troubled soul. The weirdly positioned baubles. (You hope those are baubles. You’re not sure why they’re drawn so near Santa’s crotch.)
Your child is a child and therefore not a mature and talented artist. You have stumped up the best part of £50 for multiple packs of their hand-designed cards, produced at school for festively guilt-tripped parents. It goes without saying they possess no merit – artistic or otherwise – and it’s natural to wonder if you really must send them out to real people.
We say: post them to close friends and family, but without any gushing message about little Elsie’s creative talents. Counter-intuitively, at Christmas people love things that are, in fact, a bit rubbish. Like Wham! and mince pies and John Lewis adverts and Love Actually reruns.
How much should I write inside?
Hanson says to always include the name of the recipient and your own name. This seems like quite the bare minimum, and really if you can’t even manage that, then why are you bothering at all? An anonymous Christmas card isn’t heartwarming, it’s creepy.
Still, you needn’t write a personalised message to everyone – only one that looks personalised. A bit like a horoscope. “I hope the job is going well, your last holiday was a smasher and that 2024 brings you new adventures.” This works for everyone, unless they’re retired and/or agoraphobic.
Is it ever appropriate to include a round robin family newsletter?
It is never acceptable to do this. There are zero conceivable circumstances in which anyone longs to receive five A4 pages summarising your year. We have no emotional investment in the GCSE results of your son, who we last saw as a baby and whose name we didn’t know even then. Ditto what colour you painted your hallway (we can’t even picture your hallway, it’s been nine years since you invited us for dinner) and your husband’s raise following his promotion to regional manager.
Receiving a family newsletter is like receiving a voice note on your phone: it engenders nothing but fury and loathing for the sender. If you have some genuinely interesting news, put it in a WhatsApp message of no more than 14 characters. If we reply, you’ll know we’re still worth keeping on your Christmas card list.
