I Don’t Watch Game of Thrones , But I’ll Watch Sophie Turner Recap It—With Wine—On Instagram
Apparently something happened on Game of Thrones last night, and thank God I have Sophie Turner’s very wine-fueled Instagram Story to tell me about it.
I don’t watch Game of Thrones; this is a fairly benign fact on a normal day that becomes a glaring character flaw on Sunday nights, when seemingly everyone in America (or at least on Twitter in Eastern Standard Time) is watching. On this most recent episode, from my feed I learned that: Daenerys realized something (or something)—she’s the one with the dragons—and a man named Tormund was funny and became the subject of memes, and there was an evidently emotional ending with Brienne (the tall one). And there was a shocking development between Arya and a guy, and that had people positively collapsing en masse in their living rooms, if what they were writing online was any indication of reality.
Typically, when one topic or another is trending at around 11:00 p.m. on a given night, one can head off to bed confident that by tomorrow something else will have taken its place. I can confirm this is absolutely not the case with Game of Thrones, the most content-iest content mill of all television content mills, which people want to dissect for infinite hours together (even the people who don’t watch it, obviously, as I own myself with this very blog). Anyway, imagine my fatigue when I logged on this morning only to again have to try and understand what everyone else is talking about, lest I descend into anti-Thrones Scrooge-like isolation (and to try and spell Daenerys).
Enter, blissfully, Turner’s Instagram Story. Turner decided to weigh in to the uproar over Arya’s relationship with this man, named Gendry—but I won’t spoil it more for you simply because I don’t know anything about what happened—after having a few glasses of celebratory Easter wine, and, boy, am I happy about it. In a hilarious and NSFW post, she swills red wine and describes Arya’s plot development in her own words, which cannot be repeated here. But know only that “that’s the tea,” as Turner says. All while wearing a robe and zooming the camera energetically into her own face. Delightful!
Turner was recently spotted chugging red wine admirably at a sports game, only the second most iconic sports-game paparazzi moment of the spring (first place has to go to Pete Davidson and Kate Beckinsale, even if I don’t want it to). This story recap makes me think that 1) I would like to go to happy hour with Sophie Turner, and 2) I might start watching Game of Thrones. . . . Just kidding! In this economy? Frankly, I don’t have it in me. But that doesn’t mean I won’t continue to talk to you about your favorite dragon-battle program without any knowledge except Sophie Turner’s Instagram Stories until it’s finally over and done with.
